Cars are dangerous. Or so says a report by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety. And it’s not exactly that they outright claim that cars are dangerous, so much as they present data that should give anyone about to enter a car pause. And pause is good. Considering the implications of getting into a hunk of metal, oftentimes with the intention of hurtling down a busy highway at breakneck speeds, anyone in their right mind should be wary. This isn’t to say that cars are inherently dangerous, just as forks and blankets and eyelashes are not inherently dangerous. They’re just things. It’s that cars are, historically, responsible for a lot more deaths than those other things.
That makes sense, considering everyone, regardless of IQ or driving skill (let’s face it; driving tests are a scam) can get into a car and drive into a wall. Indeed, it’s borderline insane that we, as a country, wring our hands over safety so much, yet allow 16-year-olds to get into cars with the express intent of driving really, really fast. Now, this isn’t to say that cars should be banned, or even feared. But a healthy grain of skepticism and caution should be exercised the next time you get in a car. Especially these cars.
15. Mercury Grand Marquis
Clearly this list a little dated. Though maybe that’s also the point. Discontinued in 2011, the Mercury Grand Marquis was a full-size sedan sold from the mid-70s up until it wasn’t. From the looks of things, it peaked when it started and didn’t get any better from there, looking like a car your father would show you as the car they used to throw rocks at. According to the numbers, the Grand Marquis was responsible for 57 deaths in a million. Additionally, 33 in a million multiple vehicle crashes and 25 in a million single vehicle crashes. If your greatest fear is rolling your car over, though, the Grand Marquis might be ideal for you, as it reports zero incidents of that. You might have to salvage it from the scrap yard, though.
14. Chevrolet Aveo (Station Wagon)
Manufactured by General Motors (among many others over the years), the Chevrolet Aveo is the vehicular equivalent of a go-kart. It’s just about as safe as one, too. The Aveo has since been renamed to the Sonic, but there are places in the world where the old name still sticks. Ironically, aveo is latin for “desire,” a state of mind surely no Aveo owner has ever experienced. If any of them are still alive, that is. The Aveo (station wagon) is responsible for 58 deaths in a million, with 58 of those being part of a multiple vehicle car crash. Interestingly enough, there are zero reported single vehicle car crashes for the Aveo, along with zero instances of rollovers. Apparently people are seized by such disgust (or desire?) that they just have to run into the Aveo when they see it.
13. Chevrolet Suburban
Ah, the first A-lister on the list. The Suburban, famous for proclaiming to the world that your insecurities carried over into adulthood, has forever lived up to its name, often finding itself littered with family stickers and those obnoxious honors student bumper stickers. It’s also quite notorious for being expensive, with an MSRP of roughly $50,000. Luckily, that means the drivers probably have great health insurance. Let’s hope so, because they’ll need it with Suburbans topping out at around 60 deaths per million, and 31 and 28 deaths per million for multiple and single vehicle accidents, respectively. Rollovers happen at a rate of about 9 per million.
12. Chevrolet HHR
That’s a lot of Chevys in a row. Maybe there’s something to take away from this list after all. In case you’re unfamiliar, the Chevy HHR is the car that looks like it’s going through its own midlife crisis. Inspired by the older designs from the 1940s, the Chevy HHR has been in production since 2005 and ceased in 2011, once again affirming that we really aren’t interested in much that came out of the 40s. It might also be because these ugly little cars are ugly little death machines. At 61 deaths per million, 34 multiple vehicle crashes, and 25 single vehicle crashes, the HHR is probably neck and neck with its 1940s equivalent when it comes to safety. Also, similar to the suburban, it is responsible for nine rollovers in a million.
11. Nissan Cube
Speaking of car designs that no one asked for, the Nissan Cube has been a source of ridicule, oh just about since it first rolled off the production line. To its credit, the Nissan Cube has never once claimed to be anything more than what it is: a freaking cube with wheels. In a world where people routinely use the term “boxy” in a derogatory way, one wonders why they chose to lean into the skid here. It certainly didn’t do them any favors internationally, where the car has been discontinued since 2014, though it’s still going strong in its home country of Japan. At any rate, the Cube has been responsible for 66 deaths (once again, per million) and 38 multiple and 29 single vehicle crashes. There were six roll overs in a million, and if you don’t secretly want to see what that would look like, you’re lying.
10. Ford Focus
Surprised? You shouldn’t be. Everyone and their brother drives a Ford Focus, so it’s only natural that there’s bound to be a few accidents along the way. The Focus, which comes in both a sedan and hatchback variety, is one of “those” cars, where everyone knows someone who drives one. It’s fairly ubiquitous and, as it turns out, also fairly dangerous. The Focus comes out to be around 70 deaths per million, with multiple vehicle accidents at a whopping 55 per million and single vehicle accidents at a comparatively tiny 13 per million. Rollovers occurred at a rate of five per million.
9. Nissan Versa (Hatchback, 4-Door)
Why only the hatchback? Don’t worry; we’ll get back to the Versa later. For now, though, just know that the Nissan Versa’s hatchback edition is relatively dangerous. ‘Relatively’ being the operative word here. Because, apparently, the make of a car has a marked impact in its safety. Who knew? You do, now. Use your newfound information wisely. The Nissan Versa (hatchback) is responsible for 71 deaths per million, making it only a hair scarier than the Focus. Multiple vehicle accidents and single vehicle accidents are about equal, at 37 and 33 respectively. Apparently Versa hatchback owners can’t keep their tires on the road, though, as rollovers occurred at a rate of 20 per million.
