Open relationships are almost always associated with the term taboo and has a “he who shall not be named” stigma attached to it. The truth is, it is more common than most would know; it is so common that it actually has a real name, CNM (or consensually non-monogamous). With the latest violation of privacy that occurred (the Ashley Madison hack) people are either wondering how something like this can work or they are on the complete opposite end, and are wondering how people can allow this to work. The idea of an open relationship is something that has crossed the minds of most couples; just because you are now married or committed to someone does not mean your attraction to others goes out the door (if anything it generally becomes more lustful). People always want what they can’t have and a committed relationship on the whole means that they can no longer sleep with who they want, hangout with certain people (i.e. their exes), or say inappropriate things to someone who is not their partner. A lot of things get taken away; an open relationship is seen to those involved as something that still allows you to express your sexuality, experiment with others and still have that home and comfort to lie with at night. To chalk it up, being in an open relationship does not always have to be negative; here is a list of facts that polyamorous lovers want you to know about open relationships.
12. Less Likely To Get An STI
Because you know you are having sex with several people (sometimes all at once) you tend to be more cautious and protective of your body. People who have an open relationship generally get a bad rap, society assumes they are unclean, dirty, have had multiple sexually transmitted infections and a lack of self respect. Truth be told, they are some of the cleanest people you will find who just happen to really really enjoy sex with no strings attached. Can you fault anyone for being honest and comfortable enough with themselves to admit that they love having sex with multiple people?
11. They Produce Better Relationships
Unbeknownst to the rest of society, people in open relationships apparently have a better and healthier connection. Because they are so open about their sexuality, their wants and their needs, they feel more comfortable talking about things that are way less intimidating and tough. Vulnerability is kind of out the door once you tell someone how kinky you are. The feeling of comfort is so reassuring that they feel that they can share anything with their partner, and know that they won’t get a crazy reaction because really, once you can tell your partner that you are intimate with someone else and they are okay with it, everything else is a piece of cake.
10. They Follow A Strict Set Of Rules
Along with anything else, a strict set of rules is in play to ensure that no one gets hurt (physically or emotionally), people are having fun and having the best experience possible. These rules can be anything from having a safe word, to signing actual paper contracts, having someone sit in the room (usually a husband or boyfriend or vice versa) while their spouse engages in the sexual activity. Do not be fooled by the idea of fun that surrounds the act of an open relationship; it is a very serious business and can have harsh repercussions if you fail to follow the rules that are set out.
9. They Are Not Freaks
Like girls that sleep around and are quickly branded, people in open relationships are quickly branded with vile words that should never be repeated. Obviously, this is not the truth and they are clearly just human beings like the rest of the world. Anything out of the ordinary to society is christened with a hateful name because people are confused and unaware with the unfamiliar. They don’t know how to do anything but attack it. Being in an open relationship does not turn you into some kind of monster, you can’t pick them out of a crowd and realistically, they could be the person sitting beside you in church every week.
8. Supposedly More Common In Gay Relationships
A study was done in 2014 that showed that up to 2% of U.S. women identify as lesbian, and up to 4% of men identify as gay. The study also confirmed that gay men are more adamant about being in an open relationship. About 4 to 5% of gay people are involved in an open relationship. Why are they more inclined and susceptible to being in an open relationship? Is it easier for gays and lesbians to carry on an association this way? When you really examine it, maybe they are just way smarter than the rest of society and are ahead of the trends in the world.
7. They Have Secret Clubs
There are actual clubs, parties and particular social scenes that allow people involved in open relationships to be themselves and find several other people in the same situation as them. These clubs are in places that you would never assume (like the back room of the club you frequent on weekends). Why do they get their own clubs you ask? Simple, they saw a hole and filled it. The clubs also abide by a strict set of rules and not everyone there is engaging in sex; some people like to watch, some people like to play and other times it’s a community center just to meet like-couples who they will most likely hook up with in the near future.
6. They Take Their Relationship Very Serious
So yes, they sleep around and welcome other men and women (or both) into their bed but they also take their personal relationship very seriously. They get hurt like others, they experience jealousy, guilt, shame and they too sometimes have to go to counseling. This is the beauty of an open relationship; meaning it is no different from yours or others (besides the multiple partner thing). This is really where the rules apply and why they are so important. If something happens without consulting your partner, you have broken that trust and that bond. So if their partner does not approve of their choice, no is no; period.
5. A Lot Of Celebrities Are In Open Relationships
Forget Will and Jada, there is more to open relationships than this couple. Couples like Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitt, Tilda Swinton and John Byrne, Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green; the list is extensive and surprising, and to be honest exciting to pry into their lives and see what kind of kinky stuff they are into. Open relationships in Hollywood seem to be more acceptable due to the lifestyle that they live; constantly being in and out of town, filming on location, making appearances and just being dead tired after working so hard. Don’t let the shy demeanor of these celebs fool you.
4. It Can Get Boring
Like everything else, people can get bored with an open relationship. Once the fun and games are over and you have tried all you want to try, the excitement wears off and becomes less intriguing. The good thing about that is you kind of get your spouse back full time and you get to experience more special moments with them and when you get bored with that, you can jump out of retirement and back into the open relationship game. This may seem confusing to most but ultimately, it is one of the pros and cons of being in an open relationship.
3. Why Be Loved By One When You Can Be Loved By Many
Love has endless possibility and apparently several opportunities, and what better way to find out how many people can fall in love with you than sleeping with all of them. Just kidding, however, the possibility for love is more likely and more acceptable when you open yourself up to so much more. It is definitely an interesting way to find your soul mate but one that has worked for many before. Polyamorous relationships do not end when you get married. In fact, they get better due to having a trusted partner who has the same wild streak as you do.
2. It’s Actually Called Consensually Non-Monogamous
CNM for short; a lot of sex experts believe that monogamy is not a practical part of life and that human beings are put here to feel everything, and experience everything without being trapped in a relationship. Back in the day the lifespan of human beings was about 30-45 years old, so when they committed to that whole “till death do us part” thing it was like an unwritten rule that whoever died first (normally the female) it was free rein to take another lover and do it all over again. Cheating was also very prevalent at this time and most women were inclined to turn a blind eye.
1. It Is Not As Taboo As It Seems
Open relationships are not as taboo as most of society believes them to be. More and more people are realizing the benefits of being able to share their bodies and their sexuality with multiple people. So who do we blame this on? Is it the media as always? Or is it the way that society now perceives life? Is this even something that actually needs an explanation? Being fluid within your relationships is now the new norm and it does not seem to shock many when they confess to being in a poly-relationship, or casually sleeping with people on the side.