The world of sugaring is growing each day. It usually involves an older gentleman taking care of a sweet young thing. However, men are starting to realize that this sort of arrangement suits them just fine, and they are looking to get in on the action and find a sugar mama. This happens to coincide with the social acceptance of cougars, so it can be a win-win situation. But since this is new territory, many men don’t know where to begin. It’s hard enough to find a girl to hook-up with, let alone a sugar mama that will turn a working class boy into a kept man.
Lucky for you, we’ve done all the hard research in this article. We sorted through magazine and newspaper articles, blogs, and first person accounts to give you a handy guide on how to navigate the world of sugaring. It will take some finesse, but with these tips you will be well-equipped to find your very own mama in no time at all. And if you are simply in need of some good information on how to date older women in general, we’ve got that covered as well.
15. Frequent Locations Where Older Women Are
Aristotle Onassis said that if you want to meet the rich, you need to go where they go. This billionaire knew what he was talking about. So, if you desire to meet a moneyed woman, then you need to hit the same hotspots that they do. Affluent, older women often attend charity balls and country clubs. Does that sound out of your league? Not so! Tickets to charity events can be affordable, and you can go to a country club on a guest pass or trial membership. If these options aren’t available to you, then try to frequent places that cater to a more mature crowd. For example, hit a wine bistro instead of a dance club; go golfing at an off-time when the links aren’t filled with businessmen; shop at gourmet food stores in high income areas of town.
Bars can be a good place to meet older women, but you have to know where – and when – to go. An older woman is more likely to go to happy hour then be out at 1 a.m. Also, the older crowd tends to frequent the pubs on weekdays, because those are off-nights when the young guns aren’t packing the place. If you just can’t seem to find the right bar, then ask the bartenders or cocktails waitresses if they can recommend one. They often have friends in the business and know of hotspots for varying tastes.
14. Be Knowledgeable
Older women don’t want to feel “old.” The quickest way to make her feel old and out of touch is by not being knowledgeable about things from her generation. Sure, she may be up to date on current issues and trends, but she had a whole life filled with rich experiences before meeting you. If the target of your affections is ten or more years older, then you’d be wise to bone up on what was popular in her heyday. That includes music, movies and historical events. Remember, she wants you for your youth, but she wants to be able to bond with you as well. You don’t want her to make reference to disco, the Iran Contra affair or Casablanca and have no idea what she’s talking about. Just be careful not to make assumptions, though.
13. Navigate The Web
It’s hard enough to meet women in general, let alone one that is a cougar or a sugar mama. That’s where the Internet comes in. There are plenty of avenues on the web to find older women, from free ones like Craigslist to membership sites like Match.com. Explore all your options. But know that niche sites are often recommended. For example, SeekingArrangement.com is a site that many newbies investigate. It boasts that it provides opportunities for sugar mamas, sugar daddies and sugar babies to get in touch. There are even websites dedicated to helping people navigate the world of sugaring. For example, Letstalksugar.com gives advice, provides first person confessions, and has a forum. It is geared more toward women who are sugar babies, but much of the content can easily be reversed to the male gender.
12. Be Youthful
An older woman wants to date a younger man because he is youthful. So act the part! Just remember that it’s more about attitude than anything else. She’s going to want someone active. So make sure you can keep up with her on outings, or in the bedroom. She’s going to want someone who is open minded. So make sure you aren’t a control freak. She’s going to want someone who is healthy. So make sure to avoid hangovers.
Are you confused about how to act young even though you are in our key demographic of 18-35? Here’s some advice. People who are perceived as being youthful show enthusiasm, are up on trends (but aren’t slaves to them) and are flexible. Please remember that older woman aren’t looking to date someone that acts like a perpetual 21 year old on spring break, though. So there’s no need to talk in slang, blast your tunes or have a case race with her.
11. Pick Up The Tab
A sugar mama is generally expected to treat you in the same manner a sugar daddy would treat his sugar baby – but don’t expect a free ride. If she pays for everything all the time, then she will quickly feel used and unappreciated. No one wants to feel like a human cash machine. So be generous and pick up the tab on occasion. You don’t have to break the bank. Paying for cocktails or buying her a bouquet of flowers will go a long way. Remember, it’s the thought that counts.
Also know that if she gives you an allowance, she will be happy to see you spend the money. However, if you want the relationship to continue, then it is savvy to use some of the cash to make her feel comfortable. For example, spring for some nice sheets for when she stays are your place, or upgrade your wardrobe in a fashion that appeals to her.
10. Follow Current Events
Older women often crave intellectual conversation, even if they are with someone young. You don’t want to come across as a slacker or a mimbo. You want to portray an air of sophistication – to some degree. If she wanted a frat guy, those are a dime a dozen. She wants someone youthful, but also astute. A great way to be able to get on her level is to be knowledgeable about current events. So watch some news, pick up a newspaper, or listen to AM radio during your morning commute. Don’t worry about remembering every little detail – just having an awareness about what is going on in the world will go a long way. Chatting about current events is also a fantastic way to bond over common experiences, and can help fill awkward pauses when you may be at a loss on how to connect.
