Many of us have heard the saying that there are only two real guarantees in life: death and taxes, but the truth is that there is in fact a third guarantee: lies. Every single living person lies. No matter how truthful you say you are, or how much you believe that lying is a religious sin, you know deep down that you have lied to someone you know just like the rest of us have. Sometimes, people lie for selfish reasons, either to avoid getting themselves in trouble, or to help get themselves ahead in life, no matter who they are harming in the process; but there are also less significant lies that a person tells simply to avoid hurting someone else, or to get out of doing something that they would rather not be doing at that moment.
Most of us have a job, whether it be in the private or the public sector, and there are days when we just do not feel like going to work, which is when many people decide to use either one of their sick days or vacation days. However, not everyone works at a job that offers these types of days off, and sometimes the ones that do, do not offer enough of those days, which is when lying comes into play. If someone really wants to take a day or more off, they call up their boss and give them a fake excuse, so that the boss gives them the green light not to come in. There are a variety of different fake excuses that a person can give their boss, some of which are terrible and definitely get the employee into trouble, but there are also those that work extremely well. Here is a list of 15 of the best fake excuses a person can use to get out of going to work.
15. Spraining Something
The most common type of fake excuse that people use to get out of work, is one that involves some kind of medical issue, and this list will indeed include several of these types of excuses, so we might as well start off with one. For anyone who has never sprained their ankle, wrist, or some other joint, it can be very painful, and granted, it is not necessarily a fatal kind of injury, but it is still significant enough that it can get someone out of going to work. Whenever you strain something, you are essentially wrenching or twisting one of your ligaments, which can also cause swelling along with the aforementioned pain, and there is nothing more sympathetic than when someone is in physical pain. What really makes this excuse so good, is the fact that the injury is major enough that your boss will understand why you cannot come in for work, but it is also minor enough that you do not necessarily need to go see a doctor, which eliminates any need to have to show some kind of medical evidence.
14. Car Troubles
For those of you who work primarily from home, this list entry will not really apply to you, but that does not mean that it is still not an incredibly viable excuse for all the other people who still have to leave the house to get to to work. Today, the most common transportation method that people still use to get to work with is a car, and for anyone who owns a car, you can attest to the fact that sometimes stuff happens that causes you to be unable to actually drive it; and in there lies several possible excuses that can be used. One excuse can be that for some reason, the car runs out of gas, which would only be believable if you include that you found a hole in the gas tank, or you can tell your boss that you accidentally locked your keys in the car and you are currently unable to get into it. The best and more believable fake car trouble excuses though, are that your car either has engine/transmission problems, or that you were simply unlucky enough to get one or more flat tires while driving to work.
13. Taking A Fall
You have probably seen commercials on TV for products that alert emergency services whenever an elderly person falls to the ground and is unable to get back up, and the truth is that people can actually be badly hurt from falling down, no matter how old they are. With that being said though, your boss will not likely accept you saying that you cannot come to work because of a fall, which is why you need to improvise. You can always say that you hurt yourself by falling off a ladder because you were either cleaning the gutters or changing a lightbulb located rather high above the ground, both of which would be high enough that your boss would believe you did get hurt. Another falling excuse you can use, is that you fell while taking a shower, which is very believable considering that when you do shower, the surface directly under your feet can become slippery as a result of the soap and water.
12. Someone Broke Into My House
Speaking from personal experience, it can be a truly scary ordeal to come home and discover that someone broke in and stole some of your possessions; but it is even more terrifying to actually be home when someone decides to try and break in. Anyone who has witnessed someone trying to break into their home, can attest to the fact that the experience is indeed traumatic to some degree, seeing as you have no idea what the trespasser actually intends to do once inside, whether it be theft, assault, or even murder. It is because of this trauma, and general fear of having your home invaded, that a lot of people get home security systems installed to help protect themselves and their families. If you ever really need to get out of work, you can always tell your boss that someone tried to break into your house the night before, and as a result, you are now home installing a security system; and your boss will likely believe you seeing as almost no one will question a person’s judgment regarding their own safety.
