The LGBTQ community is like a secret society, those who are not involved are so curious about what goes on in both a good and “bad” way. Due to decades of no acceptance, this community has been forced to hide who they are, what they like, and almost forced to feel shameful about being who they were born to be. The community has now become stronger and formed alliances with loving people who accept their struggle and advocate for them like never before. Because there is a confidence boost within this community, now may be the right time to start understanding them even more. Like everyone else we have a fear of asking certain questions simply because we do not want to seem as though we are prying or being overly involved in realistically something that is supposed to be private.
Unfortunately, the unknown is what makes us so attracted to these kinds of questions and why we are bursting to know more. Out of fear of sounding ignorant, uneducated and completely offensive, we have kept those burning questions to ourselves locked away for no one to ever hear. Fortunately, the LGBTQ community is one that is slowly (but surely) becoming more accepted and less taboo; so today is the day we start asking those questions and not feeling intrusive about it, guilty or judgmental. Here is a list of questions that you may have been afraid to ask in the past. What are your burning questions about the LGBTQ community?
12. “Do Toys Excite You?”
This may seem like an ignorant question, but many people out there believe that if you are a lesbian than you may not be into toys that are shaped like male genitalia. However, the ignorance notch is taken one step further believing that lesbians can only get off by using toys shaped like male genitalia. To ease your confusion, Cosmopolitan magazine has taken it upon themselves to give you a crash course on sex toys that can be used by any lesbian or lesbian couple, and even by some adventurous male couples.
11. “But How Did You KNOW You Were Gay For Sure?”
This is the age old question that is not that easy to explain. You could counteract with a smarty pants question like: “how did you know you were straight?” But really it is as simple as the same way you knew you were straight. There was no fireworks, epiphany, or a sexual encounter that forced them to say “OMG I am GAY”, there was just a knowing; in the book Doing It Right by Bronwen Pardes, she states that it can be difficult to know what you identify as because most people identify as straight but it ultimately comes down to how you feel.
10. “What Is The Difference Between…”
It can be a lot to keep up with the terms that people identify with, and most of the time others are afraid to ask in fear that they will offend or get awkward daggers stared into their very soul. So what is the difference between all of their identifiers? According to Medical Daily, they are actually quite different. Transsexuals are people who transition from one sex to another; transgender are people whose identity and sense of self does not associate with the gender they were born with. A transvestite is someone who enjoys dressing in the clothing of the opposite sex, usually because they identify with that sex more, and a cross dresser is the same thing as a transvestite; the only thing that MAY be different is that person does not wish to be the opposite sex, but they do however enjoy the costume aspect of it.
9. How Does It Work In The Bedroom Department?
This question is probably the most popular and the most privacy invading question to ask anyone, gay or straight. An article by the Huffington Post attempts to answer as many questions as possible but if you really think about it, sex is sex. Yes, we are aware that this is a basic description but we all know what sex is and while we may not know exactly how gay people enjoy sex, we have to assume that it is not that far off from how straight people enjoy sex. But if you lack an imagination, read Jincey Lumpkins’ sex column.
8. “Do You Have A Preference Of How You Like Your ‘Lady Bits’?”
Straight women seem to have a slight obsession with how they groom and tame their genital mane; do lesbian women go as deep? Do you care if it is shaved, a full on bush, or a cute little design? They probably have the same thoughts as every other independent minded individual; some like it one way some like it another. It seems as though a lesbian input is more important for very obvious reasons, but ultimately whatever a girl has down there usually does not matter much to the person they are sleeping with. You may have more of a hang up about your lady bits than anyone else.
7. “Are You Annoyed With People Who Identify As Bisexual?”
Bisexuals get somewhat of a shifty rap depending on who you talk to; some would go as far as to say that they may be the “invisible” bunch in the LGBTQ community. However, fear not, there is no love lost between bisexuals and gays; in fact, it seems more common now-a-days to be bisexual and fluid than it is to be gay or straight. However, it must suck to be told so often that you should “pick a side” or that “you’re greedy”, or even that your fluidity and open mindedness is not real. It looks like there is no hate here.
6. “What Is A Gold Star?”
Please do not confuse this gold star with the ones you receive on your mediocre homework by an over enthusiastic teacher. This lucky gold star refers to a woman or man who has never had sex with the opposite sex. The ones who know for a definite fact that they have no interest in members of the opposite sex, or even the late bloomers who were in no rush to experience sex before their natural time. Apparently this is more common than one would think, simply because they usually know they are gay before the age that they would even be thinking about having sex.
5. “Do You Feel Like Gay People Are Portrayed Well On Popular TV Shows?”
Ilene Chaiken’s The L Word caused a huge stir in the LGBTQ community up until 2009 when it ended its last season. While it was pretty loved by most, there were still a few stragglers who felt as though the show could have been depicted more true to form. Same thing with Queer As Folk and Looking. However, it turns out that quite a few people hated how the lesbian community was portrayed but more so, they hated Jenny (you will get that one if you watched the show in its entirety). They found the writing boring, untrue to character and not as accurate as it could be, but still cling to it because it is one of very few shows that represents their community.
4. “Do You Ever Get Offended When People Ask Questions Meant To Be “Funny”?
This one is a no brainer; asking an ignorant question about someone’s sexuality is not only offensive but it is unnecessary. Buzzfeed did a surveying questions video where lesbians and gays asked one another questions about their sexuality, and although they took it light-heartedly, you were really able to see that if this was not a video meant to be fun and humorous, the questions could be seen as intrusive, annoying and disrespectful. So it is safe to say that the gay community may feel a bit offended when they are faced with not so normal questions.
3. Do You Ever Wish You Were Not Gay?
This is a phase that most gay people go through especially as they are trying to figure out what these feelings mean. It is hard to know what is okay and what is bad when you are sometimes surrounded by people who do not accept what you have to accept. Wishing that you were not gay is the one way some people know how to deal with either the negativity they receive from others, the rejection they feel within themselves and how all that rolled together allows them to feel comfortable enough to be social and confident. Do not fear, this feeling will pass and you will find your place.
2. “Why Do You Have Nick Names For The Type Of People You Date?”
Butch, femme, bear, otter, cubs and twinks are only some of the many names out there that gay men and women use to describe other gay men and women. Where do these names come from? And just how do they distinguish who is who and what is what? First the most commonly known one “bear”, was a term coined by Richard Bulger who founded Bear magazine some time ago, so is it safe to say that other terms like femme or butch are words that were made up along the way by people in the gay community to help distinguish what kind of woman or man another gay person was looking for? The terms are definitely helpful and make you wonder what unique names are in the straight community.
1. “Are You A Pitcher Or A Catcher?”
It is only natural to want to know who is who in a same sex relationship. We have to admit that it is a bit rude to ask a question like that considering that no one is asking a straight couple what their roles are in the bedroom. Out of sheer curiosity and based on the fact that those little nicknames have actual meanings, you cannot blame us for wanting to know more about something that has falsely been labelled taboo. However, be prepared for that awkward silence or stare of death when you actually get up the courage to ask said question.