8. Honda Civic
We said earlier that the Focus was ubiquitous. But that’s a bold statement when it comes to the Honda Civic. If you’re a human being in the United States after 1972, you have ridden in a Honda Civic. You may not have even realized it, but it has happened. It is the top-selling car in the United States and Canada, with 7.3 million being sold in the former. That’s a lot of damn Civics. Luckily, they’re small so they aren’t taking up too much room. Unfortunately, they’re also apparently marvellously dangerous, coming in at 76 deaths per million. Which means that, of the 7.3 million bought, around 550 of them have resulted in deaths. Would you take those chances on anything else? Multiple vehicle crashes in the Civic come out to 46 and single vehicle crashes come out to 29. Rollovers occurred at a rate of ten per million.
7. Chevrolet Silverado
We’re back to Chevy. Apparently Chevrolet was missing the spotlight, so they’ve provided us with the Chevrolet Silverado. Also known as the “oh, so you couldn’t afford an F-150,” the Chevy Silverado is about as overtly masculine as you can get. Its giant front bumper makes it look like a transformer on his down time. The Silverado is ideal for towing heavy shit, with a towing capacity of anywhere from 5,500 to almost 10,000 pounds. Wow! You can carry all of that stuff while all sorts of different cars plow into you. The Silverado has a death rate of 79 per million, a multiple vehicle accident rate of 40 per million and a single vehicle accident rate of 36 per million. Rollovers occurred at a rate of 17 per million, which considering how heavy the Silverado is, is sort of terrifying.
6. Chevrolet Camaro
Are you beginning to sense a pattern here? Maybe really think about things before you walk on to the Chevy dealership. Anyways, the Chevy Camaro: the douchebag calling card. Technically a sports car, the Camaro is like the poor man’s Mustang. Except instead of costing less money, it actually costs more. One can only wonder why. Seeing a car like the Camaro this far up the list can’t be all that surprising, especially considering the typical patron for this sort of thing. Bad news for all those Camaro-heads: it has a death rate of 80 per million and a single vehicle accident rate of 60 (!) per million. That’s in contrast to a multiple vehicle accident rate of 19 per million, meaning that people who drive Camaros are, more often than not, self-destructive. Surprise, surprise. The rollover rate is, predictably, 25 per million.
5. Hyundai Accent (2-Door)
The Hyundai Accent. The Hyundai Accent of Hyundai Accents. Who the hell drives a Hyundai Accent? Maybe you do. Maybe not for much longer, though. Data shows that the accent, namely its 2-door variation, has been responsible for 86 deaths per million. Accounting for the population of the United States (which we’ll list here as 300 million), that comes out to around roughly 25,000 deaths. Wrap your head around that for a minute. But not for too long, because the single vehicle crash rate for the Accent is 48 per million, a slightly larger number than the 43 per million multiple vehicle crash rate. Rollovers occurred at a rate of 20 per million.
4. Chevrolet Aveo (4-Door)
Feeling a bit of déjà vu? That’s because the Chevy Aveo has already been listed (and rightly mocked) elsewhere in this article. That means that not only is the Aveo ugly, and not only does the Chevrolet Aveo have one of the worst names ever, but the Chevrolet Aveo is also dangerous in every variation. That’s like recalling toys made with lead paint only to find out that literally every single one was made that way, and it was just a product of bad engineering as opposed to a fluke. So, you know, condolences if you own a Chevy Aveo. For many reasons, apparently. The Aveo’s 4-door model has a death rate of 99 per million, making it 13 ahead of the next highest on this list. Additionally, the multiple vehicle accident rate comes out to 65 per million, dwarfing the 31 per million single vehicle crashes, proving once again that people driving Aveos are not the problem so much as the abject hatred experienced by everyone around them. They rollover at a relatively low rate of 10 per million.
3. Hyundai Accent (4-Door)
The Hyundai Accent. Who the hell drives a Hyundai Acc— we did this already, didn’t we? Again with the déjà vu, you must be going crazy. Or maybe Hyundai has. Because, apparently, both the 2-door (earlier mentioned) and the 4-door varieties of the Hyundai Accent are within the top five most dangerous cars on the road. That means that not only can you, statistically speaking, not get into a safe Hyundai Accent, you also reduce your life expectancy just by standing near one. And just listen to these numbers: 120 deaths per million. 65 multiple vehicle crashes per million. 53 single vehicle crashes per million. Getting into a Hyundai Accent is like lathering yourself in oil and sitting atop a lit grill. If it’s any consolation, the rollover rate is pretty average at 16 per million.
2. Nissan Versa (4-Door)
As promised, the other end of the Nissan Versa spectrum of death. The sedan is significantly deadlier than its hatchback counterpart. About twice as deadly, to be precise. In addition, its single vehicle crash rate is just about twice that of the multiple vehicle crash rate. It’s unlikely that people are drag-racing in a Nissan Versa, leading us to believe that people that drive them are just really bad at driving. Or bad at decision making. Which is pretty evident by the fact that they bought a Nissan Versa. Anyways, here are the numbers: 130 per million death rate. A multiple vehicle crash rate of 44 and a single vehicle crash rate of 87. And a rollover rate of 51. Yes, 51. Not 15, 51. Holy crap.
1. Kia Rio
The Kia Rio, a veritable death trap, tops our list. Thankfully, really. Because who really wants to own a Kia Rio? It seems more like an afterthought. Oh, they didn’t have any Hyundai Sonatas for sale? Alright, fine, we’ll get the Kia Rio. Apparently made with a complex solution of light plastics and aluminum foil, the Kia Rio is the deadliest car on the road, responsible for almost 150 deaths per million. That’s insane. If everyone in the United States bought a Kia Rio and drove it, that means that 45,000 people would die. Though it’s more likely that everyone would die, because they’d all be driving Kia Rios. Anywho, here are the statistics, though you should probably just skip them and opt for another car entirely. 149 deaths per million. 96 multiple vehicle crashes. 54 single vehicle crashes. And a paltry 15 rollovers per million.
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