It’s probably no secret that the world is very quickly spiralling down the toilet. Climate change, Donald Trump, safe spaces, trigger warnings, racism, bigotry, planking, John Cena, Ed Sheeran…so many things that are laying waste to the world we know and love.
Where can humanity’s place possibly be, other than in a very brief chapter of the history of the universe? That’s a good question, and one that certainly won’t be answered here. Because this article isn’t about where we’ll be in the future (if anywhere), or how to deal with the issues we have. Oh no…
This article is all about those very things that make one face-palm on a daily basis; question the very fate of humanity. Here are 19 photos and videos that will have readers asking themselves: “How the hell can we make it through?”
19. This Is Real!?
Only in America. In 2015, two Brazilian men were taking photos and video, and they happened to be in front of an airplane…and this apparently warranted a middle-aged, white, racist woman pulling over on the side of the road, to berate these two guys for being terrorists, fags, pedophiles, and much more. The sad part about this? All of it, really, but especially the fact that this is a real video and that the woman is no actor…wow.
If ever people wondered how Trump’s racism and bigotry did not manage to keep him out of the white house: this woman is the perfect example as to how. Of course this isn’t to say that this woman represents all Americans. In fact, the two men who she was going spastic over, were both American, and one of them served in the United States Air Force. So he was more of a patriot than this Jesus-loving, Heaven-bound, bigoted b*tch could ever be. But seriously…if anyone has ever seen someone from Brazil, and then someone from the Middle East (where she assumed both men came from), it is actually easy to tell them apart. But ignorant and abhorrently stupid people like this woman are very quickly taking a strangle hold on the fate of humanity.
18. Hold A Bevie With Your Breasts
Yup. Humanity’s greatest accomplishment? Women who can hold a Coke can or bottle between their breasts. Some even hold Rockstar tallboy cans or even wine bottles! This whole challenge was started under the pretense of raising funds for breast cancer research. So, very much like the ALS challenge, plenty of people went to work for the good of humankind. However, it turns out that this was all one big hoax. Which means that most of the people who posted videos of them doing the challenge happened to be completely duped. The whole thing was started by a scuzzy talent scout and a “model” who wanted nothing more than to make fun of actual fundraisers like the “Ice Bucket Challenge”…and surely they wanted to get their rocks off a bit on the naive, but philanthropic people all over the internet. This is how far humanity has stooped. Not only are people horrible enough to make a fake challenge for a fake fundraiser, but people are enough like lemmings that they will follow the internet community right off that cliff and into some softcore…
17. Safe Spaces
Ok. Safe spaces. Where to begin? Safe spaces are meant as places one can go to be free from negativity. There might be a pretty puppy to pet in these spaces, to calm people down and ease their anxiety. There might just be some nice, calming music, and some reading material. Perhaps just a room with some nice furniture for comfort and peace. Why? Because there are those who want to try and create an alternate reality that exists in only certain rooms on campuses across North America.
What is so dangerous about the idea of safe spaces? Why face palm? Because reality outside of school and safe spaces doesn’t treat people like porcelain dolls. If students are taught that always being safe is a normal thing…what would one do if one’s barista at Starbucks had to stop suddenly and go sit in the back, in the middle of making one’s coffee, because they felt threatened by the conversation, or overwhelmed by the stress? This author dares suggest that one would be pissed (and that would just make things even worse!). Students are being taught that they will have their hands held their entire lives. Some people might just need to grow up though. As Sinatra once said: “That’s life.”
16. Pulling The Trigger On Warnings
Alright, so coming straight off the coattails of safe spaces, is the controversial idea of trigger warnings. Just so people know ahead: this entry will contain some disdain for trigger warnings. Now, this goes along with the whole idea of raising a generation that is used to hand holding all through life. This is something that just cannot happen in order for our species to survive. At a certain point, those who did the hand holding will be dead, and then what? Then people will be unable to instruct the new generation properly, as they will be unsure of how to do so (or rather they will instruct, but in an overbearingly sensitive, secure, and unrealistic way).
The idea of putting a warning like “This article contains explicit content” does already, to some extent, exist. Advisory warnings are commonplace. Unfortunately, the so-called “Blog-o-sphere” is winning the battle on how trigger warnings should be used, and who really wants to grab the morning paper and read an advisory warning before every article about war, or terrorism, or crime, or children, or puppies? …hopefully this didn’t trigger any readers.