11. Unknown Allergy
With this entry, we have another fake medical excuse that can be used, and seeing as virtually everyone suffers from at least one type of allergy, it is possibly one of the most believable excuses that will appear on this list. People can be allergic to any number of things, including peanuts, dairy, latex, pollen, animals, and even certain kinds of medication; which is why you could tell your boss that you cannot come into work because of an allergic reaction to something. The problem with this excuse though, is that people tend to avoid coming into contact with things they are allergic to, especially if their allergy could possibly be life threatening, so in order to truly get your boss to believe you, say that you experienced an allergic reaction to something you had no idea that you were allergic to. For example, you can say that while you were outside, a bee stung you, which you thought was no big deal until you unexpectedly developed hives and breathing difficulties.
10. A Tree Fell
Trees have covered the Earth’s surface for millions upon millions of years, and although we see them as living things that do not move, and which provide the planet with breathable air, it does not mean that they cannot also be dangerous. Trees may in fact be stationary things, but it is possible for them to fall down, primarily as a result of human intervention or extremely violent weather conditions. In residential areas, there are trees located up and down the streets, and there have been cases of trees falling onto houses and cars which cause significant damage; and you could use that scenario as an excuse to get out of work, but it would be a difficult lie to keep up with especially if someone from work passed by to see that your car and home were perfectly intact. That is why you can say that a tree on your street fell down and is now blocking the road, and the reason why this works, is that if anybody from work does drive by and sees no tree, you can say the next day that clean-up crews had already gotten rid of it
It is not fun to be told that either you or someone in your house has lice, not just because lice feed on your blood and causes your head to become irritably itchy, but because they can also be difficult to get rid of, especially if you do not plan on simply shaving your entire head. It is because of just how annoying and inconvenient lice are, that they provide a great excuse for people who do not want to go work, and if you play your cards right, your boss may even give you an extra day or two off because of it. No one wants to get lice, in fact they do not even want to risk being around the little parasites, which is why your boss will likely be more than willing to give you the day off if he/she believes that they and the entire workplace may become infested. It is possible that your boss will even give you more days off, if you tell them that you need to clear your entire house of the pests.
8. Blood Donation
There are instances when people are rushed to the emergency room with extensive injuries that caused them to lose a significant amount of blood, and it is because of that blood loss, that they receive a transfusion. The blood that emergency rooms give to patients has to come from somewhere, and that is where blood donors come in, as they willingly part with some their own blood to help save another person’s life. Giving blood is a very selfless act which is why if you have a conscious, I advise not using this good excuse unless you really need to get out of going to work. When you give blood, it is common to experience both dizziness and lightheadedness, and for some people, these side effects can be truly severe, so severe that donors can in fact lose consciousness. If you were to tell your boss that you donated blood and are now incredibly dizzy and weak as a result, than he/she will understand that you may not be able to do your job effectively that day; plus they would not really question such a selfless act, unless of course you are well known for being really selfish.
Here we have yet another medical excuse that can be used, and if you are willing to do a little bit of physical acting to help sell it prior to telling your boss about it, then there is a chance that your boss may give you more than just one day off. Hemorrhoids are a single vein or a group of veins inside the rectum or anus which for some reason have become swollen, and they can indeed be uncomfortable, but they can also cause pain, as well as rectal bleeding when going to the bathroom. In order to convince your boss that this is true, it is best to say that you have already gone to see a doctor who has advised you to take a long salt-water bath to clear up the hemorrhoids. The good thing about this excuse, is the fact that almost no one is going to believe that someone is lying about something so personal and embarrassing.
