Brothels are brothels. We all know what goes on. In Nevada, the only State that allows brothels, there is a home-ranchy vibe. Then there is the kinky side of brotheldom. Firmly at the top of the kinky list are the Japanese sex doll brothels. Yes, sex dolls. You can sleep, cuddle and whatever, with a realistic looking silicone Barbie doll. Well, it is Japan.
Sometimes brothels are innovative. In France, prostitution is legal, but soliciting is not. So, if you see a line of white vans parked at the curb, you are probably in the midst of a rolling brothel. Door open? That’s code for come in. Door closed? Come back later. All without a single word, or look. Are parking fines a legitimate business expense in France?
Then there are the in your face, no holds barred kind of brothels. In Bangkok’s notorious Patpong “entertainment” district, there are nude shows, “massages” and a night market where you can buy souvenirs. Souvenirs?
Prostitution is legal in almost half the countries around the world. And that means big bucks, or yens, or Euros for the brothel business. Read on to find out about the 15 quirkiest brothels in the world.
15. Villa Tinto – Antwerp,Belgium
A quirky world of red and black, Antwerp’s red light district is a sight to behold. Stroll down the streets and check out window prostitutes and marvel at daytime tourists, who are snapping shots of the same. And at the heart of the red light district sits Villa Tinto. Run by a former transvestite prostitute, it was designed by architect Arne Quinze, who reportedly has advised the likes of Brad Pitt. Choose from 100 working girls who work shifts and provide 24/7 service. A “we never sleep” kind of place. Apparently, there’s even a bed and breakfast. Gives a new meaning to breakfast in bed, doesn’t it? It’s even got a review on Trip Advisor. Who would review a brothel?
14. Stiletto – Sydney, Australia
It’s billed as a short stay boutique hotel and brothel. It’s got a definite retro feel to it. Start with the basics (huge round bed and mirrors) in the James Bond room, or graduate to the Level 2 suites at $400 an hour (3 or 4 hour minimum), with all the basics plus a pole dancing stage, pool table and club lighting. What’s with the pool table? No appointment is necessary and walk-ins are welcomed. The rate includes the basics (you know). Want passionate kissing or playing dress up? That’s extra. Just ask one of the friendly “receptionists”.
13. Big Sister – Prague, Czech Republic
OK. There’s good news and bad news. The good news? The sex with the girls was free. There’s got to be a catch? Big one. You had to agree to be filmed doing whatever it is you did. Think of it as an amateur adult entertainment video. Then, your big closeup is broadcast on the club’s pay-per-view site. Oh yes, it was also used by real adult entertainment filmmakers to film their masterpieces. There’s more bad news, though. The club closed in 2010. But it’s a pretty tidy little idea we think, if you like that sort of thing.
12. The Sex Doll Brothel – Japan (and the World?)
In Japan, many brothels combine the “traditional” service with the silicone sex doll thing. It gets even weirder. In tandem, with all the sex that goes on, there is an optional service called Soaplands. Here’s the gig: You and your birthday suit sit in a chair designed to give maximum access to all of you. You are soaped up, massaged and then rinsed and carefully dried. No sex (reportedly). Just good clean fun. Does the sex doll thing translate Stateside? Maybe. One spoof article on apriluno.com, parodied the whole business with a report of sex dolls hotels opening in New York City. The supposed head of the nonexistent company made the point that renting out sex dolls in a hotel gift shop is like tool rental (sorry) and perfectly legal. We wonder.
11. Mustang Ranch Resort – Sparks, Nevada
At a loss for what to do in Sparks, Nevada? Try the Mustang Ranch Resort. That’s code for full-service brothel with stilettos and cowgirl hats. “How’s it hanging?” is heard an awful lot there. Play cowgirls and Indians in luxury, that comes complete with the Wild Horse Saloon and Steakhouse, the Museum (of what?) and the Mustang Ranch Lodge. Oh, yes, then there’s the brothel. Just 10 miles outside Reno, take Exit 28 off Interstate 80 and start your hangin’ adventure. So, relax, eat and play. And enjoy the view.
10. Maison d’Envie – Berlin, Germany
It’s a “Haus de Lust”. Maison d’Envie has gone green in a big way and offers a discount for bikers and public transport users. Roll up and show proof that you used public transport or present your bicycle padlock key and claim a $7.50 discount. Every little bit helps. Plus, Maison d’Envie clearly believes in saving money and living better. Take the 20 minute quickie for $50. Check out the four-poster beds with posts that look anatomical, if you know what we mean. Subtle it ain’t.
9. Daily Planet – Melbourne, Australia
From the outside, it looks like an ordinary low-rise building. But walk into the place, and you find yourself in a Greek or Roman fantasy world, with sumptuous furnishings, columns, statues, bathing pools and, oh yes, plenty of lovely Sheila’s. It was the first brothel to be listed on a stock exchange and was voted “Best Brothel Overall” in the Australian Adult Industry Award, for 7 years running. And in case you are interested in putting your money where your whatever is, the Australian Stock Exchange trading code is PPN. Look at it this way, even if you lose money, the company meetings will be a hoot.
