If you’re a guy who dates women, have you ever had the feeling you did something wrong — terribly, terribly wrong — but you can’t, for the life of you, figure out what it was? Of course you have. Deciphering romantic partners has been a mystery since time began. It’s God’s little joke.
Sometimes, the trouble seems to begin from the moment she sets eyes on you. Her eyes glaze over, and the outing is mysteriously ruined before it even begins. On other occasions, it doesn’t happen until some point during the evening when you look at her and you suddenly sense an icy cold chill in the air. You go over every word you’ve said, every interaction, and you still can’t figure it out, but nothing is ever the same again.
Your average women’s magazine contains a wealth of information on how to attract, keep, turn off, and not turn off men. But, when the tables are turned, there aren’t so much data available. As a result, you’re left waiting for your girl to explain it to you, and you know how badly that can turn out. Thus, essentially, this list is a kind of public service for men who date women, and also, for the women they date.
15. Adjusting The Junk
This may seem entirely natural to you. And it is, absolutely. That doesn’t prevent most women from cringing when you put your mitt down your pants to make whatever adjustments may become necessary during the course of a day. Thing is, where are you when you do this? In a restaurant or at the movies, out in public? Yikes! In the car or lazing on the couch so it’s only her who gets the joy of being with you during those special moments? Either way, from her point of view, this is something of an insult. The second point is entirely practical. Now that you’ve delved in there, what’s next? Are you going to reach for her hand — or the popcorn? We’re entirely on the side of perfectly natural junk manipulation for whatever purposes, but for your woman’s sake, do it in private. And wash your hands.
14. Your Shoes
There are a lot of jokes about women and their shoe collections. Sure, there are guys who also have extensive sneaker collections and even bigger ones than women usually have, but on average, the ladies outdo the men hands down when it comes to footwear. And yes, it does matter. Now, she may tolerate a much smaller shoe collection in a man, but what virtually no woman will tolerate is the wrong shoes. What are wrong shoes, you ask? Flip flops in a restaurant are the wrong shoes. In fact, flip flops anywhere but the beach, and maybe not even there, are the wrong shoes. Sports sandals with anything other than shorts, wherever shorts may be appropriate, are equally wrong. What are the right shoes? Now that question may be a little harder to answer. If you’re truly fashion impaired, then it may be safest to ask a salesperson. Better yet, ask your girl — she’ll love it, although we have to caution that dressing you may become habit forming.
13. Fashion Sins
Now, we’re willing to admit that men have just as many complaints about what women wear, or don’t wear, but there are certain fashion faux pas that men commit that are undeniably unappealing. Long shorts that stop basically just above the tube socks you’re wearing with sneakers? No, just no. Knee socks and sandals — no one should have to be told that this is inappropriate at all times. Now, putting a pattern on pattern outfit together is a thing, we’re told, but it can really only be accomplished by a seasoned fashionista. For the average guy, the best advice is to stick with one patterned fabric only on a single piece of clothing for the safety of all concerned. If the buttons bulge on your shirt at the waistline, just stop kidding yourself already, dude, and buy up a size.
12. Icky Fingernails
Some women have long, polished fingernails. Others keep them short. They will, by and large, be clean and well kept no matter which end of the scale they land on. Take your cue from that fact and do not ever show up for a date or even just to hang out on a grubby street corner with your GF with dirty, long and ragged, discolored or otherwise reprehensible fingernails. It’s pretty much an immediate turn off. The important thing to remember is, those dirty nails are not getting anywhere near where you’d probably like them to end up by the end of the night, i.e. next to your honey. Not even a FWB will tolerate this particular foible. Be forewarned. It’s nothing to go to one of the many nail salons available in virtually any city or town to get them looked after professionally once in a while. So, pony up the cash and do it right. She will notice the difference.
11. Rampant Temper
If your temper turns on a dime from chilling’ to raging, expect your date to pull a runner. Gratuitous displays of aggression, random fighting in bars or nightclubs, tussles in the parking lot — to the uninitiated, these may seem like just the kind of testosterone-fueled activity that women crave, but if that’s you’re impression, you’d be dead wrong. Most women would find an evening of witnessing your out-of-control temper pretty scary, in fact. Think about it: would you really want to be with a girl who loves to watch you fight? Unless you’re an aspiring MMA fighter or WWE performer, a woman who gets turned on by aggression is going to land you in some kind of Bonnie and Clyde situation. It won’t end well.
10. A Gross Bathroom
To you, it’s just a room where you do unspeakable things. To her, it’s a test of your character. This is what you’re like when no one’s looking. It’s a test you’re likely to fail. Many women, if you haven’t noticed, tend to spend a fair amount of time in the bathroom. If they have to tiptoe around the floor grunge, figure out a way to stand above the disgusting toilet seat to relieve themselves, and then cough back their nausea as they try to clean their hands at your shorn whisker-filled sink, they will shun your crib. If you have a long-term relationship and you’ve had trouble persuading your girlfriend to stay the night, a gross bathroom may well be the reason. If it’s foul and abhorrent enough, it may even get in the way of moving in together. Use that information as you will.
9. Rudeness To Wait Staff
You’ve taken your date out to a shmancy restaurant. But sometime during your meal, the server happens to slop a little of your drink on the table. He or she rushes to get a cloth, but you figure this is a good chance to assert your authority and stand up for the little guy in the face of shoddy service, so you chew the waiter or waitress out and give them a piece of your mind. Or maybe it’s not an expensive restaurant but a bit of a rundown diner, and you figure it’s part of the fun to give the waitress a hard time. You’re showing your girl that you’re the man, right? Wrong! While you were acting big and important, she slipped out the back door and took a cab home. Sure, there are certain people in this world who seem to not only get away with but prosper by being the loudest bully in the room, but chances are overwhelming that your date will be unimpressed by the display.
