Your FB timeline or Twitter feed just wouldn’t be complete without at least one column or article that’s named “7 Reasons Why KickBoxing Is Life” or “15 Reasons It’s Cool To Be An Introvert Lumbersexual Lefty.” There’s a listicle for everything under the sun because people on the internet LOVE listicles just like you! And sure, we don’t know you personally, so how can we say a thing like that? Hello, you’re reading a listicle RIGHT NOW. Admit it, you LOVE listicles!
Listicles are popular because in a world where we love to consume information as fast as we can, listicles satisfy our need to know RIGHT NOW. They also fit right into everyone’s fast paced schedules of navigating through four social media sites throughout the day while trying to look like they’re working. They’re a quick and easy read that’s perfect for work or when you get together with friends and hang out (look at your phones.)
But with anything that’s popular, eventually there comes a time of oversaturation and listicles aren’t immune to this. You can now find every possible listicle about every possible subject under the sun and it’s becoming harder and harder for sites to come up with a unique content which is why you see a lot of the same topics tweaked and rehashed to make a whole ‘new’ article.
Almost every site has been guilty of rehashing the same ol listicle topic (we’ve probably done it too) but we’re here to say it needs to stop; particularly these 10 topics that have been beat into a pulp.
Yes dammit, we love FRIENDS. Who doesn’t love Friends? Who doesn’t immediately jump to harsh conclusions about someone’s personality when they don’t like Friends? (dead on the inside…liar…boring…). The internet people have seen our love and have cheapened it with endless Friends related listicles such as; “7 Reasons Why Phoebe Was The Funny Friend,” “5 Reasons Why Friends Was The Best Show,” “10 Reasons Why Friends was the Worst Show.” It’s turned our once very genuine and very true love into a perverse, stalker-like obsession. We just like the show, we don’t have a shrine in our closet for it. Calm down, internet.
9. Facebook Etiquette
What not to post on Facebook? Apparently; EVERYTHING. And I confess, even I’ve written a Facebook etiquette listicle in the past. But now it’s gone way too far. To sum up what all these listicles are telling you: Facebook etiquette is to apparently over-obsesses about everything you want to post and make sure that it doesn’t offend, annoy, or inspire an opinion from ANYONE. Don’t post another picture of your kids, that’s annoying! Omg, are you posting a picture of your food? No one cares! Your workout check-ins are making everyone feel like a fat ass! We know what you look like, stop with the selfies! So in order to help end this Facebook shaming, we are going to write the last listicle about Facebook etiquette on the internet ever! Here it is:
Two Reasons Why You Should Post Whatever The Hell You Want On Facebook –
1. Because it’s your Facebook
2. It’s not your problem they don’t know how to use the ‘hide this from your newsfeed’ feature.
We get it. People are cooler when they’re introverts and don’t get along with people. They’re all very quiet, sensitive and deep. So, can we stop with this already? Stop with the, “4 Reasons Why You Might Be An Introvert In Extrovert Clothing” Stop with the “7 Ways To Handle The Introvert In Your Life.” ENOUGH with the “5 Questions You Need To Answer To See If You Have Introvert Envy” quizzes. You know the topic has gone off the rails when people can’t even say ‘introvert’ without rolling their eyes. Congratulations internet, you’ve made hanging out with obnoxious extroverts actually sound appealing.
7. Lumbersexual Hipsters
We live in a world where this is actually a thing (let’s all pause and facepalm ourselves) and there are a myriad of listicles out there that either describe what they are, break them down into certain types based on the region they’re in, list signs that you’re attracted to one, or talk about why you are one or why you should become one. How can there be this many listicles on something so incredibly stupid? Especially when a hipster is almost the complete opposite of a lumberjack. Lumberjacks can wield an ax, they’re calloused, and muscled up from said hard work and probably don’t have time to take a selfie let alone even know what a ‘selfie’ is. Lumbersexuals on the other hand, are just regular guys who are cosplaying a lumberjack. Let’s stop insulting sexy, hard working, REAL lumberjacks and go back to having hipsters wear bow ties and man tights.
6. 80s/90s Throwback Lists
Bills, mortgages, work, traffic – is it any wonder that most of us are looking for a chance to return back to a time where we didn’t have to deal with any of that crap? For most of us, that took place sometime in the 80s and 90s. The days when your biggest worry was making sure your homework was done before Beverly Hills 90210 came on, otherwise you’d miss it (because what’s a ‘DVR?’). Real life is stressful and the internets know that we want to escape back to the times of chokers and Saved By The Bell. As a result, they’ve conjured up every throwback list you can possibly imagine. When there is a listicle dedicated to Pee Chee folders, that’s when you know that they’re running out of shit to write about and they’re just dry heaving crap at us until we decide to go back to our present day lives.
5. Struggles Only (insert type of person) Know About
Short people struggles, tall people struggles, medium sized people struggles, brunette struggles, blond struggles, ginger struggles – for every first world ‘struggle,’ you can bet that you’ll find a very annoying listicle to match. We’re a pretty self-involved species and we all want to stand out, we all want to be different, we clamor for things that reinforce our individuality BUT we also want to be accepted, loved and be a part of something. ‘Struggle’ listicles touch on all those ego-driven wants and reinforces them. You stand out, (those tall people can’t relate!) but at the same time, you’re a part of a VERY exclusive group of short people who knows what a pain it is to try and get a pair of underwear that’s at the very bottom of the washer. These are the junk food of listicles and it need to just stop already.
4. Superficial Parenting
There are tons of listicles out there directed at parents and usually the subject is about kids and how to parent the crazy little people you gave life to. It’s a daunting task and most parents need internet guidance along the way which is why parenting listicles are a great way to get the information you need quickly and easily. But of course, along with the informative pieces, also come the bad ones. Sure, listicles about what ‘cool moms’ do or the top 10 fashionable toddlers you should follow on Instagram, are meant to be fun, but if the internet keeps spitting out trivial parenting listicles like this, pretty soon future parents will start believing that dressing your kid in a Ralph Lauren shirt, a bow tie, and designer sneakers is what constitutes as ‘good parenting.’
I feel really bad for millennials. The first generation that grew up with the internet is also the first generation to have the internet strip their lives down into easy-to-digest listicle articles. There are listicles dedicated to what millennials wear, eat, say, do, are going to do or already did do. There seems to be an endless media fawning and over analyzing of this generation and we wonder why some of them are so self-absorbed. And yes, while they’ve been accused of being narcissistic and entitled, we’re willing to bet that even allegedly self-absorbed millennials are tired of reading about themselves. Let’s give these guys a break already and make more listicles about how to get more Nutella in our mouth.
2. Life Hacks
Who doesn’t love learning a good life hack? That thing where you use the cardboard toilet paper roll to amplify the sound of your phone? Brilliant. It’s the very best kind of listicle; fast, informative and fun. But lately, it seems like everyone has baked every cake in a mug and yes, parents know to put a cupcake wrapper on their kids’ popsicles so it catches all the drips. We’ve seen all the same ‘life hacks’ time and time again and just because it’s good for some things doesn’t mean we need to find a hack for EVERYTHING, do we? There are just some things in life that shouldn’t be hacked. Would you rather read about 20 life lessons you need to know by your 20s, or learn your own life lessons from, oh I don’t know, being 20 and actually living a life you haven’t “hacked” all the interesting experiences out of with endless listicles?
1. Listicles About Listicles
We’ll shut up now.