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20 Toys That Need To Be Banned From Existence

High Life
20 Toys That Need To Be Banned From Existence

We’ve all been a kid at one point in our lives and we’re all different kids at that. No two kids are the same but there are a few qualities that kids share with each other. One is that kids love toys. All kids LOVE toys. Who remembers going out on the street with our friends to brag about our latest haul from the toy store?

Back in the day, toys were simple. Action figures with an array of accessories and features. Board games with crazy mechanics that will keep the laughs going for hours on end. Remote control cars that zip and move faster than our feet. Those were the days.

Since the market is already filled with an amazing line of toys to choose from, it’s getting harder and harder to stand out each day. Manufacturers and toy makers do their best to make sure that their products are well-loved by kids but this is not as easy as it sounds.

Toy makers who try too hard to get the attention of kids end up making some of the weirdest toys and believe us, these toys aren’t worth spending a dime on. Here are 20 of the weirdest toys kids shouldn’t have.

20. Titanic Inflatable Slide

Not all toys have to fit in our hands to be fun. Some toys are “Titanic” in size. Another fun kind of toy parents should really look into for their kids are inflatable slides. Aside from being over-the-top fun, inflatable slides somewhat help kids get in shape because they have to climb up it first. It’s not easy getting an inflatable slide though as you’ll need to have a huge backyard and a lot of patience for noisy kids if you want one.

Like most toys, inflatable slides come in all shapes and sizes. Not all come in good taste though. This one, for example, is a replica of the Titanic… when it was sinking. While the idea is clever, it’s still done in bad taste as we’re sure the actual people on the actual sinking Titanic weren’t having fun back then.

19. Barack Obama Action Figure

The 44th President of the United States; Barack Obama has been the subject of many quips and jokes but none went as far as one toy from Japan. If your kids ever wondered what it’s like to play with President Obama then this toy is the one to suit his taste. This Barack Obama action figure comes with a ton of fun extras including extra interchangeable heads, and an assortment of weapons that kids are free to customize the former president with.

While it’s obviously a toy made for laughs, we can’t help but think about how weird it would be to see our kids playing with the former president. There are better action figures out there anyways so skip this one.

18. Shave The Baby Doll

In recent years, there have been quite a few baby dolls that give kids the chance to loosely simulate what it’s like to take care of a baby. Remember Baby Alive? That neat toy gave kids the chance to take care of a baby… that poops! It’s an amazing endeavor and as disgusting as the toy looked, we have to admit that it really is a neat way of teaching kids to take care of their future baby brothers and sisters. Not all baby dolls are good though.

One toy manufacturer in Japan made a toy called Shave The Baby. True to its name, the toy will allow kids to shave an oddly hairy baby. The doll has hair on the armpits, calfs, head, and body. This baby toy is hairier than an adult.

17. Sense Of Right Alliance

Now, with both DC and Marvel taking a more aggressive approach to making superheroes popular, kids are more than likely to be more enthusiastic in getting toys based off of Iron Man, Thor, Superman, Batman, and more. With the market for superhero action figures being more competitive than ever, you can bet that there are a few toy manufacturers who try to add a twist of their own.

Introducing the Sense of Right Alliance, this ragtag superhero group consists of a car from Cars, a yellow Power Ranger, Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, and the most unlikely character of all, Shrek. While there’s nothing exactly wrong with this weird toy, never buy it for your kid unless you want them to be the laughing stock of their whole school.

16. Playmobil Safe Cracker Set

Playmobil is a popular toy line from by the  Brandstätter Group in Germany. This toy line allows kids to collect an array of mini figurines of people in an array of situations. The line includes sets for policemen, nurses, doctors, and many other professions. It’s a fun line to collect but it seems like the manufacturer ran out of ideas at one point because they introduced a safe cracker set.

The Playmobil Safe Cracker Set is what you think it is. A set of mini figures that center around robbers cracking open a safe. As to why an established brand such as Playmobil such a thing, we don’t know. All we do know is that it’s one of the weirdest Playmobil sets out there.

15. Sew Able Doll

With dozens of toy makers making dolls each year, it’s hard to compete in such a competitive market. Doll makers do their best to make their products stand out from the rest but honestly speaking, that’s not such an easy task. One doll maker pulled it off though and the result is a pretty morbid and grotesque doll. The Sew Able Doll, true to its name, is a doll that can be sewn back together. Basically, the doll is an amputee and kids can sow legs or arms to the dolls. We get what they’re trying to do, but the idea of limbs being sewn on and off a doll is just a bit much.

