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15 Gross Things Your Girlfriend Does Behind Your Back

High Life
15 Gross Things Your Girlfriend Does Behind Your Back

Think you know what your girlfriend gets up to when she’s home alone or out with her girlfriends? Think again. Girls think guys can be gross with their personal habits, but trust us, the ladies are right up there giving the men a run for their money when it comes to the gross-out stuff. You just think she’s dainty and sweet. But, when she goes behind closed doors, she gets up to all kinds of totally gross stuff that, once you learn about it, you’ll wish you could unlearn it big time. But then, you probably won’t be able to. No more go-backs. We’ve got stuff about “that time of the month.” We’ve also got stuff about what she gets up to when she’s home alone and lounging in front of the TV. No, it’s not s*xy stuff. It’s gross stuff. Totally gross stuff. So if you dare, read on and learn about 15 of the grossest, unimaginable things that your cute and hot girlfriend probably gets up to when you are not around. Wait, did I mention that some of it involves other chicks? And what do all those things have in common? They are gross, grosser, and grossest BIG-TIME. Read on if you dare.

15. The DIY Pad From Toilet Paper Trick

You know what the Girl Scouts say—“Be Prepared.” So, what if you are not prepared for that time of the month and it strikes without warning? Well guys, here’s a secret that every girl knows. Your girlfriend probably runs into a bathroom and unwinds a mountain of toilet paper that she uses to make a pad by wrapping it around her panties. Presto, she now has for herself a DIY pad! The only problem with this is if we aren’t wearing underwear (yes, we do that too) and we are wearing loose fitting jogging shorts. What do we do then? We borrow your sweater and tie it around our waist to hide what’s going on. Then we forget and give it back to you. Gross. Totally gross. We even heard of a chick using a sponge instead of a pad. ‘Hide your sponges’ is our advice.

14. Yummy Tummy Boogers

Come on. We all know girls pick their noses. The grossest thing? Girls sometimes pop it into their mouth and swallow it. No, really, sometimes we just can’t resist. Think you want to go in for a kiss? No way, you say. Sometimes we pick at it when we think nobody is looking. Oops! And then, like Jennifer Aniston, we get caught. Well, guys, she is one of the few females on the planet who looks hot even when doing what should be “private” stuff. Picking your nose is like burping, farting, or pooping. It should never be done in public. Unless of course, you’re Jennifer Aniston. Is she trying to pretend she is just scratching her nose or what? Hey, we found another picture of Hillary Clinton picking her nose, but we cast her aside for Jennifer. We want to gross you out, but we want you to have some nice pictures to look at on the way.

13. Sniffing Her Armpits

So, we’ve had DIY pads and a spot of nose picking. Can it get any worse? In a word, yes. The absolute grossest thing a girl can do is to rub her hand over a smelly armpit and then sniff it…especially hairy armpits. Trust us guys, your girlfriend does that a lot more often than she would care to admit. So, beware of sweaty girlfriends on hot days. Shaking hands or (worse) holding hands is probably not a good idea! And when we want to take a sneaky sniff, we, like Gwen Stefani, pretend that we are NOT sniffing. Looks like our Gwen may be combining a spot of nose picking with a spot of pit sniffing. Another gross girlie secret? We rub our hands under sweaty boobs and sniff that too. Believe us, that under-bra sweat is in a class of its own for stink. You do not want to go there.

12. Peeing In The Shower (And Worse)

This snap of a younger Miley Cyrus caused outrage at the time. Seems pretty tame, considering what our Miley has gotten up to since! It was intended for her man of the moment, Nick Jonas. But, let’s get down to secret truths. Do girls pee in the shower? Of course they do. And when it’s that time of the month? Well, we just hope it all washes away and there aren’t any blocked drains. Now, we’re not saying Miley was relieving herself in this snap, but you never know what she’ll get up to. So, is your girlfriend a squatting type or a standing type? And a word of advice: If you take a shower with your girlfriend, you never know what you might find yourself standing in!

11. Fishing Crumbs Out A Dirty Bra (And Eating Them)

Presenting Katy Perry and her edible bra. Cupcakes. Get it? Anyway, the reality of girls and bras is way different. We are betting your girlfriend(s) sometimes wears the same bra day after day after day. And say she’s munching popcorn or eating toast, sitting around in her underwear, as girls do. Suddenly, crumbs get trapped down her cleavage. So, what does she do? She sticks her hands in there (having a good scratch of those nips while she’s at it) and fishes out those edible morsels. Yum! They are particularly yummy if they are stuck in the under-bra sweat zone. Now, that’s enough to make any guy cry ‘EWWWWWWWW’. Even worse? No, we don’t think you are ready for the “dry skin combined with crumbs” thing yet.

10. Bopping Boobs And Holding Pubs

OK, so we’re done with peeing in the shower and eating dirty crumbs out of an even dirtier bra. What next? Your girlfriend is probably at home right now, sitting in front of the TV fiddling with her hairs (not the hair on her head). No, it’s not a s*xual thing. Shame on you. Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s kind of like reassuring and cozy. Like stroking your cat, if you get our drift. And another thing, she’s probably also going to be playing with and bouncing her boobs all over the place. It’s good exercise for the twins. And fun too. It’s not just guys who like to fiddle around with boobies, you know. And she’ll end the whole “session” by giving both a good old scratch. Ah, bliss. Oh gross!

