It’s Christmas season and everyone knows it’s cold outside, but inside it can be quite delightful. Especially if you and your significant other have decided to have a holiday movie night. So… you’ve got the hot chocolate going in the reindeer mugs your mom gave you, the microwave popcorn is a popping and the yule log’s burning in the fireplace.
As you settle into your comfy couch with your partner by your side, though, maybe you’re hoping for a little extra Christmas cheer. Maybe you want a Christmas movie to watch that’s so romantic that you and your girl will be inspired and end up making out yourselves. Or maybe you’ll choose one so terrible, so lacking in holiday fun, that the two of you will turn to each other in desperation, glad to banish the cheesy awfulness from your heads. Whatever the reason, here’s 10 Christmas movies bound to add a little extra spice to your evening.
10. Love Actually
You really can’t go wrong with this one. We know. We speak from personal experience. First off the bat, it stars the winner of every guy’s “Most Vaguely Annoying Englishman” contest, Hugh Grant. It’s a complete and utter mystery to most of us but for a quarter of a century now that dude has been wowing our ladies. Perhaps it’s got something to do with the accent. Perhaps it’s just the fact that, for an English guy, he’s actually got great teeth. All we know is that his role in this movie is perfect for exciting his female fans; the dedicated, lonely Prime Minister of England who can’t seem to find love anywhere except with the simple girl from the working class family. Bill Nighy’s classic rocker who finds unexpected holiday success will keep you interested while she roots for poor, misunderstood Emma Thompson. Throw in a 10-year old boy with a massive crush on an “older” chick, a little bit of angst-ridden Liam Neeson (a surefire method to melt a woman’s heart) and a bumbling Colin Firth wooing a hot Portuguese chick and you’ve got yourself a Christmas romcom for the ages.
9. Bad Santa
This is definitely the “naughty” film on the list but if your girl is a little bit on the wild side this one just might garner you some Christmas cheer. Who knew a Gilmore Girl could be so sexy? Or that Billy Bob Thornton was so sleazy? Ok, everyone knew that last one. Still, Bad Santa is so irredeemably sexy in its own nasty way that, if the two of you are in the right mood, it might just be the best holiday makeout movie of them all. Especially if she’s got a thing for elves.
8. The Holiday
Another very sweet-natured, very chick-oriented film that will have at least one of you dabbing at her eyes, cooing about how misunderstood these poor, poor women are and rooting for their love lives to improve. Which is precisely what you want flicks like this to do. Since, you know, you’re hoping your own love life will improve from watching them. You might even find yourself rooting for the understated Jack Black character, which is probably not the way you ever thought you would hear Jack Black described. Chances are good that you’ll get some loving of your own during this one, especially when Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz finally find the men of their dreams. Don’t blame us, though, if you suddenly find yourself looking into vacation cottages in the English countryside – blame the film’s location scouts.
7. Just Friends
Okay. We know it’s stupid. We know it doesn’t have much to do with Christmas even though it’s billed as a Christmas movie. We even know it’s got Ryan Reynolds in a fat suit, which, by the way, guys, is a lot better for all of us than Ryan Reynolds not in a fat suit. But it also has a sweet center to it that will be right in your girl’s wheelhouse. Just Friends is the classic unrequited high school love story where the nerdy guy can’t get the girl of his dreams until he leaves town, gets hot and successful, comes back to his hometown, makes an ass of himself and finally lands the girl in the last scene. It’s the total romantic comedy package gift-wrapped for Christmas. You may find yourself rolling your eyes but she will probably love it. If you can make it to the last scene where the two main characters finally get together, you just may have some getting together of your own to enjoy.
6. Meet Me In St. Louis
This one works on a bunch of levels as a Christmas makeout movie. Most obviously it’s got “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” as its title track, which is pretty much guaranteed to get everyone in a cozy, cuddly, ‘Christmassy’ mood. It’s even strangely sexy, kind’ve like Judy Garland herself. It’s an Oldie, which usually means chicks will dig it and, best of all, it’s a love story. How can you go wrong? Unfortunately you might find yourself enjoying the movie and have to wait until it’s over for your own “merry little Christmas.”
5. Ernest Saves Christmas
Some movies you just know you’re not going to make it all the way through. This is definitely one of them. It’s Ernest, after all. The dude wasn’t funny back when his movies were new and he sure isn’t now. Our recommendation? Wear your ugliest Christmas sweater, pour a glass of wine, put this one on, and sit real close to your woman. The longer the movie goes on, the more attractive making out with you will be to her. Forget Deck the Halls – this one’s more like Dreck the Halls.
4. Four Christmases
If Love Actually is a guaranteed good time for you and yours, Four Christmases falls at the opposite end of the spectrum. If you have any sense, you’ll turn the sound down and be making out within 30 minutes of starting the movie. It’s supposed to be a witty look at estrangement, reconciliation and the ultimate power of true love but instead turns out to be a clunker of bad comedic timing, stupid back-stories and overly awkward jokes. A pretty incredible cast (Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek) can’t save the terminally “naughty” Vince Vaughn from crashing and burning as Reese Witherspoon’s annoying, self-absorbed husband. Vaughn is also in the terrible Fred Claus so he obviously missed the mistletoe somewhere along the line. Reese herself is better but the southern thing that worked so well in Sweet Home Alabama and Legally Blonde doesn’t make any sleighs fly here. Fun, light Christmas fare this is not. Skip the cocoa, grab an extra candy-cane mint for your breath and get it on.
3. A Christmas Carol (2009)
Another Christmas movie that will have you making out in no time. Or maybe just huddled together under the blanket, holding on to each other as the frightening story unfolds before you. The original Christmas Carol was, at its heart, quite the ghost story. If you’re into that, then this Jim Carrey vehicle is perfect for you. He plays both Scrooge and all three of the ghosts with a creepiness you don’t normally see in most adaptations of the story (The Muppet’s Christmas Carol this is not). Just pop this one in, don’t tell your sweetheart what she’s gonna be watching and she’ll be jumping into your lap in no time. She’ll demand to cuddle if for no other reason than to ignore the freak on the screen. Just don’t try it with Carrey’s The Grinch. That one’s so creepy she’ll leave the room.
2. The Santa Clause 2
Most guys probably have a soft spot for Tim Allen as he’s given us years of bumbling every-man entertainment that makes our own “Real Guy” abilities look real good by comparison. He’s also the king of Christmas movies (at least according to Disney) and this one’s perfect for some couch time with your special someone. As in the first Santa Claus, the running joke that Allen is just a regular guy forced to become Santa is just funny enough to keep the plot rolling but this time there’s a twist. It appears Santa has fallen for the young, blonde school principal. That one ought to wake up all the guys in the room – a hot teacher who’s also Mrs. Claus! The possibilities are endless. Don’t worry, though, your date will be too absorbed in the slow-developing love story between the two to notice your fantasies. Start out with some simple-hand holding and you’ll be all good.
1. Eyes Wide Shut
The outlier in this collection, Eyes Wide Shut, is technically a Christmas movie since it begins and ends with a holiday theme but really, who are we kidding? It’s mostly very soft-core adult entertainment. If you can actually find Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in such a setup, then you might find yourself in some hot and heavy petting with your mate as this story of sexual intrigue unfolds. If you can’t get past the Cruise-Kidman nexus then you should just make out anyway since the movie is way overwrought and a confused, paranoid Cruise running around the screen isn’t our usual idea of holiday cheer.