9. Avoid Comments That Make Her Feel Old
No one likes to feel old – especially women that are dating younger men. So it’s wise to avoid statements that make her feel like a geezer. Starting a sentence with, “Back in your day…” or “When you were young…” are major no-nos. Also, talking about things that are only relevant to twenty-somethings can make her feel isolated. She may not be interested in the latest YouTube video, what Evan Spiegel bought recently, or who Kanye West is feuding with this week. Also, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention that many older women have more conservative viewpoints which are at odds with the liberal beliefs that the younger generation has. There’s no need to pretend to be someone you’re not, but you may want to keep the Trump-bashing to a minimum unless she opens the door.
8. Don’t Be Greedy
In a typical sugar mama/sugar baby situation, the mama dotes on her baby. Your woman will likely be generous with you, and pick up the tab at restaurants, foot the bill for vacations, and give you gifts; if you are lucky, she may even give you an allowance. However, you need to remember to do your part. As the “baby,” you need to be responsive to her. That means playing the role she wants you to play. It could be anything from being a shoulder to lean on, to a companion, to providing no strings attached intimacy. So just make sure you don’t just take her money and run.
7. Don’t Be Afraid To Pursue Her
Some people will tell you that you should let a cougar pursue you, because it’s in their nature. That’s a one size fits all piece of advice, so it won’t be right all the time. Many cougars will be assertive in getting a man’s attention, but there are a majority that want to be pursued. When you approach a woman, you are giving her a clear signal that you are into her. An older woman will most likely be flattered if you give her attention. So go ahead and chat her up, show her your personality, compliment her, then go in for the kill.
Of course, you need to be prepared on how to respond to an older woman that is hitting on you. Her tactics might be different from the sorority girls you are used to. Just follow her lead and you’ll be fine. And remember that women of any age respond favorably to a smile and a good listener.
6. Don’t Act Immature
There’s a difference between youthfulness and being immature. No sugar mama wants a true baby to take care of, so don’t think she really wants you to act helpless. You’ll still need be to be responsible; so answer her texts, show up on time to dates, and don’t party like there’s no tomorrow just because the drinks are on the house. That also means cleaning up your own messes – figuratively and literally. And try to keep youthful indiscretions to a minimum. Her definition of “cheating” may be different from yours. Also, her interpretation of how you spend your downtime can come into play. It’s likely that she won’t enjoy watching you play video games or hearing the latest gossip about your bros.
5. Be Supportive Of Her Family
Most cougars or sugar mamas have children. So you will need to be comfortable interacting with her family, or at least hearing about them. There’s a good chance that her children may be close in age to you, so you will need to figure out how to deal with the dynamics. Her children may not want you acting like a big brother to them, or she may want to distance you from her children in case your relationship doesn’t work out. There isn’t a clear cut answer on how to handle the situation, so it is essential to have open communication with her about how she would like you to behave with her family. The important thing is that you send the message to her that you are willing to be respectful of her wishes, and those of her children. If you and her children hate each other, you can kiss the relationship goodbye.
4. Establish Boundaries
If you are about to get into a true sugar mama relationship, expert opinion on both sides will tell you that it is essential to establish boundaries. Only the two of you will know what you want out of things, but most relationships have some common elements. They may include how often you see each other, if the relationship will be exclusive, and what sort of financial transactions may (or may not) be conducted. Just remember that you are each looking to get something out of the relationship, so there needs to be some compromise. A safe bet is to have a trial run in the beginning, and then assess how things are going. She may wish for more communication from you, or you may wish for her to be more adventurous between the sheets. Leaving things open for negotiation will ensure that no one gets in over their head.
3. Connect With Her Friends
Single women often have tight relationships with their girlfriends. Their friends are like a surrogate family. It’s important for your to recognize this, because if her friends don’t like you, then they will eventually turn her against you. So treat her friends with the same respect you give her. Be polite, give them sincere compliments, and ask their opinion on things. Her friends will be her age, so make sure that you don’t make them feel old, either. And remember that even older women tell their friends everything. So know that her friends will hear about it if you two have a fight, if you make a snide remark, or if she perceives you aren’t romantic enough.
2. Be Prepared For Baggage
Older women have lived longer lives, so they tend to come with more baggage. Expect her to be jaded from a divorce, work stress or health woes. She’s probably been through the wringer. What’s important to remember is that while you may not be able to understand her experiences, you should still demonstrate compassion – as you would in any relationship. Many people in a couple just want to feel heard, so bend an ear and offer sympathetic statements. However, you need to have instincts to know when enough is enough. If she’s just looking for a pity party, or is judging you based on her previous bad experiences, then she might not be the one for you. Know your worth. Just because she’s older doesn’t mean she’s wiser, or that she can manipulate you. You need to feel valued as well.
1. Compliment Her
Homer Simpson once said that when it comes to compliments, women are ravenous, bloodthirsty creatures always wanting more-more-more. We’re inclined to agree. Older women may be more insecure, so you might have to up your game. She may think that she isn’t worthy of a young man’s affections, or that she can’t compete with twenty-somethings. So give her what she wants – reassurance. Just make sure that your comments are sincere. Remember to praise her beauty and her body. But also praise less tangible qualities, like intellect and sense of humor. Even just saying, “I enjoy spending time with you,” can mean a lot to anyone.