15. Sheeran Gets Bieber Fever
Once upon a time, Ed Sheeran used to write and perform very heartfelt, deep (to some extent), and meaningful songs. But now, it seems he has gone the way of every other group who followed in Justin Bieber‘s footsteps, and is set on turning his brand into some mix of pop, trance, and party music. Sure, it’s entirely possible that Sheeran just wanted a change in pace, or really felt this specific song, and thusly wrote it…but one is inclined to think he wanted an excuse to bare his chest, show himself off, and have a song the girls will want to grind to all night. Who knows? Maybe it’s the tamest version of what happens to someone when suddenly they’re making a ton of money in the industry…instead of ripping drugs, speeding Lambos, and abandoning monkeys in Germany, they just add to the ridiculous wealth of dance music no one really wants to listen to unless they’re in the club. And even then, all that’s needed there is a beat, because everyone is too engaged in their varying degrees of mating ritual. If this is the way music continues to go…there’s good reason to question the fate of humanity.
14. Cleaning Up The White Trash
This woman is simply unbelievable. Not sure what it is about rather heavy, middle-aged, white, American women, and their tempers, but…wow. Apparently she had an emergency that wasn’t very important, as the garbage truck driver who is filming, takes the brunt of her rage. Pulling out into the way of a massive truck that cannot stop on a dime, the woman’s vehicle was hit. Her “emergency” is mentioned many times, but she does nothing to go and sort that out. She simply walks in circles in front of the truck (at one point acting like a chicken), and yells herself hoarse about how the garbage man did not even take all of her trash. Given that there’s a limit that the worker was more than aware of, he left what wasn’t called for to be picked up. Entirely reasonable. However, this white trash woman has no time for reason and simply threatens his job, and tries to tell him how stupid he is…while she looks like a complete maniac. Perhaps her emergency was getting to the pharmacy in time to grab her anti-psychotics?
13. Do Dogs Even Have Brains?
First and foremost…yes…dogs have brains. My goodness, they have brains! It is altogether depressing to know that not only do people make videos as dense as this, but that people fall into the trap of getting outraged; thinking that this is actually what someone thinks. Surely this lingerie model, this outed homosexual (who so loves Jesus); this world’s fastest talker (seriously) could not possibly believe her own stupid rant. Surely she only seeks to use ridiculous titles and her heaving bosom to attract views, and make some relatively steady money alongside her modelling and extra work.
Thankfully she did admit that she was simply creating trolling videos. However, she is realistically thick enough to think that people who watch her videos will want to kill her for what she says (particularly what she has to say about homosexuals and Jewish people). In her own defense…“I love gays and wish I was Jewish – I LOVE Jew guys. But the videos are just trolling! That’s what I’m saying.” So maybe she is a few oranges shy of a grove.
12. One Hundred Layers Of…
There was once a challenge, sensibly called the “Hundred Layers Challenge” which inspired a whole slew of absurd videos. The challenge, in theory, is simple: put one hundred layers of something on yourself. In practise, however…not quite so easy. From hot wax, to duct tape, and from makeup, to clothing, to glue, there are some ridiculous layers of things put on people. And this is what passes for entertainment these days, because there is clearly nothing better to do, day to day.
Perhaps the most reviled entry into the challenge was from Trish Paytas, whose video featured her wearing one hundred layers of “cum”… no, not seriously, but this is what her video was titled. In actuality, she took Spunk: a product made to simulate semen (for whatever reason), and plastered one hundred layers on her face — most of which ended up in her mouth. It received a lot of hate, but one wonders just who was hating it: those who thought it was degrading to women, or those who actually thought she was going to take one hundred loads…
11. Lane Splitting
So, this begins with a motorcyclist and his girlfriend driving between lanes to pass a bus, and the drunken ass of a motorist. The fifty-something-year-old gets out of his car at a red light, where ahead sits the couple on their bike, and immediately bare-knuckle punches the rider in the helmet. If that wasn’t bad enough, after shoving him away, to avoid any further conflict, the old man then shoves the rider’s girlfriend…mistake! So, the rider (who is a would-be police officer), takes the man down, and rests on top of the attacker’s chest. With an unbelievable amount of restraint, the bike rider tries to reason with the man, until police arrive.
It comes out that the fifty-something assaulter had taken about five shots of whisky (or whiskey as they spell it in the U.S. and Ireland). So, dear readers, do be careful when splitting lanes, because one never knows when some road-raging, drunken old guy might pop out of his car for some perceived-to-be justified assault…oh, and it should be mentioned that Jeanne Moos from CNN is also a reason to question the fate of humanity.
