What is it about cars that turns people into idiots, especially guys? Is it small penis syndrome, the need for speed or did your first stripper give you a sub-par lap dance? Whatever it is, there are certain cars that bring out the worst in people. Oh, and for the guys that think these cars are what the ladies want – you are either wrong, or you will learn several life lessons from the women they do attract. (Now let’s take a moment for guys “in the know” to have a collective chuckle.)
Full Disclaimer: In the nineties I bought a Plymouth Neon, the one with white rims that looked like soccer balls. I almost also bought a “classic” BMW. I put an Alpine stereo system and sub-woofers in the Neon (and would have done the same with the BMW). I say this to let you know there is hope, we all go through phases.
A couple of criteria for this list: First, pricing sometimes matters. In the case you are buying the “cheap version” of a luxury car, chances are it’s for all the wrong reasons. Also, number of seats matters. General rule: Two-seat vehicles are for douchebags.
Just missing the list are owners of Toyota Camry and Corolla cars. Why, you ask? Because I’m sick of hearing how these rides are the most likely to be stolen. Listen, it’s not because they are must-have, hot cars, it’s because they are the most popular. You are boring, get over it.
If douchebags and their cars anger you or make you laugh, enjoy. Honestly, the hardest part about writing this list is not dropping F-bombs every three words. Here are the 10 cars where you are most likely to find a douchebag behind the wheel.
11. Ford Mustang (Nineties models)
The classic Mustang from the seventies was a sexy muscle car that combined a great look with lots of power. The nineties version was a fancy Ford Escort. Unfortunately the nineties version also introduced the 5.0-liter version of the Mustang, the one with the obnoxious rear spoiler. This was the one Vanilla Ice rapped about. Since, Ford has tried to recreate the seventies, but has ended up back in the nineties. Anyone driving one of these cars (bonus points if it’s a nineties 5.0) might as well roll down the windows and blast “Ice Ice Baby.” It was obnoxious then and is now both obnoxious and dated. (Super douchebag bonus for anyone caught in one of these “rolling” down Ocean Drive in Miami.)