Sex is such a touchy topic (no pun intended) it makes people re-evaluate their intentions, their actions and most importantly who they are sleeping with. This does not mean that they do not have rituals and routines that have become obsessive and crucial to their sexual satisfaction. This obsession normally affects women; we have a need to make things perfect and precise. Believe it or not guys, your impending visit has us acting crazy and preparing for something that is routine to most people. Unfortunately, with this generation spontaneous sex is a thing of the past and as impulsive as it comes off as guys, hate to break it you but we had it planned in our heads weeks ago. Along with those pesky physical pre-sex rituals, there are home rituals that take place that are equally impulsive. So at the risk of sounding like an evil witch who insists on performing ritual after ritual, gentlemen read on and get just a small whiff of what your significant other goes through to make the sexual experience perfect for you, not her.
12. Buy New Lingerie
Any excuse to buy something is always a good excuse. However, buying something sexy for your sexy time can be a bit nerve racking. Even though we tell our guys a little white lie about having this “old thing” for a while, please know that we have freshly ripped the tags off as we run to the door to greet you. It will never matter how much lingerie we have in our drawers and closets, we always want to buy something particular for you. So next time we wear something sexy for you, say something about it so we know that you know that we have gone through a lot to impress you.
11. Plan Out How The Sex Will Go
Yes, we know that planning out how sex will go is neurotic, slightly crazy and most of all irrational but… let us explain. There could be certain positions we want to try, maybe a few phrases we want to say that would only make sense if we were in said position, or maybe we are simply control freaks who have no idea how to let up. Is it crazy to plan out how the sex will go? Or is it smart to prepare for everything and have a well constructed back-up plan? However, most women will admit we do go a little overboard sometimes.
10. Talk With Our Girls About It
Everyone loves a juicy piece of gossip, and what’s better than getting your girls together and talking about your past and present endeavors with sex. Girlfriends are a shoulder to lean on and women like to get together and talk about the crazy, sensual, exciting, and life altering experiences they have had in bed. A pre-talk is what gives us the opportunity to throw out ideas, act super girly (i.e screaming, jumping up and down and chanting) to the idea of getting laid because god knows for some women this moment comes few and far between.
9. Give Herself A Pep Talk
Just like a tough game of football, woman also need a pep talk and reassurance. She needs to pump herself and get ready for the night ahead; yeah we may do some push-ups, slap ourselves around a bit just to get our heads in the game. A mirror pep talk is one of the best kept secrets. People do not really realize the benefits of it until they start doing it and most importantly, men do not realize that a pep talk is like an instant confidence boost that is much needed and well received. It is equivalent to a significant other telling her how good she looks or what he likes about her body.
8. Stick To The Good Foods
Did you know that food can alter your bodily fluids? Sounds gross when it is put that way, right? What are the good foods you ask? Pineapples, citrus fruits, jasmine tea, and all the sweet smelling foods that make everything about you smell amazing, better yet, taste amazing. It is a known fact that certain foods have a great affect on the hygiene of one’s body and as they sweat (which most do during sex), instead of tasking like salt, you will have a more neutral taste and smell more lemony (that beats smelling like salt right?). If we have a heads up like a few days in advance, trust me our diets will consist of fruits and juices.
7. Go To The Washroom
Like men we too have to get rid of our toxic day by using the washroom; however, we seem to obsess at the idea of something horrific happening with our bowels and bladder during sex (not sure where this fear originated). We end up going to the bathroom several times before our companion shows up. In addition to frequent bathroom trips, we sometimes go overboard and force ourselves to go to the bathroom with herbal teas, pills and whatever else we can think of. So yes, it is not normal and definitely phobic but hey, better safe than sorry, right?
6. Really Think Long And Hard About Our Life Choice
While we are anticipating our night of fun ahead, we are also contemplating if we are actually going to go through with it. Several times throughout the day we pick up the phone to cancel our promiscuous plans and even chicken out doing that. Unfortunately for most men, when our minds get rolling and we are in the moment, it is easy for us to flip a switch and overthink our actions instead of just enjoying the fun side of things. What makes things worse is when we know we are making a bad decision but continue to do it, we have made worst decisions in life.
5. Change The Sheets
Even if our sheets were freshly put on that morning, there is a slight obsessive, compulsive need to change the sheets if the sexual activity is going to take place at her house. It is almost like an ease of mind to further affirm that everything is perfect. We simply cannot risk the embarrassment of him seeing any kind of stain that is most likely food (because what sane girl does not eat in her bed wrapped up in covers?). Fresh sheets are the best sheets and he probably will not notice that you put on fresh sheets, but you will know and it will satisfy your fleeing mind completely.
4. Shave It ALL
Even if we know we are pretty maintained, we still have a little panic attack before diving into bed with someone. One of the ways we combat this panic attack is to re-shave/re-wax everything we have already hacked off; nothing like a fresh shave to make someone feel more comfortable and prepared for her nightly endeavors. Unfortunately, because we are so anxious and anticipating the night ahead of us, we usually muck it up and cut our already smooth skin. If we didn’t look perfect before, we sure look ridiculous now. Cuts and bruises are never cute for a night of passion.
3. Freshen Up Their Private Area
No, our natural smell is not baby powder, but it can be. Women will not tell you but they often spray a little body mist, perfume or straight up baby powder down south to appear always fresh and always ready. Now, we all know that no sensible man is dumb enough to assume we naturally smell like flowers or a cool sea breeze, but if they know what’s right for them they shut their mouths and appreciate what we do for them. If they only knew the struggles of a grown woman.
2. Put On A Fresh Face Of Make-Up
Yes guys, we do wear make-up and natural is not always a good look on every girl, so be thankful that we constantly re-apply and touch up throughout the day. However, you might not have known that a lot of girls wipe all of their face of make-up, only to re-do it in preparation for your arrival; it is generally more subtle so we don’t look like we have gone all out just for you when we actually have. A pouty lip here, a touch of mascara there and we are good to go (oh, and of course some foundation to hide whatever imperfections we may think we have). Next challenge; trying to not get make-up on the sheets and blow our cover.
1. Take A shower
We clearly love to be fresh and clean, so taking a shower before sex is a very logical step (at least if the sex was bad he cannot complain that we did not smell fantastic). Guys love sweet smelling bath soaps and shower gels. Women obsess about sex more than men do and have a need to perfect every aspect of it; this includes making sure everyone has a good time. It is sensual and exciting but most of all, she has to make sure that her body is on point for every moment of the special time; this includes being so fresh and so clean.