Just like Spider-Man has his spidey sense, the gays have their gaydars. Without any obvious indications, the gays have the gnarly ability to pick up senses of homosexuality nearby. But, unfortunately not everyone is gay, so not everyone was born with this so-called gaydar, so I collected all the information on lesbians through research and through gaydar to drop some wisdom on you. Now I know that when the word “lesbian” comes to mind we have a perfectly good idea of what your everyday butch woman looks like. Although, the “butch” women are not the ones that men are continuously falling for without the knowledge of her true sexuality.
Men and women sometimes create this clear idea of what a member of the LGBT community looks like to them. If it doesn’t walk like a duck and it doesn’t talk like a duck, can it still be a duck? Well, yes. Sometimes it takes on the beauty of a swan, but nonetheless, still a duck. It’s the same concept when a lesbian can be feminine or femme, pass as straight, and get hit on by guys, just as straight women can be masculine, cut their hair short, and act like one of the guys. This concept is very fluid. She may wear a tight dress and heels, but you’ll find once you take all of her clothes off, she’s still a lesbian.
However, my intention is not to spread awareness, but to educate you on what may help indicate when a woman is gay. So, next time you go to the bar and no one has the time to explain to you why you just got shot down again, you can instead refer back to the teachings of lesbian women in this article.
I know, I know, it’s not you… but it really is. You’re not packin’ the right kind of instrument for this beautiful woman to wrap her lips around, and that’s that. There are so many “warning signs” when it comes to hitting on a lesbian woman, small things she may posses like the fact that she doesn’t carry a purse, or she may wear a more subtle shade of make up, or that blue isn’t just her favorite color, it’s the warmest. Anyway, lez see what we can do to get you laid. And don’t forget, lesbians come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and styles, so who are we to put them all in one box? We’re just trying to help you out! Pay attention to these 15 signs that prove she might be swinging for the other team!
I can’t help but notice that there are a bunch of things about lesbians that most people don’t know, but with this one, we are all aware of why this would be an indicator and it’s because a vast majority of lesbians keep their finger nails short because, otherwise, sex would be pretty painful. Let’s not beat around the bush (no pun intended). This isn’t much of a secret in the lesbian community considering we all know how the “L” in LGBT are getting it on in the bedroom. She may have a few long fingernails here and there, but whats most important is that she shaves them down when it comes to the middle and the ring finger, or the pointer and the middle, its all about preference. Not to mention, if she lacks the finger nail polish as well, it’s a bit of a red flag. Especially if she’s exceeding the expectations of both these things. Lez be honest, clipped finger nails and missing polish is demanding another woman’s attention!
14. Septum Piercing
Yikes! If I’m being completely honest, I have never found this attractive on anyone, let alone women. It undoubtably reminds me of a doorknob from a haunted mansion. As if the piercing didn’t look bad enough, this idea makes it frightening as well. Of course straight women have septum piercings too, however, if she’s rockin’ out and willing to leave the house with this attached to her face, I’m convinced she’s gay. In fact, I’m also convinced she thinks it looks good too, which is just downright tragic. Sure, women can have cute little studs or obtain 3 or more piercings in the ear, but having a doorknob attached to her nose inevitably opens the door to a lesbian mansion rather than a haunted one. Although the thought is haunting me, I suppose you can count your blessings that she doesn’t have a bellybutton ring instead… not that it really matters much now.
13. Kristen Stewart
Might I remind you of the girl who was the face of the Twilight franchise, the one who played an innocent teen in love with a vampire. Well, I’d imagine that’s what everyone remembers her as, but as for the lesbians, they are reminded of her role as Joan Jett in The Runaways, a role that lit the first true gay spark to their hearts. This woman is constantly being praised for in the media (and by lesbians) for her good looks and witty charm. Kristen Stewart is an absolute babe and if you’re interested in a woman who admits that she’s her favorite actress or brings her up on any given day, she’s also neglecting to admit that she’s probably playing for the other team. Not to mention, she has probably subconsciously taken on her fashion sense as well: A pair of black jeans with a low dipping tee and a pair a vans to tie the look together. Either way, I’m convinced every woman is secretly crushing on this gay girl, so I suppose you can let this one off the hook, but pay close attention to what she says about this sexy rockstar and her developing fashion sense.
