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15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Be “Doing The Deed” In Water

High Life
15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Be “Doing The Deed” In Water

Who could forget the 90s flick Wild Things with Neve Campbell and Denise Richards? Especially the scene where the two of them are making out in the pool with some serious heavy hands involved. This scene had to have been one of the sexiest moments in the 90s because it had everyone setting their fantasies at an all time high, imagining what it may be like to get just as hot as the two of them.

With summer just around the corner, modern day fantasies are peeking through and the pool seems like the perfect place when it comes to hooking up. You’re still outdoors soaking up the sun, with the added bonus of cooling off in the pool. Sounds pretty good.

Sex in the pool may seem like a good time, but it’s actually one of the most disgusting places you and your partner could do the deed in, and it’s not just pools either. Any body of water that you may go for a dip in from time to time is a nasty and vile place to have sex. Pools are full of gallons and gallons of urine, hot tubs are swimming with bacteria and can give you anything from lumps and rashes, to infections, and they can even get your girl knocked up.

Sadly, every rose has its thorn, but luckily there are plenty of other places on dry land for you and your mate to do the hanky panky. But if you’re still not sold, here are 15 reasons why you shouldn’t he having sex in a pool, or hot tub, or any other body of water… ever!

15. Urine, And Lots Of It

This is no joke. New research found that a commercial size swimming pool has approximately 20 gallons of pee in it, which means that in an average community, or hotel, or residence pool, there are about 2 gallons of stranger’s urine. So unless you’re trying to marinate in stranger pee and have it oozing into the most precious parts of you, I’d pass on having sex in the pool and take the party someplace else. Unless you’re into that…?

14. Chlorinated Pee Water

Sexy. “Chlorinated pee water” the sound of that really turns me on… sike. The chlorine in the water actually reacts with all of the whiz that’s floating around. It forms potential toxic compounds in the water called disinfection byproducts. The different kind of hosts that are created vary, but one in particular called “nitrosamines” can actually cause cancer. Yeah, cancer! There isn’t exactly enough evidence to prove it increases risk of the fatal “c” words, but a research conducted in Spain found more bladder cancers in long-term swimmers.

Along with Ryan Lochte‘s gun scare in the recent Olympic Games in Brazil, he may be facing another kind of scare later on due to all the time he’s spent in those commercial sized pools, along with every other long-term swimmer. I wonder if he’s hooked up in the pool before? Ugh.

13. The Sweet Smell Of Chlorine

When the two of you are getting hot and heavy in the pool and thus far you haven’t been convinced not to do the deed in a body of water, remember that pools that smell strongly of chlorine are dirtier than usual. The stronger the smell, the dirtier the pool. So when you’re seconds from ripping each other’s bathing suits off and you’re surrounded by the strong smell of chlorine, know that it’s actually chlorine and nitrogen making contact, aka, sweat and urine and other bodily fluids. You may think it’s just a strong scent of chlorine in the air, when in fact is just gallons upon gallons of bodily fluids that don’t belong to you.

12. Unexpected Baby Mama

Pools are gross, but so are hot tubs. These relaxing, bubbly tubs, do not have your best interest in mind when it comes to doing the do. Despite what you’ve heard, the chemicals in hot tubs do not eliminate sperm. Or bacteria. Or STDs. Those are all myths. In fact, you can get your girl pregnant in a hot tub no problem. Hot tubs have a way of making condoms completely futile, because the chlorine can screw up the effectiveness of the latex. Not to mention, those sensational bubbles can slip it right off, leaving you with a whole different problem that you may not even notice. Unless of course you want to make a baby in a hot tub, then go nuts! But don’t say I didn’t warn you!

11. Bacteria

It’s no secret that hot tubs are filled with bacteria, but the bad news doesn’t end there. Bacteria in a hot tub doesn’t just effect you when you’re having sex, but can also effect you when you’re hanging out and relaxing or enjoying a drink with your friends. Being casual in the tub is enough to give you a gnarly infection. The hot, stagnant water in a hot tub is basically just a warm pool that is flowing with bacteria, and steaming with disease.

10. Yeast Infection

If you’re a woman, this doesn’t come as a shock. We’ve heard the horrors of getting a yeast infection from practically anything, but we’ve been educated about the power of yeast infections with hot tubs more so than others. You may think I’m only talking in regards to women, but men should tune in too. Because we know a yeast infection is mostly common in women, in a hot tub, it can also effect men. I’m glad I did my research because even I didn’t know that! I think it’s wise to say no to sex in a hot tub, for both boys and girls.

