Relationships are part of the human experience. Some of the best relationships to get into are romantic ones, those that make two people decide that they want to spend the rest of their lives together. However, despite being the greatest feeling any human being can experience, falling in love is not for the weak or the cowardly; it demands the two people to work at their relationship to keep it alive.
Every normal loving relationship is like a journey, whose beginning is exciting in every way. However, it gets to a point in the journey where all the lovely feelings begin to fade, and the couple has to decide whether they will keep going or call it quits. The mature thing is to understand that there will always be good and bad times in relationships, even between two people who are perfect for each other.
Couples hate fighting, but it seems as if all of them have to go through it at some point. The problem with most fights is that both parties end up losing. Resolving a fight means that, at the end of the day, the relationship comes out stronger and the two people love each other even more. Most people quit along the way, without doing everything they can to resolve an issue, an attitude that they tend to carry into the next relationship.
Here are some of the top fights that lead to breakups, which one do you think should not be part of this list?
15. Fights Because Of Alcohol And Drugs
Numerous couples fight and even break up, because one of the parties in the relationship cannot control his or her indulgence with alcohol and drugs. Alcohol and drugs are some of the worst relationship killers in today’s society, because whoever indulges in them often loses control and turns into someone that the other person does not want to deal with.
The introduction of alcohol and drugs in a relationship and the fights that result from them should not spell the end of it; they are problems that need a solution. If the couple commits to stay together and work through this problem, with the help of a counselor, of course, they are sure to come out of the experience stronger and deeper in love. Chances of sinking into alcohol and drug addiction and even committing suicide are very high after a breakup, but walking the road to recovery with a loved one usually leads to success.
14. Fights Over Money
You must have heard that money is the root of all evil, well that is not right; it’s the love of money that is the root of all evil. A couple needs money, whether it is money for going out, paying the bills, or saving up for an investment, using money wisely, together or otherwise, is a secret to success in any relationship. However, arguments over money sure lead to breakups.
Often both men and women can spend a lot of money on things that do not add value to their relationship, spending selfishly especially in seasons when they are struggling. Arguments over money should never spell the end of a relationship, but a sign that the lovebirds need to check their spending and be more accountable. Coming up with a budget and talking about how to spend money as often as possible will sure turn this into a discussion and not an argument.
13. Fighting The Changes
When two people are attracted to each other physically, very little can happen to prevent them from getting into a relationship, especially if the short encounters they had revealed that they have some serious chemistry. Getting into a relationship or even marrying too soon is never a good thing, because people opt to get out of the relationship, claiming that the other person has changed. In most of these circumstances, the other person has not changed at all; it is just that the two are getting to know each other, knowledge that they would have acquired spending a few more months before committing to anything serious.
Many relationships and marriages end at this point owing to the serious fights that ensue, which should not cause a breakup. The thing to do to save the relationship at this point is to start learning as much as one can about the other person and have an open mind. One will sure discover some amazing things about the other person.
12. Fighting For Romance
Romance is the emotion of excitement and mystery relating to the person you love. Most, if not all relationships begin with a lot of romance, but with time, the mystery and excitement begin to fade out. The problem with most people is that they interpret the fading romance as a sign that the two are not in love anymore, a terrible interpretation of this stage of the relationship. One of the parties in the relationship might claim that the other person is not romantic anymore, and choose to leave. Breaking up is not the solution here.
When the couple gets to this point, each of the parties should deliberately look into ways of bringing back the romance, or start doing the romantic things that they used to do. Here, the two in a relationship should fight for their romance, since winning in this fight will be a win for their relationship and their future.
11. Fights Resulting From Differences In Upbringing
Most of the couples who come together as adults know little about each other’s upbringing, with their only knowledge being the few stories they shared when they were dating. A man and a woman can love each other deeply, but their upbringing can stand between them and prevent them from cultivating a relationship that can only end in death.
Perhaps the man was raised knowing that it is the responsibility of the wife to submit to him, but the woman was raised knowing that in a relationship there are only equals. Also, a woman can grow up knowing that it is the work of the man to provide for every financial need regardless of whether she has her own money or not, yet the man believes in pooling finances together. These two are a very small fraction of the differences that can cause people to fight and even breakup. It is important for every individual in a relationship to realize that there will always be differences, and these differences are what make a relationship adventurous.
10. Fights Resulting From Lies
One of the pillars of any relationship is trust, because without it, a relationship will die a terrible death. People who are in love with each other get into a relationship with blind trust, at least for a period, before one of the parties prove that they are not worthy of it. The fastest way to lose your loved one’s trust is to lie to them, because he or she will eventually find out the truth. Even “white lies” have no room in a loving relationship, because even the most innocent ones will open up a door to more lies until going back to truthfulness becomes a daunting and sometimes an impossible task.
When you discover that your loved one has been lying to you for a while, breaking up is not the only solution, there is still hope for the relationship. Although it takes a lot of time to build trust, it is possible to forgive and start on a path of truthfulness regardless of the stage the relationship is at.
9. Fighting Because Of Your Family And Friends
Your close friends and family members can be the worst critics of the person your heart has fallen for, a situation that happens to so many people around the world. It can be so frustrating for the people you have been close to for so many years to think that you can do better or for them to hate something in the one person that you think is perfect for you.
This is one of the trickiest situations to be in, because there is no easy way out of this. The truth is that your closest friends and family members know you well and have your best interests at heart since they might be seeing something negative in your loved one that you are too blind to see. The only way out of this is for you to find out as much as you can about their fears, and if you still want to continue with the relationship despite their lack of approval, you should fight for it.