10. God Hates F*gs
Ok, so first off, thank goodness that people like Brick Stone have the guts, and the quick wit to take on people like the Westboro Baptist Church. Ultimately these people are a very small, fringe element of extreme, Christian bigotry and ignorance, but their effect on the world is by no means insignificant. A focus group of many documentaries, talk shows, and social experiments, this church is perhaps one of the more popular, but certainly not one of the more dangerous religious groups out there. They’re sort of the clowns of Christianity (or at least the most flashy of them). And just where can people go when there are whole swaths of human beings out there who think that homosexuality is a sin, and a choice? That being said, it’s at least very amusing to watch Stone have at the Phelps family, and their absolutely, mesmerizingly stupid followers (and that’s coming from a writer who just purposefully made up a word to emphasize how stupid they are by comparison). If ever there was a reason to face palm…
One might be thinking “wow this girl is stupid”. But she’s not even the worst of the worst when it comes to what has been called the “planking challenge”. Really it serves no purpose, other than to show off some degree of core strength and stupidity. There are photos of a soldier planking on a bazooka. There are videos of people planking on ladders, and on door frames (and falling into the garbage). But the planking challenge is not all it’s cracked up to be, that’s for sure.
First off, besides smoking her face on the stove, this girl could have ended up crushed by the entire appliance. It’s a good thing she had the wherewithal to turn her body, just before the oven came crashing down beside her. While she may be hurt, it’s nothing compared to the man who thought it was a good idea to plank on a balcony railing…as one can imagine, this did not turn out well. Losing balance, the man fell several storeys to his death. It is supposed that he died instantly, on impact, and this is probably for the better. Surely there is a Darwin Award on the way.
8. “Can’t See Me”
Some people pass this sort of garbage as entertainment. Indeed the organization that pays this man (now the most wealthy wrestler in the company) is called World Wrestling Entertainment. Now sure, John Cena is great with kids, but the whole soap-opera-in-spandex thing is a bit much, especially when one comes out and tries to rap…without a beat…and without skill. It’s painful to watch this, so anyone who is already aware that there is something wrong with humanity for constantly tuning in to watch this guy “wrestle” every week…just don’t bother searching the video. The rhymes are just atrocious, and he often ends a couplet with the same word in each line. I get that women find him to be the pinnacle of manliness, with the right touch of emotion, but this guy is idolized by children and the American military…now that is a cause for worry. Kids shouldn’t be raised to think that they are in fact superheroes who can go around beating their way through anyone who seems to do wrong…and in actuality…neither should the military!
7. This Guy Is On Fire!
So…apparently self-immolation is not just reserved for religious extremists. Nope. It’s also for absolutely stupid people all around the world. Why are they stupid? Because lighting one’s self on fire is just…plain…stupid. It makes one wonder just what goes through someone’s head to make them say: “Hey, you know what? I think I’ll get you guys to tape me lighting myself on fire today.” How does that come across someone’s mind? It’s true that one can take certain hand sanitizers and colognes, put some in the palm of their hand, light it, and it will burn above their hand, or burn quickly enough so as not to actually injure the skin…but please be totally aware: dowsing one’s self in hand sanitizer, and then taking a BBQ lighter to it, will hurt. More than that, it will burn. It might be a surprising outcome to lighting one’s self on fire, but it will burn. So many people have ended up in the emergency room because of this challenge. On the one hand, there will be fewer people to worry about in the future, if this trend keeps up, but on the other hand…Surely, as people, we should care that other people are lighting themselves ablaze.
6. The Finger Family?
First off…what the f*ck is this? Secondly…what the f*ck is this!? If one searches YouTube for the “Finger Family” one will find thousands of videos with basically the same, annoying, ear-worm of a tune, but varying degrees of trippy videos. Just what are these videos meant to do? Well, they are targeted to children, and serve…perhaps several purposes? Some do attempt to teach colours, or animals between refrains of the appalling song, but by and large these are just frightening videos with some strange degree of dance, and lousy cinematography.
Given that YouTube has become the new parental unit of most homes, it must be said that this sort of…whatever this is, is going to be what raises a generation of children…and dare this author predict: a generation of mindless human beings who only know their fingers by definition of the structure of the family. Maybe the song should be helpful in some way like: “middle finger, middle finger, where are you?” Teach the damned kids something for goodness’ sake. “Won’t someone please think of the children!”
