When it comes to dating it is important to start things off on the right footing. Impressing someone on the first date is normally the right direction and paves the way for a second date to take place. Most people would like you to believe that there is some kind of code or a set of rules that you must follow on a first date; something that is guaranteed to get you the girl or guy. Unfortunately, this is not the case and a lot of the advice that is given does not always work out well for the recipient.
A first date is an opportunity to get to know someone; if you screw up on the first date chances are you will never get another opportunity to show what a great person you can actually be. Nothing is worse than spending your time and your hard earned dollar on a date that is a complete bust. Leaving a date with a bruised ego and a few less dollars in your pocket is sad and annoying. However, being yourself is what is going to get you the girl or guy that you are interested in. But if you still feel like you need a little push in the right direction, here is a list of 13 things that you should never do on a first date. It is not a set of rules or a guaranteed set of tricks to get the girl or guy you want, but it will certainly help you to not look like a complete a** on your first date and it could quite possibly score you a second date.
13. Going Dutch
This is mainly for the guys; disclaimer: dutch is the cheap art of suggesting that you split the bill down the middle. Yes, there is feminism and all that good stuff but traditionally, why would you not want a guy to wine and dine you? It is sweet that he wants to pay for your meal and treat you to a nice time. So be weary of the guy who suggest dutch on the first date or even suggests that you pay for the whole meal. He comes off looking like a cheapskate and that is just sad. This is not to say that down the line he has to pay for everything but for the first date let him treat you. Chances are he was the one who asked you out anyway.
12. Grilling Them
Asking back to back to back questions can come off as overbearing and a bit like being a suspect in a gruesome crime. Let the conversation flow; when you ask a question wait for a response, build up a good banter and do not repeatedly torture her with questions that she never gets a chance to answer. When someone describes a first date as feeling like a job interview or some kind of interrogation, you know you have screwed up heavily and chances are you will never see that person again and they probably will not even give you the chance to find out exactly what you did wrong.
11. Debate Way Too Hard
One of the key ways to ensure a successful date is having a great conversation, so a little friendly talk about likes and dislikes is always great. However, when you start to get too serious and too aggressive during a conversation it is a real problem. This is why there are certain topics that people say never to discuss on a first date, like politics, religious beliefs, and “traditional” family roles. A heated debate can quickly turn into a heated argument and instead of having a fun date you both leave with a bitter taste in your mouth and a very unsuccessful date.
10. Brag About Yourself
We already think you are awesome in some kind of way; the proof of that is the date we are on together. Bragging about yourself is not flattering in any sense, in fact, it is kind of sad that you believe listing out your achievements one by one is going to make someone want a second date with you, or even want to the finish the first date. We get that you want us to know your best qualities but give us the time and space to figure it out on our own. Let a real relationship develop, not one that is one-sided.
9. Talk About Your Last Relationship (Unless Asked)
Avoid any conversation that details your past relationships, especially if they consist of negative vibes. People tend to judge based on details they learn about your prior relationships, obviously it should not be that way but that is reality. Unless someone asks you about your past relationships, don’t even hint at the good or bad of it; besides, any decent person worth dating does not ask about prior relationships on the first date, because they know it is weird, uncomfortable and slightly inappropriate. In fact, they are also probably trying to avoid their disaster of a past relationship as well. So, keep it basic on date number one.
8. Avoid Vulnerability
Being vulnerable can be endearing, exciting and a huge stress reliever; but for a first date it can be overwhelming, intoxicating and questionable. It will make your date start to wonder if you have too much baggage, too much emotional stress or worst, too damaged to even be in a relationship. Save the vulnerability and let’s be honest, save all drama until you are closer, more understanding of one another’s lives and invested enough to look past the petty crap. Vulnerability at that point makes it seem like you are allowing them into your life and willing to support them when it is needed.
Being honest can never get you in trouble when it comes to dating; being upfront about major issues that could be a ‘deal breaker’ later, is in your best interest. Even if you think you are not “exciting enough” do not lie to make yourself look more powerful, appealing or electrifying. Keep in mind that boring is the new exciting; if you feel like you are too dull, think again, a partner would rather you be tame and “dull” than full of drama and problems that they cannot solve anyway. Being honest and truthful is the best way to start a healthy, prospering relationship.
6. Friend Zone
Even if you find that during the first date you are not into the person, do not mention anything about being “just friends”, “good friends”, “fun to hang out with” etc etc. Let the date run its course and just have a good time in that moment; if afterwards you feel it is not for you, then give them a call and let them know. Basically, the advice here is: do not be so rash to end a date before the date has even begun; there may not be an instant spark but sometimes giving it a few dates or some thought time can give you clarity. They may not start out as your favorite person, but given a little time they could be exactly what you need.
5. Inviting Them Back To Your Place
Do not (for any reason) be presumptuous on your first date; it does not matter where you met this person, the club, a sex dating site, drunk at a bar together; never assume that you are in for some first date night fun. The words, “do you want to come back to my place?” should most likely never leave your lips on a first date, even if you really just do not want the date to end and are looking to carry on a deeper conversation; that sentence is a heavy sexual come-on and usually does not go over well with the recipient.
4. Constantly Look At Your Phone
Are you bored? Am I disturbing you? Who could possibly be more important at this particular time? It is downright rude to be on your phone on a first date. Checking it every once in a while is acceptable because we are a culture that is obsessed with technology but taking a few phone calls, and texting whomever only comes off as you being uninterested and straight up rude. At all cost, avoid extended phone time on the first date; you will be much more appreciated and you will get bonus points from your date for being so interested in what they had to say.
3. Talk About Food Choices
This one is referring particularly to the women; guys do not acknowledge her food choices, in particular, how much she ate or did not eat. Food is a touchy subject for anyone but due to nature, women are more sensitive about their looks and one of the reasons is because like the male species, we love food. There is no need to be surprised that she inhaled her food or she ordered a steak. Let’s just keep it simple, do not choose dinner as a first date; go do a fun mobile activity or something that does not involve your judging eyes.
2. Stalk Their Social Media Pages Than Talk About It To Them
We all do it before a first date, Google who we are about to meet with, look at their Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to see who they are flirting with, or cozying up to in pictures etc. However, do not be weird and bring it up on a first date. Any sentence that involves their social media page, their personal photos or the words “your social media page” or “I Googled you” should not escape your lips. It is probably something that they know already but it is awkward to bring it up and it kind of makes you sound like a freak show.
Do not take the first date so serious; this means go into it open minded, do not assume it will go the way you planned it out in your head. Do not break your back to overly impress them, just let it flow and let it happen. It is uncomfortable to show up to a date that you think is going to be casual and realize that this person has really put a lot of time and a lot of effort into impressing you. It comes off looking desperate and overly involved; save yourself the embarrassment and keep it light and fun, no pressure.