8. She/He Humiliates You
You might be in a relationship with the perfect man or woman, but opt to leave them, because their only fault is their ability to humiliate you. Most of the time, the person causing the humiliation does not know that he or she is doing so, even after talking about their behavior repeatedly. This issue of humiliation often affects relationships between lovers of different social standing, since the high-class people are expected to act and behave in a particular way. Therefore, when an outsider comes into the picture, their presence itself might be the cause of the humiliation.
Most people do not even think about how to salvage the relationship, they only think of getting out. Despite killing many relationships, this is not that big of a deal. What is important is whether you are serious about the relationship with your outsider or not, because if you are, then you should join in singing “If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right…”
7. Fighting As A Result Of Jealousy
A jealous boyfriend or girlfriend will make it seem as if the only thing going on in a relationship is constant fighting. However, jealousy in this context is not such a bad thing, because it is a sign that someone is threatening the relationship and there is a huge chance that the other person is not seeing that. When a man hangs out with some of his female friends too often, chances are that his woman will notice it and question him about it and fights might result. At this point, most men think of breaking up, because their women are getting too jealous. This is a dangerous and an unnecessary line of thought.
In this situation, the opinion of the person you love matters. In a love relationship, the other person’s jealousy is always a sign of a problem that needs a solution. Regardless of the reality of the situation, jealousy from a significant other will demand a change in behavior as well as association with whoever is causing the jealousy.
6. Fighting Suffocation
Have you ever noticed that two people in love always want to spend every minute of every day together? This feeling is normal, but it fades away with time. Many men claim that their women are too possessive, wanting to know where they are all the time, what they are doing, and with whom they are doing it with. The constant checking up on them and the desire to spend too much time together is what some men have described to be a suffocating relationship. An attempt to try to get some space will usually result in a fight, fighting that has led to the end of many relationships.
These fights should never lead to a breakup. These fights should only lead to a desire to spending more time together and an understanding that some people put all their energy in a relationship and never intend to suffocate their loved ones.
5. Fighting Because Of Different Goals And Ambition
When two people fall in love, hardly will anything else matter, other than the feelings of infatuation towards each other. However, a time comes when these two have to continue with their lives and focus on other things. When it gets to a point where these two begin to move in different directions, or the goals they once shared have changed, it is highly likely that they will start to fight and eventually end the relationship. For example, if one of the partners changes their political or religious views, views that the other one does not agree with, the fights are sure to start.
As opposed to breaking up, a couple should look into reaching a compromise, where each wants to do what is right and reasonable for the other one. If one or both of them could change and start drifting away from each other, then it is still possible for them to make changes that can draw them together.
4. Fights resulting From Tight Jobs Or Distance
Although these are two separate points, they tend to kill a relationship in the same way. If one or both of the people in love have jobs that take up all their time, it will be as if the two are in a long distance relationship. The time that these two spend apart is not healthy, especially if they work in environments where it is likely for them to develop feelings for their coworkers or to adopt a lifestyle where their significant other is not so significant. Although these two will hardly interact much, chances are that fights will result from the distance and breaking up will be too easy.
A loving relationship is supposed to have the ability to survive long distances and jobs that suck out all the fun and free time. The two lovebirds will have to take drastic steps in favor of their relationship if they want it to survive.
3. Fights Caused By Infidelity
Surprisingly, cheating is not the leading cause of breakups and divorce, but that does not mean that it is welcome in a relationship. What makes cheating one of the worst ways to end a relationship is the feeling of betrayal that results. Whoever is cheated on feels as if whoever they used to refer to as their “one and only” went and stabbed them behind their back, showing no regard for their relationship or even a shred of dignity. Getting into a relationship, especially a marriage, automatically means that both of you are forsaking all others and choosing each other, so when one goes out and cheats, the fights that result are likely to lead to a breakup.
However, as painful as cheating might be, it does not have to lead to a breakup, because many couples have survived it and yours should not be any different. With the help of a counselor, the couple can get back to loving and remaining faithful to each other.
2. Fights That Lead To Or Result From Abuse
Abuse is a broad topic, which can take form of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse among others. Including abuse in this list is controversial, because the worst thing anyone can do for himself or herself is to continue living with an abusive spouse or lover. If an individual physically abuses another one with who they are supposed to be in a love relationship, the abused person should immediately inform the authorities before it becomes even more serious. It is also not healthy to live with someone who repeatedly abuses you verbally and emotionally, because such will be the end of you, if not the end of the relationship.
However, as is the case with most of the other fights here, those related to abuse should not necessarily signal the end of a relationship, but it should call for an immediate separation. A sane person does not become abusive overnight; something has to have caused the change, and the elimination of the factors that caused them to change might return the person to their normal sweet selves.
1. Communication Problems
Poor communication is the number one reason couples fight and the leading cause of breakups, regardless of whether the two are married or otherwise. Have you heard the story of the tower of Babel in the Bible? The builders of what would become the greatest tower that would reach heaven had to abandon their construction, because they could not understand each other. This case is true even in a relationship, where two people can be using the same language when talking, but seem not to understand each other. Most of the time the lack of understanding can result from friction in the relationship, unresolved conflicts, feelings of betrayal, or any other issue.
This being the leading cause of breakups requires assistance from professionals, who will help the couple to resolve the underlying issues in order for them to have an open heart and an open mind whenever they are trying to communicate.
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