12. Social Circle
Her social circle. Her “go-to” friends. This, if it hasn’t already, is going to give you a pretty good idea and provide obvious factors that point to whether she is gay or straight. Gays tend to be friends with other gays, even if they don’t know they’re gay yet. Many people who identify as a part of the LGBT community have joined groups in the community or colleges in support of LGBT awareness. So now would be a good time to get her opinion on gay marriage or equal rights, pay close attention to how she answers. You may also find that when she is around her friends she is the center of attention and has a humor nearly as raunchy as you and your buddies. Not implying that she’s “un-lady like,” just that she is not afraid to be herself and ultimately, we accept the damning truth that the only women who don’t care to be themselves are the ones who no longer feel they need to please a man.
11. The L Word
Now here’s a major issue. When I say “red flag,” I mean RED. FLAG. I mean anyone with two eyes in their f*****g head could tell you she’s made up her mind on who she will be batting for in the next game, and I can assure you it is not going to be on the same team as yours. In case you are not familiar with the show The L Word, it is practically the lesbian anthem of TV shows. In fact, it is. It is based around a group of best friends who are all lesbians and their lives together, so if your girl or the girl you’ve been crushing on happens to mention her liking for this show, it’d be wise to end things with her before she does you, by leaving you for another woman.
10. She’s Not Afraid To Be Honest
I know this may drive you completely wild, to have a beautiful woman who struts in with a pair of the best legs you’ve ever seen be blunt and honest with someone like you because who she is, is more important than what you feel. Although it can be completely easy for anyone to speak their mind, you’ll find that most women don’t posses this character trait as we were taught this way. But a lesbian woman, butch or femme, will have no problem speaking her mind. Don’t let the cute dress and boho boots throw you off, she’ll make that rhyme about “sticks and stones” nearly leave you with heartache from true honesty. And I applaud any woman who does. Men trick themselves into thinking that the sexiest thing about a woman is her body and her face and her nice long hair. Those are all important things sometimes, sure, but the sexiest thing about a woman is when she is not afraid to speak her mind, despite who she prefers under the sheets.
First of all, not all confident women are seeking women. I’m referring to the kind of women who obtain enough confidence themselves that they do not wait around to be reassured by anyone else. Number 10 on this list covered honesty and that of course goes hand in hand with a woman’s confidence because she posses the truth to be honest with herself to build this radiating and confident persona. A woman with confidence, we’ve all seen this sexy strut before. The one that makes it look so difficult, yet so delicious to apply one foot after the other. I’m not implying that women who radiate a sense of confidence are all lesbians, I’m just reminding you that perhaps she knows what you have to offer and her conviction is too strong and too powerful to posses a want for you.
8. The L Word (Reprise)
Any lesbian can admit that The L Word is her guilty pleasure. And perhaps my first take was a bit harsh, but if you’re still trying for the girl whose convincing you she’s straight and continuing to watch The L Word, then the next appropriate step would be to ask her who her favorite character is. I’m convinced by then she will be drowning in a pool of gay friends. This show hits almost every LGBTQ+ demographic, which draws a liking through a variety of viewers, but as I explained before, most likely a girl won’t be watching The L Word unless she’s into girls, so ask her about it. Pro tip: Make sure Jenny is not her favorite character, because then she might be completely deranged.. and who cares if she’s gay, crazy really ain’t that cute when it’s Jenny crazy.
I know what you’re thinking, how typical. Typical gay women wear flannels. And you’d be right, except we aren’t talking about “typical gay women,” we are talking about the femmes, the gems of the lesbian faction. The women who don’t apply a label when they walk in a room, but rather an audience. The difference between “typical gay women” wearing flannels and a femme girl wearing a flannel, is the style they prefer. A stereotypical gay woman normally wears an oversized flannel and finds it comfortable to seal the buttons all the way up, whereas a more femme girl will wear a flannel, left open and sporting a tank top that scoops down low, still giving her that cleavage shot. This may seem irrelevant or unimportant, but once you’ve read this your eyes are going to open so quickly. There is a large amount of women who wear this attire and soon you’ll discover that most of these women are stuck in questioning.