14. Miniature McDonald’s

As early as possible, it’s best to keep our kids on track for the career that they want in the future. Giving kids toys that can help them see what job they want to tackle as adults are going to be of big help and it’s a good investment as well. There are a ton of job-based toys out there and all parents need to do is choose what jobs their kids want to try out. One toy manufacturer decided to give kids the chance to be a worker at a McDonald’s.

This miniature McDonald’s set comes complete with a cash register and a grill. Perfect for kids who want to grow up working at the acclaimed fast food chain.Don’t get us wrong, there’s nothing horrible about working at a McDonald’s but as much as possible, it’s best for kids to have a high goal in life as soon as possible. Money earned the clean way, is good money.

13. Dora Aquapet

Dora The Explorer is one of the easiest franchises to recognize for kids. Dora’s been around to help generations upon generations of kids to learn about the basic things in life. It’s no surprise that toy makers love to use Dora and her pals as key characters in their toy lines. A good franchise doesn’t necessarily mean a good toy line though.

Most of Dora The Explorer based toys are innocent and simple. That can’t be said for the Dora Aquapet though. It doesn’t take a minute for adults to see that the Dora Aquapet is shaped like a sex toy. While the manufacturers might not have intended the Dora Aquapet to look that way, one of them should’ve at least gave the toy a second glimpse before pushing out the production line, right?

12. Jar Jar Binks Tongue Candy

Candy, snacks, and toys just go well together. Some candy makers use toys to make their products more appealing. We all know Pez, right? Not only is the candy irresistible, the packaging itself is just worth running over to the store for. Not all candy makers are as clever as Pez though.

Those who’ve watched Star Wars 1 to 3 are probably all too familiar with who Jar Jar Binks is. He’s perhaps the most annoying character in the franchise and only fools make him their favorite character. Using Jar Jar Binks as a center of a product is already a bad idea but the makers of this Jar Jar Binks Tongue Candy somehow made it worst. Jar Jar’s tongue serves as the candy so basically, kids are going to be licking Jar Jar’s tongue with this toy.

11. Pregnant Midge

When it comes to lines of toys, none can be more popular than Barbie. With a history that dates back to 1959, you can bet that this gal and his friends have had quite the number of releases throughout the years. We’ve seen Barbie and her pals in an array of situations including ones where she’s a Disney Princess and even some, she’s an athlete. Out of all these Barbie versions, none is more controversial than the Pregnant Midge.

Understandably, the doll had controversy before it even hit the shelves. While we get that the makers are trying to teach kids about the magic of parenthood, giving young girls a pregnant Barbie doll is just a little too much to bear.

10. Roadkill Cat

Kids and pets go hand in hand like bread and butter. Kids would spend countless hours with their cat or dog companion fooling around. For kids, one of the worst parts of being a pet owner is having to see their fur friend go. There are peaceful ways a pet could go but one of the worst ways is to see them become roadkill. Apparently, some toy manufacturers didn’t get the memo about not scarring kids for life because they made a Roadkill Cat toy.

This little piece of plastic and rubber is graphic and has the makings to be in a Quentin Tarantino film. It comes complete with tire tracks on the cat’s body, guts on the side and a blank and horrified face on the cat. There are other roadkill cat toys in the market but none as dark as this. Who would make such a thing?

9. Kong-Suni

If executed properly, dolls are wondrous toys. Take a look at Baby Alive for example. The simple concept can teach kids the concept of pooping but with the market already filled to the brim with unique ideas, manufacturers and toy makers have to resort to the craziest innovations to make their dolls worth the buy. In Japan, there are quite a few dolls that get released every year and among them, there’s always one that manages to get attention for all the wrong reasons.

The Kong-Suni doll from Japan may look like a simple toy at first but don’t let the innocent doll’s face fool you. Kong-Suni’s special trick is that it can fart! Even weirder, Kong-Suni has her own animated series watchable online. It’s basically a show about her farting.

8. Kaba Kick

Ever heard of Russian Roulette? It’s a game of spin the bottle but lives and not kisses are on the line. Oh, and a gun with a bullet is used instead of a bottle. Some guys might wonder what the thrill is like to play Russian Roulette but a toy manufacturer from Japan made simulating the game less deadly. Introducing the Kaba Kick; it’s basically Russian Roulette without the chance of death.

The game really is played like Russian Roulette. It’s a fun game for adults but the toy is marketed to a younger audience. The thought of marketing a Russian Roulette simulator to our children just doesn’t feel so right.

