It’s not all about size, or looks, and is usually not about the car you drive. However, sometimes the car you drive can cost you the girl. The good news about owning one of these cars is not being bothered with picking up discarded panties after date night. No worries there! Here are ten cars you don’t want your boyfriend driving.
Now hold on, this isn’t about money. There’s modesty to someone driving a beat up car or weathered truck. Even small, compact cars work for some girls, they show you are sensitive to the environment and may be the same to their needs.
Honorable mention goes to the Yugo. It’s hard to find these around anymore, but I’m sure there are some guys who think it’s cool to own one. These are the same guys who take girls to Star Wars movies on first dates. This ride was never cool and worse, it was a piece of junk. During the “hey day” of the Yugo there was a fifty percent chance your date would end on the side of the road due to a breakdown. No one ever said, “That Yugo was the best purchase ever.”
We’ve got small cars, big cars and just plain ugly cars. Some are cheap and some are expensive. What they all have in common is that no matter what you look like the odds of getting laid decrease if you pull up in one of these rides. Here you are girls, the ten cars you don’t want your boyfriend driving.
10. Geo Metro
It’s okay to be confidant, but this is just plain unnecessary. Guys who drive a Geo could have giant penises and a million dollars in the bank, but that’s the problem. Somewhere along the line a decision was made to buy this tiny car over many other much, much better choices. A girl sees this and knows this probably isn’t the first bad decision you’ve ever made and assume there will be many more. Plus, it’s so small that regardless the size of the girl, she’s going to feel fat. That is not putting her in the mood. Upgrade to at least a compact car, man. Give your giant penis room to breathe!
9. Volkswagen New Beetle
The only way it is acceptable to own one of these cars is if you are a collector of classic slug bugs (at least five). Maybe, just maybe you can pull this off. For everyone else, get a normal car or something else, anything else. Oh, and if you think you are impressing the girl by telling her it has a Porsche engine, forget it. Just buy the Porsche. If your idea of a good time is driving your girl around in a Volkswagen Beetle you might as well punch her in the arm each time you pass a reflective window.
8. Chrysler PT Cruiser
Do you work for Enterprise car rental company? If so it’s okay once in a while to take out the PT Cruiser. (Note: Once in a while is once a year or less.) There’s no problem standing out with your car, but not in the PT Cruiser way. There’s a reason why this is the official car of rental agencies – no one else wanted them! “But look at all the room and hey, it’s like ZZ Top and…” Stop it. The dudes from ZZ Top sing about getting laid and drive the real deal cars. They get laid, you will not with your Enterprise rental.
7. Hummer H2
Guys that drive the Hummer H2 scream a lot of things. It screams that the guy is insecure and probably has a small penis. Obviously a guy is trying to prove a point and is probably juicing and experiences bouts of “roid rage” at least once a week. Great guy I’m sure, just the type of guy you want to be stuck inside of a military vehicle with. There is zero reason to own one of these monstrosities in this day of age and no woman wants to be caught dead in the passenger seat. Warning: If your date does pick you up in a Hummer there is a 50 percent chance you will wind up dead in the passenger seat.
6. Chrysler Sebring Convertible
Once again, do you work for a car rental agency? You might as well wear a shirt that reads HERTZ and Docker pants. All this purchase tells girls is that no matter what you have to drive a convertible, even if the car is a piece of crap. Also, have you tried closing this thing? It never works and there’s nothing worse than having to pull over on the side of the highway because you can’t get the top up. Of course you should just take your time and get it to work; there’s a good chance the convertible top will be the only thing getting up during your date.
5. Old BMW 3 Series
“It’s a BMW, I swear, never mind that it looks like an eighties Chevy Celebrity.” If eighties references don’t turn off a girl, how about the seventies leisure suit blue color? That should do it. Remember guys, girls are smarter than us. If you pull up in a BMW 320xi she already knows your living room consists of a stripper pole next to a pool table. You’re not fooling anyone and there will be hesitation to say the least. Obviously you bought this car because you think it’s important to say you own a BMW. Let’s face it, this isn’t a real BMW and you are not going to be pulling in the ladies with this car.
4. Fiat 500L
Driving a Fiat 500L is like driving a Volkswagen Micro Bus without the irony. It’s an ugly ride that appears as if it could roll over at each turn. There are at least a million cars better than this one. If you drive a Micro Bus you can pull in the hippie girls. Driving a Fiat 500L pulls in other guys that got suckered into buying a Fiat. Date night turns into a group of guys in the basement of a church discussing their faults. “Hi, my name is Jerry and I own a Fiat 500L.” Not cool and not a hot spot for the girls.
3. Honda Element
You wanted a Yukon, but you couldn’t afford it. You should have just bought an Explorer, but you didn’t. Instead you got mesmerized by the commercial that showed the Honda Element climbing a mountain. You know the scene, a guy and girl driving out to the middle of nowhere for a day of hiking and hot tent sex. Did you know commercials lie? They do and what you will find is most girls will be put off when their third consecutive date is a drive into the mountains. No hot tent sex for you. You should have just bought an Explorer.
2. Plymouth Neon
They don’t make these anymore; this was a car made to ensure no panties were ever removed. Full disclaimer: I owned one of these during my twenties. I was single and in my twenties. The shape was strange and the rims looked like soccer balls. Of course I had black because I thought it was a bad-ass looking Plymouth Neon. Obviously I was an idiot. I can say for a fact that no panties were ever left behind. In fact, this car was a repellent that just flat out kept all girls away. Even hookers wouldn’t come to my window.
1. Chevrolet SSR
This one is pretty basic, I mean if you get the Chevrolet SSR in yellow it looks a lot like a banana. Just because you get to say “SSR” after the brand name doesn’t make your car cool and doesn’t impress any woman. I don’t know if the manufacturer was trying to experiment here or what, but they definitely created the “anti-player” mobile. Go with any other color and the vehicle takes on the look of the Oscar Meyer Wiener mobile. If this is still not making sense let me spell it out for you: No panties, no girls and definitely no hot tent sex for you!