You’ve surely been out with your girlfriend or wife and all of the sudden, she is compelled to scurry off to the ladies room with the intent to “freshen up.” Unless she is about to shower or Febreze herself from head to toe right there in the restaurant restroom, she is obviously doing something other than this vague freshening activity.
The most the average guy needs to do when he excuses himself from his date is either “go #1 or 2,” perhaps wash his hands after devouring a greasy burger and fries. For the more “metro” types, fix his hair and de-shine his nose. But, as always, women are far more mysterious, and what they do during this freshening up process is curiously cryptic.
For the most part, in the eyes of the person she is out with, the woman emerges from the loo looking exactly as she did before. What in the name of all that is holy is going on in that lavatory and how did this freshen up shenanigan even become a thing? If you have ever wondered what on Earth your lady friend is doing when she says she needs to freshen up, these 15 possibilities might give you a clue. If she is doing something other than one of these options, you are going to have to call the detectives or slip the woman’s room bathroom attendant five bucks to report back to you. It’s time to get fresh and figure out what’s going on behind closed doors.
15. Fix Her Hair Or Makeup
OK, this one is probably something you’ve already suspected – your chick wants to retouch her lipstick, powder her nose, and make sure her hairdo is still in place. A few swipes of rosy blush, a comb through her cascading hair, and an extra dab of shiny lip gloss, and she’s suddenly all freshened up. Is she actually any fresher? Not really. Adding another layer of foundation and dousing her hair in Aqua Net is no way to refreshen, but perhaps she just feels better about herself after fixing herself up after the entrée course. Even if you’re not sure that this was what she was doing in the bathroom when she gets back to the table, tell your gal she looks great. She’ll be pleased that you took the time to notice her beautification efforts.
Unless you’ve been together for decades, your girl isn’t going to let you know she needs to “float a log” mid-date night. She’s going to skip away to say she must freshen up and come back to the table feeling a lot less full of $#!t. She may have done her version of freshening up, but the stench wafting from the bathroom will suggest otherwise. Listen, we all gotta go every once in a while, so if your gal pal doesn’t want to say what she’s really off to accomplish, so be it. Just be aware that sometimes it takes a woman a little longer to freshen up than other times. How about stepping it up a notch and take her to someplace a little easier on the stomach than Taco Bell next time.
13. Tend To Her Hoo-Ha
Perhaps the dinner date is over and you have gone back to her place or yours. If things are getting romantic and suddenly your companion needs to freshen up mid-makeout session, don’t be alarmed or frustrated. Sure, the wait for her long-awaited return may be excruciating, but she’s actually making sure her “nether region” is clean and clear and smelling like the flower that it is. Of course, you probably don’t give a rat’s crap about its condition and just want to get it on, but she will likely feel better after having freshened up and being 100% sure her lady bits are well-prepped for the next stage of the evening. Heck, you’ve at least got to admire a detail-oriented woman.
12. Put On Deodorant
Maybe it is first-date nerves and jitters, the boiling heat of a sweltering summer night, or she forgot to swipe some on before heading out, but sometimes a gal’s gotta hit up the loo to make sure her pits don’t stink. She certainly cannot take a discreet whiff at the dinner table, so off to freshen up she shall go. While in the bathroom, your gal can generously apply her Secret and the secret will be safe from you. Just be thankful she was thoughtful enough to make sure B.O. didn’t arrive with your date as an uninvited third (and fourth) wheel. Yes, some men enjoy a woman’s natural scent, but for the most part, a set of smelly underarms are the pits.
11. Call A Friend
If your woman needs to suddenly freshen up out of nowhere, it could be that your date is going perfectly swell or its headed south. Sometimes, a gal claims to need to freshen up so she can call her bestie to report on the status quo of your date. If things are going well, she will no longer need that “emergency call” so that she can ditch you in a pinch. If things suck, your date may be planning how to feign a fever so she can meet up with Jessica at their favorite bar in a half an hour. Naturally, your girl will never tell you she needs to go make a call, so you’ll be left wondering why her trip to the ladies room is taking so darn long. Just accept this freshening up possibility and order a beer while you play back all of your corny one-liners of the evening in your head.
10. Go For A Smoke
Perhaps your girl is a smoker or worse, she is hiding the fact that she’s addicted to nicotine. If she scampers off to freshen up, she may be in dire need of a nicotine fix and cannot wait a moment longer. She’ll cover up her tryst with tobacco by squirting generous amounts of breath spray into her pie hole and spritzing herself with adequate perfume before her return. If you think smoking is what your gal is up to, take note if she smells a whole lot better when she comes back from freshening up. And if you smoke too, the real question will be why she didn’t invite you for a smoke alongside her. Maybe you’re not the match you thought you were.
