Relationships may be wonderful, but they are also definitely hard. Not to mention they are exhausting and they can be devastating when they end.
However, even knowing all of this, we as humans can’t help but continue our quest to find love. Heartbreak after heartbreak, fight after fight, we still just want human companionship, which is harder to find than you would think.
This is why so many of us find comfort in past relationships. Sleeping with an ex is something many people do not admit to but that a lot of people have done. It is the kind of thing that most people are almost ashamed to admit. Everyone is different, especially when it comes to relationships and everyone heals differently when they are left heartbroken.
It is hard to generalize when it comes to matters of the heart, but we have tried our best to come as close as we could get. At the end of the day, we at TheRichest could not decide if sleeping with an ex-love was a good or a bad thing, so we came up with answers for both and we are going to leave it up to our readers to decide. The following is a list of seven reasons why you should sleep with your ex, followed by eight reasons you should not.
15. Shouldn’t – It Does Not Always Give Closure
Yes, I know that above we stated that it can give closure. However, we also stated that everyone is different and while some may get closure from sleeping with an ex, others may find it just opens up more doors and more emotions.
If you are still in love with an ex, sleeping with them is only going to make you feel more for them and secretly you are hoping it will do the same for them. You should make sure that you and your ex-partner are on the same page with how you think sleeping together will impact your feelings going forward. Sleeping with an ex only gives you closure when it is seen as a “last dance”, not as a continuation of what you both once shared.
14. Should – It’s Familiar
There is something both comforting and familiar about sleeping with an ex that we at TheRichest can’t deny. Sleeping with someone new can always be awkward and a little uncomfortable, and is not always “good”. However, when you sleep with someone you have slept with many times before you know what to expect. You know everything from the way they smell to what their bed feels like, you know more or less what you are getting yourself into.
Sleeping with someone unfamiliar can often leave a lot of people feeling uneasy. Although not everyone will agree with sleeping with an ex, this is one of the reasons why we think it is not such a bad thing. This depends on the person and the relationship but all in all, there are worse situations a person can be put into.
13. Shouldn’t – It Gets Weird
After the deed is done, most of the time there are a couple minutes (if not days) of awkward behavior. Both members involved usually feel a little out of place and are not sure what to do next. There is a mixture of thoughts and emotions that tend to take a little time to digest.
Not only do you not know how you feel about what happened, you are thinking about what is on the other person’s mind, which is the worst. Trying to understand what someone else is thinking is without a doubt one of the most maddening things you could do to yourself. Our advice is for you to not think about what is going on in their head and focus on how you feel about the situation.
12. Should – They Know What You Like
Sleeping with someone new almost always takes some time to get good. Sometimes it is amazing right off the bat, which is great, however, not every relationship or sexual encounter is mind blowing.
Everyone is different and everyone enjoys different things in the bedroom, which is something you learn about your partner throughout the evolution of your relationship.
When you sleep with your ex, it is almost like no time has passed because they know exactly what to do and where to touch you in order to trigger your arousal points. When you sleep with someone who you used to date, you also know what they like and we at TheRichest hate to admit it but sometimes sex with an ex is the best you will ever have.
11. Shouldn’t – Someone Ends Up Getting Hurt
This is the biggest risk you take when sleeping with an ex. Ending a relationship hurts enough but re-opening the wound sometimes hurts even more. Not many people actually enjoy hurting someone or walking around with a broken heart, so if you know that sleeping with an ex is going to do one of those two things, chances are you probably should not do it.
It becomes even worse if the person does not even realize that doing the deed will open healed wounds and the situation ends up turning into an emotion overload.
If you are going to sleep with an ex, a lot of the time it is better to close yourself off to any emotion, however, we also know that is easier said than done.
10. Should – It is Comforting
As sick and twisted as it may sound, there is something comforting about sleeping with and being held by an ex. Relationships end for all kinds of reasons, but a lot of the time, relationships do not end because there is no more love. When it is a deep, true love, those feelings, on some level always remain.
There is also the obvious attraction which brought the two of you together in the first place which lingers forever. So, by acting on these natural impulses it often releases a certain comfort within both your body and soul and releases something within you that creates a level of comfort.
9. Shouldn’t – It Can Complicate The Friendship
It is rare, but it happens that you remain friends with an ex. Being friends with an ex can often be the best friendships you will ever have because the two of you have connected on so many levels other than friendship. As a result, ex-partners that become friends have the ability to understand you better than most of your other friends.
