From a pretty young age we are taught about sex, marriage, love and the human body; we are taught about the function of the female and male body, the steps and changes they go through as you grow and the pleasures and joys of having sex. It is what we are not taught that seems to trip us up in life, and we are conveniently left with the idea that sex always leads to a pleasure filled state that is amazing and sunshine and flowers and roses. They have left out the idea that sex can go horribly wrong in so many ways, especially on the male side. Men associate sex with giving a woman the gift of an orgasm; it is not their fault, as it is what we see on television, read in books and are taught by sex experts, but men are likely not expecting that something as simple as an orgasm is hard to reach.
The build-up and obsession with giving a woman an orgasm seems to be crushing the spirits and the egos of men all over the world, like a mental breakdown is hanging in the wings because they cannot do what they believe is expected of them. It is easy for people to live in their head and beat themselves up over something so silly and not really as important as they think. Let’s be clear, an orgasm for a woman is one of the most exciting things in life and if you can help up with that, we truly appreciate it but in the meantime, we also appreciate the effort until you figure out how things really work. Try not to beat yourself up with some of the negative thoughts outlined below.
12. This Is Annoying
We get it guys; it is time consuming. Something that has started out as fun and exciting has turned into this drawn out task and we still have not gotten to the point of mutual pleasure. You are annoyed and it is understandable but it is also well worth the wait (for the female at least). You are young, and healthy and this is the time when you should be practicing and exploring. So do not think of it as annoying, but rather think of it as practice for your future wife by the time you get to her you will be a pro, right?
11. All This Work For Nothing
Do not think of this as wasted time; do not think of it as nothing. The act was fun, right? Yes, it is admittedly frustrating that it did not end the way that you wanted it to and maybe it never ends that way, but that does not mean your work was in vain. Sometimes just the fooling around part is fun enough for you to not need to or have to worry about the orgasm part. Do not think of it as work, think of it as quality time spent with someone you are into and if it is a one night stand, think of it as time you will never get back or want back.
10. She Is Seeing Someone Else
She probably is. However, this is not the reason why she is not having orgasms with you. If you feel like you are being cheated on that is your gut trying to tell you something and it is also a totally different topic from achieving an orgasm (although some would say the two can go hand in hand). If you are having trouble giving her an orgasm and you truly believe she is cheating on you (and the two correlate), do not continue to have more sex; maybe try to figure out what is going on with her or you, and your gut feeling. More sex will not help the situation.
9. I’m Embarrassed
Of course you are embarrassed; it is natural to feel that way but keep in mind that her not achieving an orgasm is not something to be embarrassed about. It is natural for us to feel out of place and want to crawl in a hole when we do not do something that is “likely” and “expected”. This can be remedied by adding a bit more communication to your intimate time; ask questions, figure out what her likes and dislikes are and play up to her moans. Even if she still does not orgasm, at least the two of you had a good time and you are working your way up to that big “O”.
8. She Is Not Into Me Anymore
She very well could be over you and whatever relationship you have with her. This is a normal life occurrence, not everyone is meant to stay together no matter how hard you wish and try. The sex generally suffers when you are in a love-less relationship, that is if you are even still having sex (it is usually one of the first things to go when your relationship goes downhill). If you truly believe she is not achieving an orgasm because she is not into you anymore, then watch out for other signs in your relationship like the amount of time you spend together or even how excited/turned on she gets when you mention having some bedroom fun.
7. I Am So Unsatisfied
Some guys have a problem with finishing when their significant other does not finish. Both are left without satisfaction and no one knows how to communicate that without thinking they are hurting one another’s feelings. Do not feel bad that you are unsatisfied it is a normal reaction in a situation like this one, sex is supposed to be mutual and enjoyable and any decent man would not feel satisfied when his partner is not happy. Find that mutual balance so even if only one of you orgasms, there is a mutual satisfaction.
6. Is She Not Attracted To Me?
Usually people rolling with common sense only sleep with people who they find attractive either physically, mentally or both (that is unless you were wearing a pair of beer goggles the night before). So not climaxing has nothing to do with your partner’s attraction to you; you should be confident enough to know that when someone takes the time to be vulnerable and have sex with you (whether it led to a relationship or a one night stand) it is because they have an attraction to you. Looks have nothing to do with climaxing and if you are having sex with someone who can only climax with “good-looking people”, then you should re-evaluate the people you choose to lay down with.
5. Something Is Wrong With This Chick
Congratulations!!! You have met the first woman who you could not successfully make climax, what a bruise to your ego. Obviously something must be wrong with her, right? Because there is no way in hell that you, with all your experience and knowledge, could not make her have the absolute best night of her life. Are you detecting the sarcasm? There is a good chance that there is nothing wrong with her and then again, there is a good chance that there is something going on with her physically or mentally as to why she has not climaxed. Do not jump the gun and assume it is all her fault.
4. What Am I Doing Wrong?
The answer to this is nothing. Men generally feel as though they have to stimulate their partners to orgasm as if they are physically responsible for their partner’s good time; this thought process translates into them doing something wrong when that stimulation does not reach the highest peak. Now yes, there is a certain expectation when it comes to men and sex, women want a man that can help them achieve an orgasm every time but these goals are unrealistic (unless you practice the art of Tantric sex like Sting). So stop thinking about what you are doing wrong and focus on what you know you are doing right.
3. This Was Awkward
When you go into an intimate act with the only end goal being to climax, you may be setting yourself up for the ultimate failure. You talk a big game but then you cannot back it up; you kind of end up looking like a catastrophe, a let-down, and a disaster. Not to mention how awkward you feel because you failed to live up to that big talk. Allow your body to go with the flow and just have a good time, climaxing is not the only reason why people have sex and it should not be the only reason why you have sex. Take pleasure in knowing that you take the time to try out different things and explore one another.
2. This Wasn’t Fun
The fun is easily sucked out of the room when you are trying too hard (no pun intended). Some couples are focused solely on achieving that ultimate high that they are no longer having fun, the enjoyment is gone and the connection ceases to exist. There is too much focus on trying to make her have the greatest night ever that you just end up resenting how hard you have to work and how little fun it is to have an intimate time with her. The lack of fun is cutting deep wounds into your connection and leaving the both of you unsatisfied and unimpressed.
1. I Failed
An orgasm is generally the plan at the end of an intimate session, so you can see why when this plan does not fan out there is shock, disappointment and a slight feeling of failure (unless your ego is the size of the highest mountain). Guys generally feel like they have failed at the one job they were selected to do for that moment. Unfortunately, what most fail to realize is that an orgasm is not guaranteed; in addition it is as much mental as it is physical. Think of it this way: maybe she was not in the right head space to achieve an orgasm or maybe she can only get off on foreplay. Do not be so hard on yourself, it is something that takes years of practice on both ends.