5. Climate Change Denier
Alright, so yes, this might be a bit of a stale issue to a lot of people, but truth be told…it is actually serious. Now this author isn’t going to fill readers’ minds with all of the horrors of the world (mainly just the face-palming ones). But there is some degree of palming that needs to be done, just knowing that a video like this seemed to need to be made. Politicians and pseudo-scientists (and a lot of the general public) are so dense as to think that there is no such thing as human-caused climate change. Much like deciding to take evolution out of the school books down South, denying climate change is going to gravely retard humanity in the truest sense of the word. And while all of that is happening, more ridiculous videos like this will pop up. Why? Because there are a great many who see the way the world is going and they can’t really do anything about it. So, like every comedian who ever lived…if they can’t make things right, they’ll at last make things funny, right up until the bitter end.
4. Sorry, America
Now this might be a bit unfair, because let’s be realistic, to quote Bill Maher: “Stupid people are everywhere.” However, it can’t be avoided that, for some reason, people all around the world look at the United States of America with maybe just a touch of disdain. Why is that? Well the above video should give some inkling. Sure, there are some questions that the uninformed citizen really may not know, but for the most part, these questions are pretty damned simple.
So what’s the takeaway from all of this? Are all American’s stupid? Of course not. But there’s a very large, gaping hole into which education has been flung from many parts of not just the U.S., but the entire world. And who knows…maybe people are ok with not knowing how many states are in their own country, or just who the enemy is, or who is running their country…but those all seem to be fairly important for people to understand. It just might give people a better sense of how the world works. But hey, Western Civilization has got one real big thing going for it that allows people to get away with this sort of ignorance…a whole lot of privilege and freedom. So…someone bless America?
3. Playing The Trump Card
Donald J. Trump is somehow the President of the United States. There’s a whole slew of ridiculous statements from this overwhelmingly ridiculous man. Each statement is equal parts face-palm-worthy and downright terrifying. From the “It’s-not-a-Muslim-ban” Muslim ban, to the beautiful wall on the Mexican border, and from grabbing p*ssy, to just being an unconscionable racist, bigot, and outright liar who wants to sleep with his daughter, Donald Trump is certainly not going to be the saviour of the American people, nor of the world.
Sure, he’ll have a better relationship with Putin (maybe), but at what ultimate cost? This is the guy who thinks climate is hardly changing, Obama wasn’t American, and that he is the solution to one of the biggest problems in the world (all falsehoods by the way). But who knows, maybe he’ll inadvertently do some measure of good by way of his crazy speeches and ability to bolster a near riotous crowd. One can never tell…and that’s what makes Trump a cause for wonder about the fate of humanity.
2. Stay Off The Ice!
With Winter finishing up, with its last few cold snaps before the snow melts, one can’t stress enough…stay off the ice! This man, up in Norway, decided to get ripped and then go for a rip on extremely thin ice. The things he does and the amount of damage he may have done to his body is unfathomable. Clearly he has one hell of a tolerance to cold— or just doesn’t notice because he’s tanked. But do trust this point: this is not normal. Normally, when one hits the icy water, a degree of shock will kick in, anywhere from one to three minutes. After pulling one’s self out of the water, one is to then remove the wet clothing, and slowly introduce warmth. Going too quickly could also put one’s body through shock. What one is not to do is just continue skating about. The fact that this man’s muscles did not seize and that he made it out just fine is insane. So why question the fate of humanity here? Well, we could possibly harvest some of this guy’s DNA in order to help create a generation of people who can tolerate cold like him…or we can use him as a face-palm warning to people. But how often do people really listen anyway?
1. Don’t Drink And Video Tape
In the video above, one will find some of the most hilarious and stupidest (mainly the latter) drunken fails of all time. Now this isn’t an entry about how one shouldn’t drink (as the author of this piece takes a sip of wine). No, no. This entry is about how one shouldn’t get “wastey-pants” on camera. Given that almost every part of the civilized world (and a good portion of the uncivilized world) is filled with cameras that are taping at all hours…one really must watch what one does.
Realistically, that goes for a whole lot of the previous videos as well, of really stupid people caught doing, or saying really stupid things. Security cam footage has got to be the worst to be caught on, for sure. Why? Because one doesn’t have control over what the owner of that tape decides to do with it. At least if one is partying and friends take a silly video, one might not be incriminated, or at least not without one’s permission.
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