However, the reality is that there is still an attraction there. But while you cannot deny that there is still some sort of chemistry, if you open that door once the two of you had decided to close it, it can risk ruining the genuine friendship the two of you shared. At the end of the day, true friendship is hard to find and a lot of the time sex is not worth risking the loss of that connection.
8. Should – It’s Fun
Let’s face it, sometimes you just need to do something for the fun of it and a lot of times this is the best reason to sleep with an ex. After relationships end, it is normal to remember the good times and all the fun the two of you once shared and to have the urge to re-live that for one night.
Exes are complicated but, if you and your ex can put the past aside and just live in the moment you can find yourself having one of the best nights ever.
A lot of people tend to over-think, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. Although this is not a completely horrible thing, it also has the power of holding you back from expressing feelings and enjoying yourself.
7. Shouldn’t – It Makes You Think of The Past
This is not the worst thing, but for many people, it can cause a lot of inner friction. Living in the past is something that a lot of people dwell on and by backtracking your emotional progress it can do more harm than good.
There is a difference between taking a walk down memory lane and deciding to live there permanently. What is in the past is there for a reason, even if a lot of the time for us humans it is hard to accept. People do not want to feel heartbreak so they tend to stay in a moment that is no longer there. By doing this you may think you are protecting yourself, but you are doing the complete opposite.
6. Should – It Is a Way of Getting Closure
It may not be the best way of doing it but sleeping with an ex is proven to be a very effective way of getting closure after a breakup. This is only true when you go into it with the mentality that it is the last time you will ever sleep with each other, no expectations, no feelings, just physical intimacy.
Love is complicated, which makes relationships complicated and there is no textbook way of getting closure. To properly receive the closure you need, you need to understand it is personal and that each individual closes a door when they feel they are ready. For some, it takes only days while others it takes years.
5. Shouldn’t – Gives You Hope For The Future
This is probably one of the worst things that can happen when sleeping with an ex. Expecting things to come out of it and then it not happening is a horrible feeling that we do not want anyone to go through. Expectations often are the leading cause of emotional distress. If we can give all of our readers one piece of advice it would be to never expect anything from anyone.
William Shakespeare was the man that said “Expectations are the root of all heartaches” and we at TheRichest could not agree with him more. If you are going to sleep with an ex, remind yourself that it is just physical, do not leave and start planning a trip and telling your friends you are back together because that is often not how this story ends.
4. Should – It is a Way of Saying I Miss You
Sometimes saying how you feel is hard. To admit that you miss someone and that you miss what the two of you had is something that is not often said or easily admitted. A lot of us let our ego get in the way of telling someone how we really feel.
By sleeping with someone you once had so much love for, it is almost as if you are telling them you missed them without having to say the words. Just because someone misses you, does not mean they want to be with you. Relationships as we have said so many times before are complicated and love, attraction and fear are all part of that complication. Missing someone is normal and wanting to show that to them is not a bad thing.
3. Shouldn’t – You Realize it is Over
Believe it or not, but sometimes sleeping with an ex and feeling how different it is can be what makes you realize that the relationship is really over. When you are dating someone, there is a certain feeling you get when you sleep with someone, the way they look at you, the way they touch you, which often ends when the relationship is over.
A lot of people will walk away from sleeping with an ex and feel an emptiness because they will realize, for the first time that things will never be how they once were. Although this could be a good thing because it can help you heal, it can also cause a certain pain that you didn’t expect to feel.
2. Should – You Do Not Raise Your Number
This one is more directed to the ladies than the men. A lot of women have this weird thing about raising their number, for those of you who do not understand what that means it is adding another person to the list of men they have already slept with. A lot of times, women do not want to raise their number in fear of feeling or looking promiscuous. This is a double standard that society has inflicted upon us and that sadly many women abide by. You should be able to sleep with whoever makes you feel comfortable and not worry about anyone judging you.
1. Shouldn’t – They Are Still The Same Douchebag
Regardless of how much time has passed, one of the biggest lessons you will learn by sleeping with an ex is that they are still the same asshole that you ended your relationship with. Sleeping with them will bring back some good memories but it will also bring back a lot of the bad ones.
Chances are you will not feel good leaving after doing sleeping with an ex once you realize that they still do not care about you, especially if you still care for them. However, like we have said countless times throughout this article, everyone is different and so are their experiences. Some people have amazing former partners who they take for granted, while others have former flames we put on pedestals for no reason.
A lot of the time sleeping with someone who broke your heart will just take you back to all the crappy things they did to you when you were together, and trust us when we say that probably isn’t how you want to feel!