9. Pop A Pill
If your gal leaves the date for a few suspicious minutes under the guise of freshening up, beware that she may be medicating herself, or worse, doing something illegal. A headache during a night out is a bummer, but an aspirin or two and she’ll be back in the swing of things in no time. Now, if she’s popping her grandma’s prescription for Percocet from last month’s hip surgery or trying to keep from falling asleep from your boring conversational skills by gulping down Adderall, this could be freshening up at its very worst. Look out for odd behavior after a return from freshening up and insist you do the driving. Say no to drugs and a date who’s hooked on ‘em.
8. Take A Breather
Sometimes, a gal needs a minute to collect herself. It can be hard to be “on” all night and she may just want a moment to think, unwind, or just be alone. This does not mean she’s sick of you necessarily. Things can be going fine and dandy and she simply needs a sec to wrap her head around the possibility that you are the real deal. She will tell you she needs to freshen up when she really wants to take a few deep breaths so she can be on her A-game. Heck, you may enjoy the few solo moments too. Check your Facebook page or run to the men’s room too. A 3-minute absence will make the heart grow fonder.
7. Prep The Birth Control
Consider this form of freshening up a score in the sex department! Your glorious gal needs to run to the ladies room to pop in her diaphragm, make sure she’s well-stocked with condoms, or to check that she’s been taking “the pill” on time this month. If things are getting steamy and saucy and she calls a “time out,” don’t feel blue (figuratively and literally). She is making sure she and you are well-protected, safe, and remain childless… at least for now. Give her all the time she needs to freshen up, and you will be glad she was responsible enough to do so. Spontaneity is fun, but not when it lands you a case of the crabs and a future “Junior.”
Yes, you’ve officially nauseated your lady friend to the point of regurgitation. OK, maybe it was the eight Jell-O shots or that questionable skewered meat on the pupu platter, but if your gal runs off in a panic to the bathroom to freshen up, she may be ready to toss her cookies. Just pray that she is neat at vomiting and doesn’t return with chunks of puke in her hair and all over her designer blouse. Hopefully, one bout of barfing will have her feeling better and a few swigs of ginger ale will have her ready to finish up the evening. Otherwise, take or send her home with a sleeve of Saltines. Next time, go out for fries and a Coke.
5. Drink from A Flask
Looks like your date may have a drinking problem. If she is running off to freshen up every half hour and seems to become tipsier and less coordinated with every trip, you may have a flask-swigging sloshed-up woman to contend with. Go in for a “welcome back” from the bathroom kiss and check if her breath smells like a bar. And tell the waiter to cancel your bottle of merlot. The last thing you need is a belligerent bathroom drinker who can’t make it through your date without being buzzed. Make sure she took public transportation or drive her home. Oh, and stick a napkin with the number for the local AA chapter inside her purse when she’s not looking.
4. Facetime Her Boyfriend
There’s a chance your woman is not being faithful. She may say she needs to freshen up, but she really wants to check in with her boyfriend, or worse, her husband, while she’s out with you. Or perhaps you are her main man (or at least you thought you were) and she has a “side piece.” If your lady returns from freshening up a little happier than she was when she left, it’s not because she finally got rid of that painful gas. She may be glad to have spoken with her honey and has that sly high from hearing from her lover. Keep an eye on this chick because she may not only break your heart but leave you feeling a fool.
3. Check Social Media
In this day and age, most folks can’t go a solid 5 minutes without checking their social media feeds or to see who is tweeting what. No meal has been eaten before its pic has made it to Instagram, and without a duck-lipped selfie posted to Facebook, do we even exist at all? Perhaps your girl has enough etiquette to refrain from flicking through her news feed while out to dinner with you, but the desire will fester until she must give in to the temptation to tweet. So off to the bathroom to freshen up she’ll go, and when you realize you’ve been “tagged” in a pic while she was gone, it’s then you will understand that freshening up can mean virtually anything.
2. Take Off Her Shoes
High-heeled stilettos and pumps are undeniably sexy but ask any woman and she will tell you that they are rarely, if ever, comfortable. Your ‘bae’ doesn’t want nasty blisters and unsightly hammertoes and would love to dance the night away in your loving arms. But sometimes those dang shoes can be killers and if she doesn’t get a few moments of relief, she’s not going to make it all night long, no matter what Lionel Richie sings. She might have to take a few to freshen up, and as she sits on the throne, she will remove those uncomfortable shoes for a while to allow her feet to breathe. Cut her some slack, style can be a real bitch. And if she doesn’t have a moment to tame those tootsies, she will become one too.
1. Brush Her Teeth
Some gals are big on keeping up with their oral hygiene. If you are partnered up with one of these types, consider yourself to be lucky. Bad breath, puffy gums, and yellowing rotten teeth never made a woman more attractive. After an especially garlicky meal or a sticky cinnamon bun at the food court, your babe may want to run to the loo for a freshening up in order to give her teeth a good brushing, or at least so she can swish around some zippy peppermint mouthwash. Perhaps you can take a cue from your dame and bring along a toothbrush yourself. You may just get that good night kiss you were aiming for. If not, at least your dentist will be proud of you.