Let’s beat a dead horse. Celebrities give their kids ridiculous names. These are artistic people, you see, and obviously the only way to express that creative spirit is to make sure your kids never stop being bullied. Ever.
People giving their kids ridiculous names has led to many countries establishing lists of approved names, or else rejecting the names that some parents give their kids. It might seem like government overstepping its bounds, but understand the predicament having a name like “Dweezil” might pose. All through school, your name is Dweezil. If you need to go and interview for a job, you have to deal with your name being Dweezil. Trying to talk to a cute girl? “Hi, my name is Dweezil.” There’s a reason the hospital refused to allow that name on the birth certificate.
Society flinches at the abnormal, and there’s not much that’s less normal than a weird name. What’s worse, until you’re of an age to change your name, there’s really no escape. You’re stuck, being judged both quietly and loudly, for a decision you had no part in.
There are many, many oddball celebrity names out there, but we’ve gone with just ten of the strangest. Please, don’t let this list inspire your own child’s name.
10. Audio Science Clayton
Parents: Shannyn Sossamon & Dallas Clayton
Not a name, but a: Concept
You’re an actress, you’re dating an author, and you have a son together. You name your child “Audio Science,” because that’s the clear choice. Years later, you have another child. You name this second child “Mortimer,” thus ensuring your first child never forgives you.
Let’s be clear about one thing: If you’re going to name one child something weird, you’d better name all of your kids something weird. Mortimer’s not exactly “John,” but it’s a darn sight more regular than “Audio Science.” I predict therapy sessions aplenty for Audio Science, along with a good helping of resentment.
9. Diva Muffin Zappa
Parents: Frank & Gail Zappa
Not a name, but a: Whiny treat.
Diva Muffin is from, arguably, the family with the strangest names around. Her sister is Moon Unit. Her brother is the aforementioned Dweezil. Only their brother, Ahmet, really had a chance.
Diva was named what she was because she was the loudest crier of the newborns in the hospital nursery. We’ll assume the “Muffin” bit came about because one of her parents was hungry at the time.
You have to hope Diva is the calmest, most collected person ever. Even a slight outburst and she invites the kind of taunting that she must have dealt with daily all through high school. Fight the system, Diva.
8. Tu Morrow
Parents: Rob Morrow & Debbon Ayer
Not a name, but: Always a day away.
Tu Simone Ayer Morrow. You can try to keep them apart, but there’s no hiding what you’ve done, Rob Morrow. You named your child Tu Morrow.
Maybe they intended to delay their child’s naming. Maybe Tu’s parents were big fans of Abbott and Costello. Probably they just thought they were being clever.
This is really a special kind of dumb name. Most of the others are weird, but few say “We cared more about a joke than your well being” the way this one does.
7. Megaa Omari Grandberry
Parents: Omari Grandberry and Apryl Jones
Not a name, but a: Next level Omari Grandberry
Grandberry is an atypical surname, but it’s a pretty cool one nonetheless. Omari is the name of Megan’s father, and a fairly regular name. Mmegaa, though? That’s something special.
Forget “Jr.” Omari Sr. is such a good man, he hopes his son surpasses him in greatness. That’s the definition of a top-notch parent, right there, and if he wants to give his son a leg up by establishing the boy as the superior Omari Grandberry right from birth, far be it from us to judge.
Stay tuned a couple of decades to see how Megaa tops his own name.
6. Bear Blu Jarecki
Parents: Alicia Silverstone & Christopher Jarecki
Not a name, but a: Caveman’s description of an odd creature.
“Bear” is a great name for a dog. It’s kind of fun, dogs tend not to bully each other for having weird names, and some dogs just look a little ursine. Human babies, though, should probably not be named bear.
To make matters worse, back in 2012, mother Alicia Silverstone was filmed pre-chewing food for Bear to eat. It’s not the deviancy people made it out to be, but it’s still behaviour very much associated with animals.
We’re forced to assume she is trying to make her child self-identify as a grizzly.
5. Pirate Houseman Davis
Parents: Jonathan & Deven Davis
A name and station: Davis, the pirate houseman
A houseman is a position in the hierarchy of one’s estate employees, and so requires that he is proper and polite. Think Downton Abbey. A pirate is a pillaging marauder, and so requires that he is the opposite of proper and polite. Think Pirates of the Caribbean.
Now, fan fiction may be silly, but it’s at least a creative endeavour, and that’s a good thing. Maybe Downton Abbey and Pirates go together really well.
Still, it’s probably best to keep the names on the page, not give them to your child. At least the kid’s last name can also work as a first name.
4. Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence Geldof
Parents: Paula Yates & Michael Hutchence; Bob Geldof (adoptive)
Not a name, but a: Celestial tiger lily from Hiraani
Boy, that’s a mouthful. From another family of odd names, Tiger Lily joins siblings Fifi Trixibelle, the late Peaches Honeyblossom, and Little Pixie in being amongst the most uniquely named around.
It’s not so much the “Tiger Lilly” bit of her name that’s weird. That’s unique, but not something to scratch your head over. Hiraani, too, is an actual name that actual people have. No, it’s the “Heavenly” portion that’s truly out of place. It makes the name sound like a plea to a divine plant, and while I like nature as much as the next person, I’m unlikely to address my concerns to a flower.
3. Alabama Gypsy Rose Jennings
Parents: Drea de Matteo & Shooter Jennings
A name and a description: Rose Jennings, the Alabama Gypsy
It’s not right, but there’s really no place on earth where Gypsies can feel welcome. Suspicion follows them everywhere they go, and special laws have been put into place specifically to lock down their movement.
So why, WHY, would people name their child Alabama Gypsy? Do you want your child to deal with endless Borat references? Because naming them “Gypsy” is a great way to make that happen.
The really decent thing they did, at least, was tack the name “Rose” on to the end of that. If you’re going to be “unique,” at least give your kid an out.
2. Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
Parents: Gwen Stefani & Gavin Rossdale
Not a name, but a: Cheer for a college called “Rossdale”
According to Babynames.com, Zuma means “lord frowns in anger” in the Aztec language Nahuatl. An interesting choice, especially with “Nesta” thrown in, which is Welsh for pure. Unless your child is actually named after a beach.
Yes, Rossdale and Stefani name their children after places that hold special memories for the two of them. It’s kind of sweet, but surely they have fond memories in places that have more regular sounding names.
On the plus side, “Nesta” was Bob Marley’s middle name, so the kid’s going to have an in with every stoner he ever meets, forever.
1. Cricket Pearl Silverstein
Parents: Busy Philipps & Marc Silverstein
Not a name, but a: Really confusing paint swatch.
How does one find themselves named after an insect? It’s really simple! You just have to have a screenwriter father who wrote classics like “The Vow,” and “Never Been Kissed.”
Pearl is a fine name. It’s a bit dated, but there’s no denying that it is both a thing and a name. Cricket is also a thing, but it should never be a name. The little girl stuck with this name is going to be happy as a clam to be named for a bug… until she meets kids who point out how weird it is. Then she’s going to understand why she’s gotten pitying looks her whole life.