9. Water, The C*ck-Block

Even if you’ve gotten it on in the shower, and I’m sure you have, then you’re aware that water doesn’t exactly work as the best lube. Despite how wet she might be, water is the ultimate c*ck-block when it comes to washing away natural lubricant and sure knows how to make things a lot harder when it comes to slipping in and sliding around for pleasure. People think that water is similar to lube, but they’re completely different. Some of that water may even find its way inside and dry her out completely. End result: both you and your partner will be annoyed by dryness, irritation, and friction, leaving that woman with a bad case of being real sore the next day. Ow.

8. Switching Up Positions

Here’s a danger zone, my dudes. Think of it this way: you’re not on dry land anymore. You’re going to be standing in a slippery spot, not to mention, the other one of you is most likely occupying a spot where they’re being pushed up against a rough, hard, and extremely uncomfortable surface. Hopefully you’re starting to see that the risk isn’t worth it and the potential for bad sex is enough to make you stop what you’re doing, and instead, save your sex drive and make your way somewhere where it’s not so dangerous and a lot more enjoyable.

7. The Shore House

Everyone remembers the legendary shore house from the reality TV show Jersey Shore about young adults who didn’t do much but pick up potential babes each night at the club and bring them home to “smash” and no shame, everyone’s been there, but as I can recall, they did fu** a lot of them in their hot tub. They passed it around like a side chick. But why don’t we be honest, it was obvious that house was swarming with STDs, I mean why else did Mike “The Situation” look like “Popeye on crack”… seems reasonable to me. And I don’t think they ever bothered to clean it out either. That’s totally their call, after all it was their home, but word of advice, if the cast of Jersey Shore is doing it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it too.

6. On The Beach

Yeah, sex on the beach sounds incredibly romantic and totally sexy, like a scene out of The Notebook or something. I mean, there is a drink named after it, so surely it has to be something pretty grand, it’s got to count for something. Perhaps just stick to the drink(s) in this case. This may seem like a passionate act fulfilling a few movie fantasies, but think again. Getting sand in places even the sun can’t see isn’t very romantic or sexy, it’s actually wildly uncomfortable. And hard to clean out. But if it’s on your bucket list go for it, but believe me, the idea of having to dig out all those little pieces of sand should make it easy for you to cross it off.

5. Ladies…

Don’t let your man talk you into this, because the bottom line is that chlorine and vaginas just don’t go well together. Having sex in a pool just isn’t worth screwing up your pH balance and being at risk for infection. Too much chlorine can have you catching a yeast infection, and too little chlorine can lead to microbes which can swim up in you and give you a whole different kind of infection. If you’re craving wet(ter) sex, hit the showers to avoid major infection, unless of course that’s what was in your sights all along.

4. Hot Tub Rash

If you spend enough time in a hot tub doing the hanky panky, you can develop what’s called “pseudomonas folliculitis.” This essentially is the medical term for “hot tub rash.” It has its own name because it something that has become common in people who are getting it on without the knowledge of the bacteria they carry. “Hot tub rash” is developed through the bacteria that’s in the jacuzzi. Sounds sexy, right? Hopefully not… Thankfully, this red, itchy rash goes away on its own, but it’s still wise to prevent it in the long run.

3. Lake And Oceans Too

For the most part, I’ve mentioned hot tubs and swimming pools, but with those two in mind you shouldn’t be considering any other bodies of water, either, especially when they’re even filthier, like the ocean. The ocean is basically nature’s toilet, as is any other body of water where an entire ecosystem has built their home. So, if you’re considering spicing it up by going for a beautiful dip in the Bahamas, or camping out by the lake, remember that your body parts are gliding through all kinds of different fecal matter, in a very large filth cauldron.

2. Playboy Mansion Party

Perhaps you heard about the 2016 party at the Playboy Mansion that had over 200 guests leaving with Legionella pneumophila, an infection, or rather a disease, that is naturally found in warm water, like hot tubs. No sh*t. The bubbles in the Playboy hot tub, which is commonly for soothing and relaxation, became bubbles of disease by allowing Legionella pneumophila to piggyback ride into the guest’s respiratory systems. Looks like the bunnies should keep and eye out for their famous hot tub, not that anyone who’s heard the news will be willing to go in, but still. Hopefully Hef is keeping it cleaner these days.

1. STDs

Left over chlamydia most likely isn’t floating around any hot tub, but that doesn’t mean that the chemicals are going to kill any kind or all kinds of STD bacteria (despite what you may have heard). With that said, regardless of what your new partner you’ve just met is telling you, you can still very well catch their STD below the bubbles… among others things. It’s clear that hot tubs are filled with bacteria and it’s not the kind you want anywhere near your most beloved parts, since I can’t seem emphasize this enough, some of the most important advice you’ll ever get: Don’t have sex in a hot tub! Or any other body of water!

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