We’ve all heard the old trope: women are terrible drivers. Anyone who has ever had the misfortune of riding shotgun with a 16-year-old girl fiddling with the radio can confirm that certain women drivers should probably be avoided on the road. Then again, just about any 16-year-old in control of a two ton death machine should be avoided on the road regardless of sex.
So what’s the deal with saying women are definitively the absolute worst on the road? Is it because some of them put on mascara in traffic? Or because their dainty little feet can’t aggressively slam on the brakes? Or is it just an old, played-out joke that fails to take into account the many, many times men made fools of themselves on the road?
For example, men have accomplished everything behind the wheel from driving off cliffs to driving into lakes. They aren’t so great at this driving thing either, you know. Plus, there used to be a time when women couldn’t even drive, so technically if you think about it men should be way better at it since they’ve had longer to practice. But no!
Let’s be real: driving is hard. There’s a reason they don’t just hand out driver’s licenses like they do Social Security cards. But for the following men, driving is way harder than it will ever be for any woman. Don’t you forget it, gents.
15. The Man Who Crashed Eight Feet Off The Ground
In the early morning hours of September 6, 2016, police in Plainville, Connecticut attempted to pull over a driver they suspected was drunk, but the man took off. He made it about a mile down the road from where cops tried to stop him before he jumped a rock island, flew into the air, and managed to crash his vehicle into the side of a building 8 feet off the ground.
Since ain’t nobody got time for that, the man hopped out of his car, dropped to the ground, and took off. Police tracked him down later that afternoon in the hospital.
14. The Man Who Drove A $385,000 Ferrari Off A Cliff
So, what happens when you try to make your limited production, $385,000 2015 Ferrari fly? Nothing good, according to the Austin Fire Department. AFD crews in Texas
According to AFD, the vehicle was pushing 100 MPH when it failed to make a turn and continued straight into the woods. “It then went airborne for 40 feet, flipped over in the air, and landed facing the way it went in, but on its side, down a 40-foot ravine,” they said.
Miraculously, all three passengers in the $385,000 car built for two walked away from the accident with only minor injuries. The driver didn’t exactly walk away, though, as he was arrested for driving while intoxicated.
13. The Man Who Worked For President Obama
They call it “The Beast,” the 18 foot, 8 ton bulletproof Caddy that got President Obama from Point A to Point B. But in 2011, the Secret Service guy driving The Beast out of the U.S. Embassy in Dublin, Ireland literally hit a snag trying to get out of the lot.
“A Secret Service spare limousine, carrying staff and support personnel only, bottomed out at the top of the driveway rendering the vehicle inoperable,” said a Secret Service spokesman at the time. “Occupants were relocated into other vehicles and the motorcade departed out another exit without further incident. There were no injuries.”
12. The Young Man Who Trusted His GPS Too Much
In May 2010, a 17-year-old from New Jersey embarrassed high school driver’s ed teachers everywhere when, following instructions from his GPS, he made an illegal left turn in his Mustang rather than using the highway off-ramp a few feet up the road. The mistake caused a four car pileup.
“But… but… it was the GPS”, he told police.
The young man was cited for careless driving, and dinged for riding around with two other juveniles in the car, which is a no-no when you have a provisional license in the state. No word on what, if any, punishment the naughty navigation received.
11. The Man Who Had To Be Airlifted Off A Goat Trail
37-year-old Robert Ziegler had no reason to believe his GPS would steer him wrong, so when out driving in Bergün, Switzerland one day, he didn’t seem to realize that the “road” he was on was actually a glorified goat trail.
“I kept hoping each little turn would get me back to the main road,” he said.
Spoiler alert: those turns only wound him further up the “road.” By the time he realized his lying GPS had led him up the side of the mountain, it was too late to turn around. “In the end, it told me to turn around but, of course, I couldn’t by then,” he said.
10. The Man Who Let His Work Get Away From Him
In 2014, a security video circulated around showing a FedEx driver being heavily judged by a trio of dogs in a yard as his truck gets away from him. The unnamed driver, who may also be unemployed at this point, presumably stops to make a delivery but fails to set the parking brake.
The dogs, anxiously staring at the guy, start hopping through the yard after his truck slowly creeps backward down the street. The driver attempts to salvage his ride, but it’s too late at that point. It horrifyingly slips away into someone’s yard, all while the dogs look on in disbelief.
9. The Man Who Couldn’t Seem To Find New Jersey
Picture it: Riverside Park, New York City, 2013. A man with Rhode Island license plates was captured dangling precariously from a staircase on 88th St., his front tires perched delicately atop the stairs.
The driver told a bystander that he was just trying to get to a hotel in New Jersey and followed his GPS to get there. One small problem: one can only get to New Jersey that way through Riverside Park with wings.