9. Sniffing Of Crotch Ploy

Your girlfriend is sitting in class and she wants to take a whiff of the crotch of her jeans just to check everything is sweet. So, she turns away from everyone, thinking she’s hiding and runs her hand down there. But her best friend catches her at it and posts the video online. Well, her former best friend. Deny it when she asks if you saw it online. Another thing lazy girls do is leave those jeans in a heap on the floor when they go to bed. Then, when they get up the next morning, they have a good old sniff of the crotch. If it’s not stinky, well, she will probably slip them on again. A little smelly and she’s probably blitzing the area with perfume or deodorant. Hey, are those the same jeans you had on yesterday? If she says no, you know that she is not only lazy but a liar to boot. Offer to help with the laundry. You won’t regret it.

8. Squeezing Pimples In Front Of The Bathroom Mirror

After some extreme pimple popping on Game of Thrones. No seriously, one of the most exciting things girls get up to is also totally gross. So, your girlfriend is home alone and is standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, having just gotten out of the shower (where, of course, she peed). She goes over to the mirror. Damn! There’s a big sucker of a pimple on her chin. She looks at it this way and that. And then she decides to go for it. So, she gets up close and personal with the mirror, squeezes hard with her two thumbnails and wham, the gunk hits the mirror. Very satisfying! Only thing is the big bump has now become a smaller bloody bump. And even if she tries to put makeup on it, stuff oozes through. Now that is totally gross big-time.

7. Dirty Underwear And The Lazy Chick

This is a real, real lazy chick. We mean getting onto useless. The same chick that is sniffing the crotch of her jeans and wearing them a second or third or fourth day is probably doing that to her panties too. WTF, you say. No way. Yes way. She can’t be bothered to do laundry, can she? And if those Victoria’s Secret panties don’t smell (too bad), she’s probably turning them inside out and wearing them again. And maybe again. And/or, she may spare a thought for those around her and whip out the Febreeze or strong perfume. So, her crotch is wet, but it doesn’t smell…much. Should you stay with a chick like this? Depends. How hot is she?

6. Sniffing Her Own Farts

You are just not going to believe this one. Now this may be the grossest of the gross. But during “that” time of the month, she gets “period poots.” Meaning, her farts smell differently than at other times of the month. So, she’s out there farting and sniffing and thinking, “I better get down to the drugstore and fast.” Honestly? A chick can tell what’s coming by the kind of farts she has? Crazy, but true, guys. And you thought you knew everything about your chick? Just ask her. While you are at it, ask about other bodily “functions” that change when she is “on the rag.” Just remember to do it on an empty stomach. Gross on steroids, that one. And we hate to tell you this; but if she’s started farting out loud when you are around, you are about to be dumped.

5. Pulling Dry Skin Off And Eating It

Your girlfriend probably increases her intake of protein by peeling dry skin off her lips or arms or legs and swallowing it. You know when she’s sitting in front of the TV stroking her pubs, she’s probably also gnawing on her lip and rolling the skin around in her mouth before swallowing it down. It’s almost crunchy. You know, like the skin on fried chicken. Yum! And we now know about those yummy tummy boogers she’s ingesting. Kissing her may never, ever be the same. Just make sure she brushes and gargles a couple of times first. You never know what’s passed those luscious lips, do you? Well now you do, but we bet you wish you didn’t.

4. Harvesting Boogers And Flicking Them All Over The Place

Bill Murray in Ghostbusters experiencing an overload of extreme booger slime’. Don’t attempt this at home. So, maybe your girlfriend isn’t a booger muncher. If not, she’s almost certainly a booger flicker. Or a booger projectile specialist. She may eat the stubborn ones that won’t flick into the air and all over the room, but in general she likes sharing her version of slim with the world. She’s such a kind and thoughtful chick. Not. What’s that dried stuff on her TV screen or sticking to the coffee table. Yep, probably harvested boogers or a bit of dried skin she decided to flick instead of munch. Or maybe it’s a bit of both.

3. Cleaning Her Nails With Her Teeth And Swallowing It

She’s not washed her hair in a while and she’s scratching her scalp like mad. She harvests a good crop of sweat and skin and dirt. Or she’s been scratching her smelly armpits or backside. More crud and grease and gunk under her nails. Maybe she’s been cleaning out her nose with a finger tip. What do you get? You get gunky under the nail crud. If you are lucky, she’ll use your toothbrush to clean her nails. If you are extremely unlucky, she’s run her nails over her teeth, suck at them and swallow the stuff. See, if she paints her nails black, you can not really see what’s under there, can you? The only thing worse? She chews those dirty nails off and then either swallows them down or flicks them all over the room.

2. Doing Number Two In Front Of Her Best Friend

Rihanna and Katy Perry are BFFs. Take your girlfriend. Maybe she’s had the same best friend since grade school. And they share everything, but boys. They are farting in front of one another, sitting in front of the TV, and stroking those pubs together and even flicking boogers together. But you know it’s gotten to a dangerous level when it turns out they are pooping together. Now, gross is not the word to describe this. It’s just a thing some girls get into with other girls. They are probably even having burping contests and challenging one another to “see who can flick the booger the farthest” contests. If you call and she says she and her BFF are doing the toilet thing, hang up quick and try to get the image out of your head. We bet you can’t.

1. Shaving In The Shower Using Your Razor

Well, that doesn’t sound so bad, does it? No. It’s just that when it drains, some of those suckers get stuck to the floor of the shower and look like curly little creatures from the black lagoon. Worse, she doesn’t even bother to rinse out your razor so when you pick it up, it looks like little creepy crawlies have been trapped in there. And, if you dare say anything, it’ll cause a fight that (guess what) will end up being your fault, not hers. Sure, we have a way around it. Leave your razor in the bathroom for her to use. And stash a secret razor in a safe place. It’ll be domestic bliss all over the place. And she’ll think you are a gent for not complaining about those curlies. Oh, just in case she’s scrubbing her fingernails with your toothbrush, have a secret stash of those too. It could be worse. How? She doesn’t believe in shaving her “natural” assets.

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