“I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.”
That is but a portion of a poem entitled In Memoriam, written in 1849 by Alfred, Lord Tennyson. The poem was written about a dear friend of the poet that had died from a brain hemorrhage a few years previous. The ode had taken Tennyson several years to complete, and he felt that it needed to be said that the importance of loving someone is always worth the risk of losing them. It didn’t actually have much to do with heartbreak at the time, but the death of a loved one and losing someone to a break-up has been compared and can sometimes be just as painful, if not worse. It has been said that with death; at least you know that the person did not leave you willfully, but that is not always the case with the end of a relationship.
Everyone at one point in their lives goes through a break-up, and it is never easy. What is beneficial about being in the information age is that “help” is merely a click away. Break-ups are never easy, and no two people usually cope with it the same way. The previous quip from the poem is meant for people to appreciate what they may have once had, but most people really don’t want to hear that after a break-up. To them it just sounds like a lot of psychological mumbo-jumbo from somebody who just wants them to move on and get over it.
After digging through the multiple sites found on the internet, many different ways to deal with ending a relationship were listed. The majority of these sites were not written by doctors, and I, myself, do not have a PhD, but sometimes just living through an emotional turmoil is a good enough reason to share and to try to help others with what they have been through and learned. There are many stages of grief, and these are some things that just might help you move on once that special someone has broken your heart.
10. Let Yourself Cry
It sounds easy enough, doesn’t it? It should be fairly easy once you feel like your heart has been torn into a million pieces and you don’t want to even think about anything else. It may be easy to cry, but not easy to actually go through. It may be tempting not to allow your emotions to get the best of you, to skip over the crying phase, or even get back together with the one who betrayed you; but you really need to cry and let it all out before you can move on. It also helps if you have friends around who will be there for you and you can lean on in the process.
9. Help Out Another Person That May Be Going Through Troubles
Sometimes the best way to get over your own problems is to help someone else out with theirs. This may just put everything into perspective for you. This is especially true if the other person is going through something extremely difficult and it may help you forget all about your heartbreak, even if just for a little while. Even though it is not good to skip over the emotions of sadness, it’s not healthy to spend all of your time crying about what was. This person can also be a good person to lean on, for you may help them out with their problems, as well as your own.
8. Try To Avoid Places Where They Go For A While
If your ex is a regular at the coffee shop that you normally hang out during the week, try going to a different one for a little while. It doesn’t have to be permanent, just until you can see them without bawling your eyes out or wanting to stab him with your coffee stirrer. And who knows? Perhaps that new hangout will have the new “love of your life” that you would have missed by going to the same one that your old flame frequents. Or you could always just skip coffee and switch to drinking tea, instead. It just might be a little healthier.
7. Watch A Funny Movie, Listen To Uplifting Music
After you feel like you cannot cry one more tear, one of the best things to do is to find a great movie to watch. Just don’t go for the one that is a tear-jerker, or even the romantic comedy that always works out in the end. Find yourself a really good Will Ferrell flick, or check out Harold and Kumar, or even Dumb and Dumber. These are stupid, yet extremely humorous ones that will make you think more about the idiocy of the movie instead of what your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend may be up to at the moment. Listening to upbeat, funny music is also another way to relieve yourself of bad emotions. Just be careful, though. You may find yourself listening to “your song,” or unintentionally hearing break-up songs. It may help to pick them all out beforehand.
6. Find New Activities
One of the best possible things you can do for yourself is to eat right and exercise. It is even more accurate when you are going through a bad break-up. The eating right part is just a given, although sometimes a big fat greasy cheeseburger might hit the spot if your appetite is strong enough. Exercising is a fantastic idea to “sweat out” the bad feelings, and will put you into great shape in the process.
If you are not the type to get on a treadmill, perhaps you may want to think about planning a getaway with some friends, or even by yourself. It is the perfect time to start something new, and just think about it; you don’t have to worry about having to tell your significant other where you are and what you are doing. The world is your oyster!
5. Use Your Imagination
If you like to write, then by all means; write. Write a book, a novel, a poem; you could even write a letter to the one who broke your heart. Just don’t give it to them; it could make matters a lot worse. Use your imagination and do whatever inspires you. Paint a mural, doodle a cartoon, redecorate your house if that’s what makes you happy. If you find yourself sitting around and starting to mope (well after your crying it out phase), do something that finds your creative side. You may just discover something that you’re good at that has not been revealed in the past.
4. Forgive The Other Person When You Can
Once you are to the point where you no longer spend your entire night crying your eyes out, your days thinking of how you can get back together with your ex, or the time on the internet looking at every picture they post, it may be the time to forgive them. No, this doesn’t mean that you should go become friends with them again (although if that is what you really want to do, then nothing is stopping you). It just means that you shouldn’t beat yourself up about the end of the relationship, and just let them go. You may still be a little angry, but it doesn’t mean that you can’t forgive them. Sometimes you just have to forgive someone for you, not them. It may help you out more than you think.
3. Motivate Yourself
Think about the kind of person you were before the relationship. Whether you were together for six months or six years, the chances that you changed as a person are more than likely expected to happen. If you like the person that you have become, then you should strive to stay that person and do things that (again) make you happy. Create goals. Make a calendar to do certain things that pertain to those goals and stick to it. If you aren’t happy with the person you are now, then do something to change that. There is absolutely nothing stopping you but yourself.
2. Remove Them From Your Life Entirely
The best possible advice given is to remove them from your life entirely. If you aren’t planning on becoming friends (which very rarely ever works out as intended), then you should delete them. This doesn’t mean you should kill them, or anything extreme like that. It means that you should “unfriend” them on Facebook. Delete all private messages and texts. Rid them of all of your social media accounts. Do not Tweet the ex-boyfriend, unfollow them altogether. Do not seek out their pictures on Instagram or Kik. As a matter of fact, remove their name and number entirely from your phone. Just don’t do this until you are completely ready to move on, or else you will find yourself re-adding them, which will make for a very awkward situation if not careful.
1. Start To Date Again
When you can get through an entire day of not thinking about them, it may be time to move on. The best way to do this is by getting yourself out there and dating again. Sure, it might seem too soon, but the only sure way to find out is by simply doing it. If you find yourself talking through the entire date about your ex, then it may be too soon, but the only way to find out is by doing it. Just make sure that you don’t go to the same restaurant that you went to on the first date, and try not to talk too much about past relationships. When you are ready, you will know, and it will get easier as time goes by. Just remember that there was a reason that the relationship did not work out and your soulmate is just waiting to be found.