6. Social Media
There is no harm in stalking your girl or your crush on social media. And to be blunt, there isn’t much they can do if they catch you anyways, you can’t find yourself in the big house for scoping out a girl’s profile! But along with her fashion sense and friend group, this is something that will keep stirring your curiosity. This even allows you to dig around her friends’ profiles to find if she really is surrounding herself with other gay friends, or in reality, she and her friends are actually straight. Just learn to dig through everything that is public. And although I made a comment about there being no harm in stalking someone and despite my words about getting caught, it would still be completely embarrassing. So move through at a glacial pace.
5. The Ellen Show
My ideas toward this topic could very well be all in my head, this could very well be a stereotype. The only difference is, that something as normal as The Ellen Show could drive you to think she’s swinging for the other side due to other circumstances that already set off your inner gaydar. And just so we’re clear, there is absolutely no evidence that ties women watching Ellen with being gay. So, here’s the verdict, any typical housewife or teenager can watch Ellen and be a heterosexual. However, the idea that maybe she could be a lesbian because she laughs at Ellen‘s jokes and mentions how cute her and Portia are, then the scales could begin to tip in the gay(er) direction, mostly because she may be fueling her curiosity through an extra hilarious celebrity. But who knows?
Pay close attention to this observation! From personal experience, I have found that of the femme lesbians I have met who have been inked, most of them have them on their upper bicep, which has always been a bit of a hint when it comes to the lesbian community. I’ve noticed that most other women will get tattoos on their lower arms and it’ll be a thinner, more elegant design. As for lesbians, they seem to carry a dark and thick patch of flowers that are the start of their sleeve. Sometimes I even find it’ll be bright colors like green and red. Point being, if she has a tattoo she’s building up on her bicep, I’d think twice about offering to buy her a drink and move onto a woman who prefers what you’re packin’.
3. You’re Both Into The Same Things
Don’t trip. I know in any relationship, having the same interests is desired, and usually it’s required. And let’s face it, if you didn’t feel such a strong connection to her, you’d be getting bored with her a lot faster. You’ve noticed that you two both have a similar sense of humor and you don’t get irritated with her like you have with relationships in the past and perhaps you’re really reading into it, that maybe she could be the one. But here’s a wake up call, “the one” is not supposed to remind you of hanging out with your buddies and kicking it back with a beer and some Netflix. Which is exactly what a closeted lesbian would crave. A playful relationship where she’s comfortable with you, but now as we are putting the pieces together, we find she could be acting this way because she is not comfortable with herself.
2. Real Talk
That’s right. Let’s talk about the “fornication,” the “lovemaking,” the sex. Let’s talk about the sex. You always wondered why she was a bit hesitant when you were doing it. She is never completely invested in getting it on and you always feel like you did all the work. At least you know it’s not that you’re off your game or anything, it’s just that she isn’t with a girl. Ask yourself, is she riding me or am I reading way too into this? You may have to throw in the towel and accept that your girl may not be putting out, because when she does, she molds you into her fantasy as a woman. It’s obvious that some days women prefer not to have sex, and that’s not gay, that’s human, but in this circumstance it sounds a lot like gay to me. Especially if she matches our suggestions from numbers 15 through 3.
1. Trust Your Gut
Or in other words, trust your gaydar. And if you have some mad trust issues, then pay more attention to her pronouns and her mannerisms and they are sure to give you the red or green light. But we know that the only real way to actually know for sure how a lady identifies is by asking her. Create a safe environment or do what I do when I think I’ve come across someone I’m not sure is gay, make some tasteful gay jokes. You think this in itself gay, but I’m talking about the respectful jokes that are in regards to TV shows or movies. If you spit out your interest for a gay TV show and she knows all about it, you’re either in or you’re out.