6. A Pet Emergency
A lot of people love animals, and it is because of this love that many of us own one or several of them as pets, and aside from being companions, our pets can also offer us a way to get out of going to work. You do not really need an actual pet for these types of excuses, but it would be beneficial, as people will wonder why they have not heard of said pet until now. Animals are like people, in that they can get really sick, eat things they are not supposed to, get into terrible accidents, and die; all of which are perfect pet emergencies to use as a fake excuse. In order for this excuse to really work though, it is a good idea to first learn whether or not your boss owns and likes pets, because if they do, they will almost always be understanding of such a situation and will gladly give you the day off.
The term repossession is primarily used to identify a financial institution that is either taking back something which a person has leased or rented, or is seizing something that the person used as collateral. In either case though, repossession occurs when someone is unable to make their agreed upon payments, and for anyone who has had to deal with having something of theirs repossessed, they will agree that it is not a very pleasant thing to deal with. Now there are multiple things that can be repossessed, but there are really only two things that you can have repossessed that your boss would let you get out of work for, and they would be your house and car. If your car gets repossessed, then you are without a way to get to work, and if you go with the house option, then you will get your boss to sympathetically give you a day off; and if anyone asks how you got the house back, you can always say there was a computer error.
4. The Septic Tank Overflowed
Of all the fake excuses on this list, this is by far probably the most disgusting one you can use, but because of that fact, it is incredibly unlikely that anyone will question the validity of it, including your boss. Many homes come with a septic tank, which is a specialized tank commonly located underground that collects sewage and allows it to decompose before draining it into a leach field (an underground piping system). In some instances, the septic tank does not drain the sewage properly, which results in a build up of sewage that can eventually overflow all the way to the surface. When this happens, a person’s yard can be covered in gross liquid sewage, which is a serious problem that no homeowner can avoid, which is why if you were to give your boss this scenario, he/she would not think twice about giving you the day off to deal with the issue.
3. Someone Is Going Into Labor
This one is an oldy but a goody, and that is because it can happen at virtually any time, and because most bosses understand the fact that everyday there are hundreds of pregnant women they do not know who give birth. This excuse works very well, as you can use one of several options, including your own pregnant wife or girlfriend, but if you do use her in your excuse and she still has not given birth, it is best to say that it was just a false alarm. Another option you can go with, is saying that your sister has just gone into labor, and that you are the only one currently available to drive her to the hospital, or you can go an even more chivalrous route and say that while you were on your way to work, you stopped to get your morning coffee and a pregnant woman suddenly went into labor there in the store, and you volunteered to get her to a hospital. This excuse may be used a lot, but because a baby can literally come at any time, it is hard not to believe it.
The septic tank excuse is the most disgusting excuse on this list, but this excuse is also gross in its own right, and it is probably even more embarrassing than saying you are currently plagued by hemorrhoids. Diarrhea is an intestinal condition caused by a virus or bacteria, which causes an individual to experience at least three different loose or liquid bowel movements in the same day, and the length of this condition can range anywhere between a few hours to a few days. The likelihood of this fake excuse working is quite high, because just like with hemorrhoids, this is a very personal and humiliating issue that not many people would have the guts to tell their boss about. Imagine if you were the boss hearing from an employee that they cannot come into work because they had diarrhea, you would literally think that if they were making an excuse, they would come up with one that was not so toilet -related.
1. Jury Duty
At the number one spot, we have jury duty, which is by far the most commonly used fake excuse of them all, and the reason why it is so widely used is because even if your boss does not believe it, he/she has no choice but to still give you the day off because he/she cannot be fully certain that you are lying. When a person gets summoned for jury duty, it is their civic obligation to at least go to the courthouse to be vetted by both the prosecution and the defence, and not showing up for jury duty can land a person into their own set of legal problems, and it is because of that reason that this excuse is so successful. There is not a single boss out there, no matter the job, who will risk going against the law by forbidding their employee to attend jury duty, even if they think that employee is lying; which leaves them no choice but to grant that employee time off until they can prove otherwise.