8. Lack Of Deodorant
Maybe you’ve read something on the Internet about pheromones. They’re chemical signals our bodies use to attract sexual partners, among other things. In fact, the latest science tells us that when it comes to human sexual attraction, it’s not just pheromones but a whole suite of chemical signals that come into play. Somehow, you read that, and it led you to believe that your man-scent was somehow delightful to the ladies in your life. You were wrong. Straight up. For a woman you’re just getting to know, excessive body odor is a deal breaker. If you’ve been in a relationship for some time — and we mean, quite some time as in months and months at least — you may be able to get away with relaxing the body hygiene every now and then. But, she’ll still hate it no matter how long you’ve been together, and you may end up paying for it in ways that you don’t anticipate. It may be safer all around just to shower regularly and use deodorant all the time.
7. Visibly Tuning Out
One of your fave girls has a real thing for Beyonce, or maybe its reruns of Gilmore Girls, or whatever, and she likes to talk about it. A lot. And you like her for a lot of different reasons, but this particular obsession isn’t one of them. But because you still want to hang with her — and you know if you let her get it out of her system, the rest of the outing will be cool — you’ve gotten in the habit of letting your mind wander every time she starts letting her inner fangirl get the better of her. Now, this might work if you play it right and if you don’t let it get too far. But if you start using the tune-out method every time she starts to talk about… anything, it won’t go unnoticed for very long. If she gets to the point of asking, “Hey, are you even listening to me?” you’ve already lost. You know that hot chick you thought you really got along with? The one who’s now ghosting you? Think back to the last time you talked, and if you can’t remember a single word she said, then you may be guilty of this major turn off.
6. Dirty Clothes
You can get away with dirty clothes if you work at a dirty job for real. If you’re a buff construction dude or a contractor with some coin in your pocket, work-soiled clothes at an after-work bar scene can definitely work for you. However, if you’re some lazy college student with orange chip seasoning on your collar or an office chump at a cocktail mixer with coffee stains on your shirt, then there are few better ways of turning away any potential female dates. Messy clothes say, “I don’t care about myself, so why should I care about you?” It makes them wonder, “If he wears such filth on the outside, what on earth might be going on with his underwear?” You don’t want women to start cringing when they think about your underwear. It’s counterproductive.
5. Too Quiet
Whether you’re the kind of twosome who chat constantly or are the type who prefers holding hands under the moonlight, that’s not the question. It’s a question of being the strong-and-too-silent type between the sheets. There’s plenty of science to back this up. We’ve all heard that women tend to be more verbally oriented. When it comes to hooking up, she’s expecting some kind of verbal feedback, simply put. So your intense stare followed by a muffled grunt just isn’t doing it for her. It may seem like an unreasonable demand to try and get you to think long enough to make some kind of noise right when you don’t want to think about anything at all, but this is one compromise that will pay dividends. She wants to hear you so that when she does, she can try and get you to make some more noise.
4. Unwashed Hair
It may work for rake-thin 19-year-old male models, and it kinda used to be Johnny Depp‘s thing, but the stringy, unwashed look in hair for men is not a thing. Not at all. Not even Depp gets away with it anymore. That also goes for an over-processed look weighed down with so much product it actually looks like stringy, unwashed hair –like the hair on one of the extras in the original Underworld movie. She wants hair she can touch — hair that she can let near her without fear of contamination of some kind. She doesn’t want to think about what’s going on with the dirty scalp underneath that unwashed mop. You don’t need to be a hair model, but clean hair that sports some kind of cut or style — that’s the basic requirement.
3. Conversation Interruptus
This is the flipside of tuning out of a conversation, but it’s just as bad. It may be difficult at times to figure out when exactly a woman has finished speaking, but trust us: it’s safest just to wait it out. Gather your thoughts, and then put in your two cents once she’s done. There’s a thing called ‘manterrupting,’ and we’re not accusing anyone of it, but she’ll definitely start accusing you of it if you get in the habit of cutting her off to insert your own ideas when she’s speaking. Sure, a conversation should be back and forth, but talking over her in the middle her own speech is just rude. Even if you’re agreeing or you just want to add to the discussion, constantly interrupting someone says, “I don’t respect you,” and ghosting is the least of what you deserve in return.
2. Checking Out The Other Fish
Men look at women. Women look at men. And of course, there are other combinations of who looks at whom. It’s natural, and it’s understood. But, to constantly be checking out the scenery while you’re supposed to be spending time with someone in particular is a sure way to turn off any woman. Even a casual friend doesn’t appreciate it if you’re paying less attention to the conversation than you are to the passing traffic. Nothing shows how much you value the company you’re with than how much you actually value the company you’re with. This also goes for checking out babes online while you’re on a date, answering sexting messages while you’re in the company of another FWB, and similar situations. Casual dating doesn’t have to mean acting like an a$$hole.
1. No Babe, No Honey
Sweetie, pumpkin, sugar lips — many couples give each other sickening sweet names that are, and should be only destined for each other’s ears, and that’s fine. For them. Calling someone babe or honey on the first date — not so much. You may think it sounds hip or cool or showbiz or some such thing. You may even think it sounds like some kind of compliment, like you’re telling her she’s sexy. But to a woman, it sounds like a number of things, all of them bad. For one, it sounds like you’re trying to get too close, too fast — like you’re trying to claim boyfriend rights when you’ve barely met. It also sounds like you’re trivializing her. Hey, like I can’t be bothered to remember your name, but you’re a babe! If you’ve been seeing a woman for a while and you feel like it might be time to start calling her by your fave pet name, the best advice is to let her be the first one to take that step.