M.C Hammer became the first real rapper to attain and blow his entire fortune by spending it recklessly. From gold bathtubs to hiring all his old friends to tour with him, the man was a living example of excess at its worst. Little did anyone know at the time that he would be a trend-setter in his industry.
How so, you ask? A new term is going to be coined here, and it will be joining the lexicon of terms used by people when explaining the fiscal choices of a certain professional demographic.
“Rapper rich”. What rapper rich boils down to is when a rapper gets their first couple checks, and choose to spend their money as haphazardly as a 14 year-old boy who just discovered marijuana for the first time.
While it could be said making crazy purchases (especially when you first get “rich”) is a common thing, rappers like to raise that financial absurdity to new heights. Well, truth be told, comparatively to Nicolas Cage, they are actually pretty tame. So while most of us are struggling to get our electric bills paid on time, the following rappers were blowing more money on frivolous purchases than we will probably ever have in our lives.
But don’t get jealous. At all. Unless they smarten up, in ten years, when there is a new batch of rappers blowing up, the 10 mentioned here will probably be selling their massive gold chains and million dollar grills at pawn stores. We call that the “financial circle of life.” Wow, that is two new terms coined, and this is just the intro!
10. Lil Wayne’s Diamond Teeth
Really? Like, REALLY? The whole grill thing has always been a little strange (to those outside of the scene, of course). The idea that someone would need to have their teeth plated in gold and platinum or, in this case, diamonds, is just beyond reason to most rational human beings. But Lil Wayne‘s spending of almost $200,000 to have shiny diamond teeth was the most fitting way to start this list.
One has to wonder if it makes his food taste any different. Let it be known, any rapper with Lil in front of their name has made AWFUL financial choices. You will see two more Lils as the list proceeds that prove this fact. 3 Lils out of 10 rappers does not bode well for Lils.
9. Kanye West’s Sistine Chapel Recreation
What do you do with a very talented man who thinks he is a God? You stand back and let his own poor choices reveal to him over time that he is anything but; he’s more like a mortal man who squanders away a fortune to fulfill his massive and fragile ego.
In this case, Yeezus (typing that was a chore) had the Sistine Chapel recreated in his home, to the tune of $350,000. The fine print here (and there is always fine print) is, the recreation is actually also an homage to his car accident, with himself of course being in the place of that Christ-God figure.
It’s baffling how his accountant can allow a grown man to do something this ridiculous. Pay another person enough, and they will tell you that you can buy whatever you want, no matter how narcissistic it may be.
8. M.C Hammer’s Marble Floors
Although he was brought up in the intro, you cannot make a list about shoddy rapper purchases and not include the grandfather of the whole movement. That would be a sin.
Though Hammer made MANY questionable purchases (perhaps fuel for its own list?), people need to be aware he spent thrity million dollars in ONE YEAR putting genuine, marble floors in his home. To put this into better perspective for you, that is thirty million for something he was going to walk all over… HAMMER TIME!
7. Lil Kim’s Face
Imagine, for a moment, that you have so much plastic surgery work done on your face that it makes you look like a different race. Now imagine that said plastic surgeries cost you so much over the years, you had to file for bankruptcy.
That, faithful readers, is the oh-so-sad story of Lil’ Kim. She got addicted to plastic surgery, made herself completely unrecognizable, and then ran out of money before she could fix it all with more plastic surgery.
Sounds like a Lifetime movie.
6. Tyga’s Tomb
Keep in mind, this is not a tomb to be buried in or anything. No, rapper Tyga spent twenty thousand on an Egyptian-looking tomb to be put into his Melrose clothing store, aptly named Last Kings.
While it could be argued a tomb is pretty badass, will we think that in ten years when Tyga is no longer making marketable music for the youth of the nation, and is instead stuck in a financial rut while weeping at his own ridiculus spending habits?
5. Drake’s Experience Shower
Regardless of how ridiculous it is, this one is still pretty cool. At one point, Drake had to stop an interview with a magazine because he was getting his Experience Shower put in. So what exactly is an Experience Shower? First off, no one really knows how much these things cost (which means they are in the high quadrillions), so that tells you something.
It is a shower filled with overhead LED lights whose colors can be changed to match the mood. They have 10 water jets located throughout them, with a sort of waterfall effect from the top. All that is cool, but it gets better. There is also a scent dispenser that fills the air with different smells of the user’s choosing. Rumor is he loves him some lavender. Seriously, he weeps openly through half of his songs and is asked to be held. Lavender makes so much sense.
4. Just Blaze’s Diamond Encrusted PlayStation Controller
The reality is, 90% of the people who read this are going to have no idea who Just Blaze is. Judging from that alone (and the credulous power of his name), that seems to hint that this dude might just be flipping burgers in five year’s time, which stands as a brutal testimony to how awful a diamond-covered video game controller really is.
Like… Why? It sits in your house. It doesn’t even come with bragging rights. On top of that, new systems come out every few years, meaning that EXACT controller is already obsolete.
That defines stupid purchase. Just Blaze away your money, apparently. Also, if that name is a marijuana reference, that purchase is a hint that he might just wanna lay off that stuff.
3. Nelly’s Mink Rolls Royce
Remember “Hot In Hurrr” Nelly? If you don’t, not to worry; neither does he, which just shows you how awful this fiscal adventure was for him to undertake.
While buying a nice car is not a lame purchase (you will not see any cars on this list; who doesn’t want a Lambo?), buying that car and LINING THE INSIDE WITH MINK could be called gawdy at best. Even Liberace would find that a tad bit overboard.
But yes, mink interior screams “rapper rich.” And considering Nelly hasn’t dropped a single that has charted in years, it’s safe to say that mink may not be in his driveway anymore.
2. Lil John’s “Crunk Aint Dead” Chain
Here is the kicker about this brilliant rapper purchase by Lil John. Crunk, for those who are out of touch, is, in fact, dead. So right there, you have half a million (yes, you read that correctly) in bad choices dangling below your chin like so many proverbial balls.
Weighing in at 2.3 kilos and adorned with 3756 diamonds, this questionably stylish necklace is considered the world’s largest diamond necklace according to the Guinness Book of World Records. We could think of another award it should receive…
1. Kid Cudi’s Back To The Future Part 2 Kicks
This is about as badass a purchase as we have ever seen. Kid Cudi owns four pairs of these things. There are said to be about eleven in existence. On top of that, Cudi’s following (Cudders for life) is die hard, and with him releasing new albums at a rate of about one a year, this seems to be an investment that he has since made back.
Now that, dear rap community, is how you do it. And don’t even act like those aren’t the greatest kicks of all time, because we all know they are.