8. The Men Who Have Fallen Victim To The Infamous Canopener Bridge
The Norfolk Southern–Gregson Street Overpass in Durham, North Carolina is better known as The Canopener Bridge for its unfortunate — yet entertaining — height which, when combined with truck drivers who don’t read signs, leads to trucks getting scalped with regularity.
The phenomenon is so common, in fact, that a guy who works across the street from the truck-hungry trestle maintains a website chronicling the misadventures of the many drivers who ignore warnings as to the bridge’s height (or lack thereof, if you will). The results are hilarious, at least for everyone but the poor guy driving the truck.
7. The Man Who Gave His Porsche A Mud Bath
English footballer Andre Wisdom had to abandon his Porsche Panamera Turbo in the mud back in 2013 when he got lost on his way to the stadium.
A friend told the Mirror that the then-20-year-old Wisdom was new to Derby County and needed GPS to get around town. “He left the hotel and on his way to the ground he popped into a shop to get a drink. Because Andre wasn’t sure of the way to Pride Park from the shop, he entered the postcode in the Porsche’s satnav and it took him all the way down a muddy track,” said the friend.
Wisdom made it to the game that day on time, and his Porsche was later pulled out of the mud after being discovered by a mountain biker who couldn’t believe his eyes. “To get to that point he would have to come through an equally muddy section – I have no idea what he was thinking,” said the biker.
6. The Man Who Literally Needed A Hand To Park
OK so parallel parking is hard, everyone knows that. There’s the whole pulling up, backing in, looking over the shoulder thing. Some folks master this art with practice while still others will never figure out how to do it properly even with years of trying.
This gent obviously skipped parallel parking day in driving school, as his technique — if you can even call it that — makes no sense. Did he not learn to pull up to the side mirror of the car in front and then back in? Clearly not.
5. The Little Man Who Ran Over His Brother
Good (or bad) driving habits start at a young age. Most of us start learning the rules of the road with Matchbox cars and Big Wheels. This lucky little guy had his own Power Wheels Jeep, though, and as you can see, he’s probably going to grow up to be an absolutely terrible driver.
Although he has the entire yard around which to drive, his road rage kicks in and he goes straight for his older brother who is innocently plucking out blades of grass.
4. The Man Who Dropped In On His Neighbor’s House For Dinner
Robert Wynn of Glendale, California was headed out to dinner with his wife Galina on an otherwise normal Saturday night when he lost control of their Cadillac and somehow ended up on their neighbor’s roof.
“As soon as we hit the corner, the airbags deployed and I didn’t even see where we were going from there because the view was obscured,” his wife said to the local TV station at the time.
3. The Man Who Saw A Shiny Thing
When Andy Lee House first sunk his Bugatti Veyron in a Galveston lagoon back in 2009, he claimed that he was distracted by a pelican while reaching for his phone and BAM, next thing he knew he was in the water.
As it turns out, a man was recording the vehicle cruising down the road at the exact moment House hit the water and uploaded the video to YouTube. As you can see, there’s no bird.
So you see, Andy Lee House wasn’t a terrible distracted driver at all! He was busted trying to commit insurance fraud by sinking his $1 million car, which was insured against total loss for $2.2 million. For that crime, he did 12 months and one day in prison.
2. The Man Who Forgot How To Drive A Bus
In 2008, a charter bus carrying a girls softball team on a route through the Washington Park Arboretum near Seattle went straight into a bridge with a mere 9 ft clearance. The bus needed 12 feet to pass safely.
Just like other drivers on this list, the bus driver claimed that a GPS unit — set for “bus” routes — steered him down the impossible path. He told the police that he didn’t see the flashing lights warning him of the low height, nor the actual sign saying the exact same thing.
21 students and their coach went to the hospital and were treated for minor injuries. 16 of them stayed home from school the following day.
1. The Man Who Just Wanted To Take His Truck For A Walk
An English man made an absolute fool of himself in late 2016 when he managed to lodge his Toyota truck in a very narrow footpath. Why?
Onlooker Paul Fazakerley — who was taking a casual stroll with his family when he stopped the out-of-place truck on the tiny path — told reporters that the driver claimed someone told him he could get through. “It was obvious that he wouldn’t,” Paul said. “He was just trying to blame someone else.”
The path has clearly posted signs warning of no cars, but that didn’t stop the unnamed driver from taking a stab at it anyway. “It was clear to everyone it was going to be a spectacle so people had stopped to watch. The path was clearly smaller than the car,” Paul said.
Realizing he was stuck, the man escaped through the vehicle’s window, grabbed his bike out of the back, and took off for the pub.