We are in that time of year again, when we all decorate our houses, party with friends and family and practice the wondrous art of giving. But we all have some people who we don’t particularly like yet, can’t escape from during the holiday season. Whether they are family members, work mates at the Christmas party, friends of friends or someone you generally despise and want to show your feelings to, you can still include them on your gift list with some of these disastrous gift ideas.
As well as these ideas, don’t forget little tricks such as wrapping the gift at least 5 times with obscene amounts of sellotape in order to give them an aneurysm just from opening it or putting the gift inside a very misleading box or two. The more inconvenient an experience you can give them the better, so let’s get started and make sure you can give them a gift they will never forget!
15) A Pet They’re Allergic To
For some people it’s cats, others dogs, rabbits, mice, but whatever animal it is that they are allergic to should give you a good idea for a pet gift. Just imagine when it pokes its little head out of a box right into their face, watching as they succumb to its adorableness and their own allergies at the same time. If you want to spoil their holiday spirit then this may be a good way to make them feel terrible and unable to truly enjoy the things happening around them.
14) A Terribly Made Christmas Sweater
It is more of a custom for your grandmother to give you a terrible sweater for Christmas, but chances are that they are comparatively boring to what some internet users recently displayed online.
Online magazine Bored Panda asked for users to send in pictures of their worst sweaters and they are inspirational. The trick was to emphasize bad taste, with one woman having a hole cut into the chest so her breast is exposed, allowing her to decorate it as a reindeer. Another idea is to use the term “hairy Christmas”, with a Christmas tree shape cut out of the sweater to expose a very hairy friends body forest.
13) The Divorce For Dummies Book
This one won’t be an expensive gift either, as you can find it for sale online for around $15USD. This would be perfect for that friend who is always annoying everyone by complaining about his significant other, or just a couple who really gets under your skin.
The book details all the steps you need to think of in order to go through the divorce process safely, but if you aren’t a fan of being slapped it may be best for you to send this one in the mail or find a way to avoid giving it in person.
12) 50 Shades Of Grey
While there are many people who are fans of the series, there are even more who dislike it completely. If there is someone who you dislike immensely who is overly prudish, moralistic, and gets VERY uncomfortable talking about sex, then this may be the present for them.
If they haven’t heard of it before, give them some encouragement to start reading immediately so that you don’t miss out on seeing the moment of horror when they realize what you have given them. Seeing their reaction will be its own little present for you, and this book has become VERY cheap, selling for less than $10USD online.
11) Clothes A Few Sizes Too Small
This should only be used on someone who deserves it rather then on someone you mildly dislike since body image is such a huge topic in today’s society, so I recommend you reserve this for that person who has made your life a living hell or is absolutely insulting to everyone and needs to be brought down a peg or two.
It’s a more subtle way of insulting someone rather than just criticizing their weight outright, and will probably stick with them through the festive season. On a positive side it could be a push for them to exercise again, which is good even if you dislike them.
10) A Justin Bieber Alarm
Obviously, target a non-belieber for this gift; someone who gets utterly infuriated by the sound of Justin’s music. If it’s for an overly macho guy, maybe look for a pink one in the shape of a love heart for added effect.
Bieber merchandise can be hard to come by sometimes though, so if you are struggling to find such a gift just know that there is also a Bieber alarm app you can install on your not-so-good friend’s phone as a surprise gift. They will start their day off terribly just by destroying their phone in a rage as they try to stop the music.
9) A Taxidermied Animal Pet
There are a few people who you can get with this one; the animal obsessed nature person, someone grossed out by dead things, or that person who is absolutely OBSESSED with perfecting their home decor. All will be shocked by this unwanted gift.
The focus here is to get one that doesn’t look appealing to the eye, with an unnatural posture and small imperfections in order to guarantee that it will either disturb the receiver or ruin any style that they have in the room that it is placed. Even if they don’t display it, the fact that you gave it to them will annoy them enough which hopefully will bring that warm fuzzy feeling into your heart.
