Parenting can be tough. There are perhaps a million little mistakes that are made every day in a parent’s life. You just hope that it didn’t do any long term damage and move on with your life. Everyone has a story or two about how they messed up as parents, which is why a list like this can be so relatable. Bad decisions are made, but not all of them are captured on camera and preserved in the internet database.
While many of us have made some mistakes as parents, most of us have likely not pulled some of the moves that these parents have. From stuffing your kid into a blender for the “lulz” to hitting a massive joint with your daughter on your shoulders, these parents have gone above and beyond in their efforts to permanently damage their kids. Hopefully, many of them are too young to remember and these actions will merely manifest themselves in subconscious behavior in their future relationship. Here’s to possible permanent damage for the next generation of adults!
15. Daughter’s Got Deuces
Hey, we all get wild at festivals. Remember kiddo, what happens at Bonnaroo stays at Bonnaroo. With 4/20 and Coachella recently passed, it’s only right to start this list off with a sweet weed-smoking picture. The main question with this picture is, did this guy bring the massive joint himself? If he took it as it was handed to him, I can understand. If he brought his daughter to a festival with a super-joint stuffed in his pants, though, we may have an issue.
This picture is actually pretty messed up because I remember what I thought of smoking when I was a kid. Whenever I saw someone smoking, I would think they were a bad person. Seeing my dad smoke would have been detrimental, as you’re told smoking does nothing but kill you. Of course, you learn the truth as you get older, but there’s no chance this guy’s wife (most likely already his ex) gave him a pass here.
14. Hold On, This Is A Dope Tweet
This mother is getting off on the right foot with her kid. She’s making sure they know her priorities early before they start whining about how they want to play or how hungry they are. That baby comes second. Social media runs this world…well, her world. After all, how are you going to get all those “OMG congrats!!” comments if you don’t let the world know you just had a baby.
I’m not sure what a “social media expert” is or what they do (shout out to whoever is posting this article on Facebook), but this kid is going to be one. Is there ever going to be a more social media savvy person to walk the face of the earth? This kid barely took its first breath before it was introduced to the world of social media. That’s an industry prodigy if I’ve ever seen one.
13. Not Enough Space
Sometimes you need to take the whole family on a trip but you only have a motorcycle. I’m an ignorant American who has never been anywhere this type of behavior is common, but I feel like people in town may have raised an eyebrow or two at this one. I’m sure there are some customs in this country that would make us cringe, but piling four kids and four adults onto a motorcycle seems like something that’s not normal anywhere. Whether or not the adults on this motorcycle are up to no good (like perhaps purposely putting the youngest one on the very tail of the vehicle), it almost seems as though they want one less mouth to feed.
12. Halo Is Life
Halo is one of the most popular and addictive games in video game history. You really can’t blame this lady for wanting to pop some heads while her baby is sleeping. Unfortunately, there are no nurseries at MLG tournaments, so this woman had to improvise. There’s only one way to make sure your child makes money playing video games, and that’s to get them started early.
As a gamer, this is one of the most relatable pictures in the world. There is only so much time in a day, especially for a parent, and finding time to sit down and play a game can be hard to do. Thankfully, this baby was tuckered out from a long day of watching his or her mother play Halo, so the mother took advantage and played SOME MORE Halo while her baby slept.
11. Comfort Is King
Just because you have a kid, doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your comfort. On the contrary, it’s a little-known fact that children actually provide excellent arch support. Everyone knows that the seats on the train are less than comfortable. Thankfully, this guy had his baby on-hand to serve as an extra cushion. After all, I’m sure the baby would rather Dad save his back for little-league coaching in the years to come.
This guy seems like he doesn’t even know there’s a baby in his backpack. It’s as if he got up at lunch and picked up the wrong backpack, got on the train, and zoned-out. You can’t blame him. Everybody knows that the train is one place you shut out the world. Hopefully, that baby found his real parents soon after this picture was taken.
10. Electric Fence
It looks like this father just wanted to show his daughter the beauty of a desolate waste disposal plant. Wherever they are, the father seems to be enjoying himself, at least enough to not notice that his daughter’s hand is firmly clasped on the electric fence. It’s probably fair to assume that the mother was taking this picture, which isn’t a great look for her either.
The kid appears to be fine, which could mean one of two things. It could mean that the fence isn’t active anymore, or kid simply has superpowers. I lean towards the latter because that fits the storyline better. This kid is gonna grow up to be some sort of comic book villain who shoots electricity through her eyes and resents her parents for taking her hiking when she was a baby.
9. Dog Child
This lady just wanted to take her child for a walk, but forgot to bring a bag to pick up his poop. People who walk around with their children on leashes are the worst. Commenting on this phenomenon isn’t even a hot take anymore. Everyone knows they’re a**holes. Leashes are for parents who are too lazy or, in this woman’s case, too fat to keep up with their kid. This kid is putting his foot down, though, and not taking his overbearing mother’s crap any longer.