8. Nana Entertainment Plaza – Bangkok, Thailand
Think of this place as a sex shopping mall and you’ve got the idea. Multi-leveled and packed with bars, shows, brothels and who knows what else, NEP has it all. The main bars to hit are Rainbows 4 and Angel Witch. Watch out for the lady-boys that prowl the neighborhood drumming up trade. If you want to take one of the bar girls (or boys) out of the bar, you pay a steep bar fine. Where do you take them? Relax. There are 5 working girl-friendly hotels within easy walking distance.
7. Centaurus – Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Put on the world map in 2013, when Justin Bieber tried to sneak out of the place, Centaurus is well-known in Rio. The in-gag is that it is a “spa”. Walk in, pay a packet, disrobe and put on the Centaurus bathrobe, and you have two choices. You can go downstairs to the spa or upstairs to the girls. We hear the lower level is usually deserted. It is located in the leafy shopping and dining mecca of the Ipanema area of Rio. Cantaurus is decidedly on the quirky, upmarket end or the Rio sex biz, a mecca that is reportedly frequented by soccer stars and other celebrities. Probably not by Bieber anymore, though. After the episode, he Tweeted denial after denial. Sure, we believe you.
6. Pascha – Cologne, Germany
If Nana Entertainment Plaza is a sex mall, this place is (literally) a sex hotel. Imagine 12 stories and nearly 100,000 square feet of brothel, and you’ve got the Pascha thing down. Working girls rent rooms there for around $220 a day and sit outside their rooms negotiating with the 1000 punters a day who roam its halls. It is the largest legal brothel in Europe. They do unexpected things like host a Mother’s Day tour of the place for women. Show mom something completely different. With 365,000 men prowling its halls and rooms in a year, you won’t be surprised to hear it looks a little tired. Wouldn’t you be?
5. Alien Cat House – Amargosa Valley, Nevada
Second only to the sex doll brothel in the quirky stakes, comes the Alien Cat House. Dennis Hof, the star of HBO’s Cathouse, provides women decked out to look like aliens. From the man who brought you The Moonlite Bunny Ranch, comes a cat house with a decidedly, off-the-wall, quirky difference. Madame Sonja is in charge. Ask her about Pickle Tickle Day, the alien abduction and probing room, and lessons on how to tie someone up artfully. Miss Sonja calls the place a sanctuary. That’s one way of putting it.
4. Gotham City – Melbourne, Australia
Claiming to be a 6-star brothel, with over 150 working girls, it’s 6-star luxury with fantasy-themed rooms and futuristic decor thrown in. While you are there, enter the draw for the free 1/2 hour session (worth AU$250) or buy a AU$20 gift certificate for the man who doesn’t quite have everything. And it’s convenient too. You can check availability (of the girls) online. We’re still trying to figure out what they mean by “free accommodation for Interstate and Overseas ladies.” Visiting working girls?
3. Moonlite Bunny Ranch – Mound House, Nevada
Dennis Hof, the man with the most brothel licenses and the brains behind The Alien Cat House, bought Bunny Ranch in 1993. Having been a frequent customer, he knew the ins and outs of the place. Jesse Ventura, the wrestler and former Governor of Minnesota, claims to have frequented the Bunny Ranch. Fancy it ain’t. But, everything you need is there. Apparently, Hof is a very hands-on owner. Wouldn’t you be? Expect a lot of pink bunny ears, mixed in with cowgirl attire. And lots and lots of leopard skin.
2. Presidential Suite – Seaford, Australia
This place combines the glories of Greece and Rome, the vibes of an Asian tea room, and the ambiance of an upmarket hotel. Lots of candles and golden statues, together with modern white walled space, with the odd figure of a Chinese god thrown in. Voted Best Australian Brothel in 2012, it is located in a suburb of Melbourne. Go for their “Happy Hour” discounts between 11 a.m. and 12 p.m. each Saturday. And be sure to ask about their Client Loyalty Program. Buy 10 and get 1 free?
1. Sheri’s Ranch – Pahrump, Nevada
If you are in Las Vegas and in a hurry to find a brothel (brothels aren’t allowed in Sin City), Sheri’s is the closest place. Take the complimentary shuttle from Vegas and do your thing at the Ranch. Too exhausted after sampling the delights at Sheri’s? Sheri’s has a hotel on site. No word on the availability of room service. Check out the menu of sex services before deciding on your pleasure. Fancy the nude massage or a bit of spanking? Sheri’s girls are there to help. The funniest Yelp reviews about the place are from people who booked into the hotel without knowing about the brothel. Mommy, why are those ladies practically naked?