8) Subscriptions To Their Most Hated Magazines
This would require you knowing a little about this person you dislike, but of course there are little stereotypes we can play on. If they are anti-gay, why not a subscription to Lesbian News, A Bears Life or Shemag? Perhaps it is a very masculine gentleman who would hate to even look at a copy of Women’s Weekly, or they live with their mother still and wouldn’t want some strange x-rated material arriving in the post.
Whatever it is that they hate the most, try to subscribe them to more than one magazine for additional annoyance. Magazines in a different language are good too, as it is harder for them to find how to unsubscribe.
7) Books And Pamphlets From Their Most Hated Religion
Personal experience has taught me that many religious people haven’t looked into the books of competing faiths, so maybe you can help them out. It can be quite expensive to keep sending someone a Quran, Bible or Torah over and over again but those annoying little pamphlets are cheaper and do the same job.
This is a very effective gift for Atheists as well, but no matter what their spiritual stance is, if they get uncomfortable in the presence of anything that disagrees with their beliefs, then this will do just fine. Also, signing them up to multiple groups who do house visits every week will also work perfectly.
6) A Framed Picture Of Yourself
This is perfect for anyone who you dislike and who dislikes you for two reasons: If they hate the sight of you then having a framed picture of you will not make them any happier, and you can control what’s happening in the picture.
Perhaps you will want to pull a particular finger at the camera or be holding a sign stating exactly how you feel about them. How ever you wish to pose in the image, be sure that the message is clear and it also has some humor so others can laugh along with you.
5) Loud, Annoying Gifts For Their Children
Perhaps you want to take another tactic and get to them through their kids. Some good ideas are harmonicas, whistles, megaphones, bells, anything that produces noise that you think their kids will get hooked on. Glitter, confetti and glue are also a very good combination when mixed in the living room.
For added effect, throw in some candy with their present as a kid on a sugar high can wreak absolute havoc for the parents. All you have to do is sit back and let the little children do the hard work. Why not crack open a beer? After doing this, you will have earned one.
4) Their Gift To You From Last Year
Don’t even bother to change the wrapping paper, and on the name tag just scribble out the names and rewrite them the other way around to guarantee that they will know where the present came from.
This will require you to have had a continuous relationship with the person though, so it is best for an in-law or your partner’s best friend. Before doing this make sure you know what the present actually is in case it has some value. If they like you as much as you like them then it’s probably going to be a rubbish gift.
3) A Collection Of Nicolas Cage’s Worst Films
Nicolas Cage is a good actor and has starred in some amazing films, but he also has some terrible ones as well which can equate to torture in some cases. For a terrible gift to someone you dislike, I would recommend movies such as Con Air, Windtalkers, Ghost Rider and The Wicker Man.
Should the recipient of your gift like ALL of his work, then films by other bad actors such as Steven Seagal or Mike Myers should do the trick. It may take a little bit of research, but you can also just get them films which completely disagree with their personalities if you can’t find anything they dislike.
2) A Shake Weight
The Shake Weight trend has come and gone with many people discovering it wasn’t exactly as effective as adverts had claimed. With the trend-rage gone, it is more obvious to people what the action of the Shake Weight appears to look like which is all the more reason to give it as a terrible gift.
It can also be taken as a subliminal message that they need to work out, but what is cool about this gift is that it also works as a gift for a man. Maybe just include a message in the card referencing “how much of a w****r they are and how the Shake Weight suits them”.
1) A Boyfriend Pillow
Straight to the point; if you want to highlight to a single person how lonely they are at night and how they don’t have a significant other, then give them this. It will be an awkward present to watch somebody unwrap and to witness their reaction as all of their pent-up emotions fight to come out.
You may need to use a little bit of empathy with some of these gift ideas however; it is one thing to ruin someone’s Christmas with a bit of disrespect and rudeness and another thing to completely and emotionally destroy them. If your intended recipient doesn’t seem as if they could recover from this form of humor then consider going a little easier on them.