I’ve watched a couple episodes of The Dog Whisperer and I know that if a dog is on the end of its leash like that, then they think they run the place. This lady needs a rolled-up newspaper STAT. I’m sure she has something like that, as there is certainly enough storage space between the two of them in the form of backpacks and fanny packs.
8. Funnel Early, Funnel Often
Getting your kid to drink out of a traditionally alcoholic receptacle is a classic gag. It’s probably just juice or water, but the funnel makes it a funny picture to share with your friends. Just look at the pride in that dad’s face as he pours the beverage down his daughter’s throat. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have the foresight as to what this means for her future. Sure, this doesn’t mean she’s going to be a trashy individual, but it certainly doesn’t dissuade her from guzzling beer. If she ever gets caught drinking underage, she has a pretty substantial trump-card to play. “Oh, I’m not supposed to drink? What about that time you have me funnel apple juice when I was six?”
7. Windsurfer Of The Year
Being a father doesn’t always have to interfere with your life choices. Just because you have to look after your new baby this weekend, doesn’t mean you can’t take them windsurfing with you. All this means is that you have to be good enough not to fall. Many people perform better when the stakes are higher. Risking the well-being of yourself is nothing. Risking the well-being of your new baby is the rush of a lifetime. I’m sure this picture won’t do him any favor in the custody battles that are sure to come. Having your baby strapped to your chest as you try to balance on the water is usually frowned upon by Child Services. I’m no professional but I know that much.
6. Ducks Can Be Bad Parents Too
Humans don’t hold a monopoly on being bad parents. There are countless examples of animals being terrible to their children. Some species even eat their young in certain circumstances.
These baby ducks clearly know who’s the mother’s least favorite, though, as stepping on your kids usually isn’t something you do to a good duck child. To be fair, we don’t have context in this picture. There’s no telling what the baby duck did to deserve this, and it’s hard to judge a parent too harshly without knowing the circumstances. He could have stolen his brother’s bread scraps or stayed out too late partying with the loons. Still, corporal punishment is generally frowned upon, so this duck parent had to be included.
5. Behind The Scenes
There’s a lot to unpack in this picture. We’ll start with the obvious criticism—wearing sexy underwear and posing for the camera in front of your son is a good way to scar him for life. There are so many jokes to be made about the damage this kid has that my brain is basically paralyzed.
The more subtly disturbing part of this picture is that someone else appears to be taking it. Is that the father of this kid? The kid’s brother? A strange man he’s never met before? All of these options add further damage to what is already guaranteed to be one messed up human. Basically, all this mother had to do was close the door. Next time, to prevent the permanent scarring of your children, make sure there is at least a slab of wood between you and your erotic photographer.
4. Baby X-Ray
Why do you put a baby in an X-Ray machine feet first? So you can see the expression on their face.
There are dead baby jokes on top of dead baby jokes on the internet, but few people put them into practice like this parent did. I have to assume a father did this, as this seems like something only a guy would think is funny. To his credit though, it’s worthy of a chuckle. Many people were criticized when they were ahead of their time. Of course, this morbid sense of humor probably doesn’t fly when DCF starts asking questions. Let’s hope the X-Ray machine was unplugged at least.
3. This Kid Parties
If you want to make your kid cool, you have to start him on smoking and drinking early. If there’s one way to make sure he doesn’t get bullied, it’s to take a picture of him smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer before he can even walk without falling.
There are few ways to personify white trash in a single picture, but this photographer captured its essence. Giving your kid a tall-boy and a cigarette will definitely lead the internet to speculate on what kind of trailer you’re living in. These are the kind of parents who teach their kid how to swear before they can even learn any other word. I can guarantee that there’s a video out there of this kid grabbing some lady’s t*ts because his dad thought it was funny, only to repeat the behavior when he’s already fifteen and eventually gets smacked in the face.
2. Skate Or Die
This video went relatively viral a few years ago. It shows a father holding his child at the top of a skate ramp. The father is about to drop in. But when he does, he slips and the skateboard goes out from under him. The man, instead of turning and absorbing the hit, lands directly on the head of the kid he’s holding. He immediately consoles him, but I’m not sure that’s enough to make up for it.
If you’re going to pull a stunt like this, you have to be confident you’re going to make it. Even more than that, the guy didn’t put a helmet on his kid. That’s some serious balls right there. You can’t come out with that kind of confidence and then drop the kid on his head. That’s how you make nerds out of athletes. At the end of the day, though, what’s a little CTE and a never-ending distrust of your father? Could be worse!
1. Just A Terrible Example
This picture is literally a father’s worst nightmare. I don’t know how old these kids are, but they’re too young to see a woman sucking a fake d*ck in front of them. They just wanted a slice of cake. They didn’t need to be scarred for life before eating it. This girl’s face perfectly encapsulates the moment. It’s as if she’s saying, “What in the heck are you doing?”
The only plausible explanation for this picture is that it had to be this woman’s bachelorette party. It’s still weird. But if this was just a normal party, it would be much more troubling. If this is the case, though, why bring the kids in for the d*ck parts? I wouldn’t be surprised if a stripper showed up and they had the kids pay him in monopoly money. This picture is certified messed up.