7. Erwin The Surgery Doll

Dolls are the most common form of toys and the market is filled to the brim with dolls. Dolls come in an array of shapes, sizes, colors, and purposes. Some dolls are made solely for fun. Some dolls are made to keep kids calm and brave at night. Some dolls are made for educational purposes. As good and neat as that sounds, toys, and education don’t always go hand in hand. Take a look at Erwin the Surgery Doll for example.

At first glance, Erwin looks like a poorly made doll with a face that has seen horrors. There’s more than meets the eye for the doll though. Once kids lift the shirt of Erwin, they’ll be greeted by everything that’s inside the human body. From intestines to heart, Erwin’s not afraid to flaunt it all.

6. Yume Neko Venus

At one point in their lives, kids are bound to ask their parents about getting a pet dog or cat. For men and women who aren’t too keen on the idea of having a pet at home, it feels hard and cold to turn down the innocent request of the child who’s only looking for a companion. Lucky for parents, there’s an array of robotic pets out in the market that could satisfy kids for a short while. They should just make sure they don’t grab the Yume Neko Venus from Japan though.

As far as interactivity goes, the Yume Neko Venus beats most virtual toys out on the market. What makes the Yume Neko Venus so creepy though is the way the cats move. Sure, the cat interacting with physical contact is pretty neat but we’d rather pet a rock than see that robotic cat move.

5. Parapluesch

Plush toys are the most common form of toys and as kids, we’ve probably had that one special plush that kept us happy at night. Plush toys come in an array of forms but most of the time, they are cute and lovable animals. A German toymaker took things to a different level by introducing Parapluesch or Paraplush. While the plush toys may look plain, cute and simple, the characters of Parapluesch are actually animals who are suffering from mental illnesses.

The goal of the plushies might be to teach kids about mental illnesses but there is such a thing as too young for the topic. The Paraplush characters include Dub the turtle who suffers from depression, Sly the snake who has hallucinations, and Kroko the crocodile who has paranoia.

4. Gun O’Clock

Not all toys are made strictly for fun only. Some toys help our kids in an array of tasks including studying, getting fit, and even walking up. Alarm clocks are the bane of every kid who doesn’t want to go to school and that’s why the manufacturers do their best to stand out from the rest and make kids more comfortable with the idea of waking up forcibly early in the morning. One manufacturer made the Gun O’Clock which is just a disaster waiting to happen.

What’s different about the Gun O’Clock is that kids will turn off the alarm by shooting a target using a replica gun. We don’t really need to tell why this is a bad idea but just to be safe; this toy is basically training kids to handle a gun accurately. One day they’re holding toy guns, the next they’re holding real ones.

3. Yume-Chan

Japan is the home of many weird toys and manufacturers from the land of the rising sun aren’t too picky with what they want to bring out the production line. One of the weirdest toys the country has produced so far is the Yume-Chan crying doll. It sounds good on paper though. A doll that has the ability to cry. It’s like Baby Alive but minus the pooping feature. What makes this doll so weird is how kids can make the doll itself cry.

To make the doll cry, kids will have to give it a little injection on the shoulder. Basically, the doll is going to cry because of the pain the kid inflicts. This is wrong on so many levels but it all boils down to the fact that it’s teaching kids how to inflict so much pain on someone that they have to cry.

2. Facebank

Toy makers are sneaky guys. Some of the toys they create come in the disguise of common items that kids aren’t usually interested in. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though as we can give kids these things without them having to complain. Piggy banks, for instance, help kids save up money even if for a little bit. Piggy banks have come in an array of shapes and sizes but none can compare to the Facebank.

This battery powered mini bank is already creepy enough to look at. However, once kids place a coin on the mouth of the Facebank, it’ll begin munching down on the coin VERY SLOWLY. It’s a stuff of nightmares and we’re sure kids won’t like to have this in their bedrooms.

1. Tuttuki Bako Digital Pet

Digital pets are one of the best forms of toys for kids. It’s interactive, cool, and very fun to have. It’s also quite addicting as well. The earliest form of digital pets was with the Tamagotchi line of toys. We all remember the joy of feeding out virtual pets from the small buttons. And of course, who could forget the agony and anguish we got whenever our pet died? Not all digital pet toys are nice though as Japan toy makers take interactivity to a whole new level.

The Tuttuki Bako toy from Japan allows players to take care of their pets. The difference with this toy though is that instead of buttons, kids will be able to interact with the pet using a small hole. In this hole, kids will poke around their pets to play an array of mini-games. Teaching kids to poke their fingers through holes doesn’t exactly sound too good.

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