Online dating is a polarizing topic — people love it or they despise it. While online dating has become more and more accepted over the years, there is still quite a bit of stigma surrounding couples meeting online. Almost everyone has (or knows someone) with a horror story about online dating experiences. From creepy messages to bad pick-up lines and worse dates, it can be a mixed bag. If you’re hoping to find someone to have more than just a one night stand with and want to succeed at online dating, you need to be on top of your game.
Not sure why you’re being turned down? You’re not alone. According to a 2013 Pew Research Center Survey, at least 11% American Adults has tried online dating. The survey also found that 38% of people who are single and interested in a relationship have used an online dating site or dating app. While you may not be alone in your pursuit of finding an awesome relationship online, you need to be honest with how you’re presenting yourself if you want to find a girl that is worth bringing home to meet mom and dad (or at least meeting your friends). If you’re using creepy pick-up lines, lying about yourself, being rude while on a date, or doing other immature things, you’re not going to find someone who wants to stick around. Check out these eleven ways you could be failing at this whole online dating thing.
11. Lying About Your Job
Not every job is glamorous, but that doesn’t mean you have to lie about it. To be successful, every relationship needs a solid foundation. You don’t have to tell your date everything about your life right away, but lying about your job is not going to impress her or gain her trust. If you can’t be honest about what it is you do for a job, why should she trust anything else you say? If you don’t like the job you have, be honest about your work, but don’t be afraid to talk about your aspirations and how you plan to get to the next level in your career. Being responsible while working toward bigger goals is sexy.
10. Glamorizing Your Lifestyle
If you think that exaggerating your lifestyle to make yourself appear more exciting and interesting will impress your date, you’re wrong. It’s fine to be enthusiastic about the things you’re passionate about, but if you give the impression that you live a life that’s completely different from your real life, your date(s) are going to think you’re dramatic and possibly hiding something. Keep your dating profile information honest and be real about your interests. The more you conceal about your real life and your hobbies the less likely you are to meet someone who shares your interests and lifestyle habits.
9. Being Too Forward in Conversations
Having an outgoing personality is great, but begin too forward can make you look like a pompous jerk. Be mindful of your tone and your language in your conversations when you’re on (or setting up) a date. Whether you’re communicating through chat, text messages, email, on the phone, or in person, be polite. You’re not on a guys night out, you’re on a date, so act like it. It’s perfectly fine to compliment your date on her looks, personality, or other aspects of her life, but if you want to keep her attention, keep the lame pick up lines and sleazy “compliments” out of the conversation.
8. Posting A Fake / Not Recent Picture
Your online dating profile is likely going to have a lasting impression on your future date. Your profile picture lets them know what you look like and builds a sense of familiarity between your date and you before you meet face to face. This means that a profile picture of you that looks nothing like you currently do or even worse, isn’t even a picture of you will be an instant red flag when you meet in person for the first time. Pick a flattering picture of yourself, but keep it realistic to avoid making your date see you as even more of a stranger.
7. Having Bad Manners
Having good manners in person is always a good rule to follow, but it’s especially important when you’re on a date. Just because meeting someone new can be nerve wracking doesn’t mean you shouldn’t act like a gentleman. Not every woman wants you to open doors and pay for her dinner, but you should at least have basic manners in your arsenal. Don’t interrupt her when she’s talking, offer to let her order her food first, don’t give compliments that aren’t genuine (and tasteful), and offer to at least pay your share of the check. Having bad manners isn’t just unattractive, it reeks of immaturity. If you can’t be respectful and courteous on a first date, she’s not going to stick around for another one.
6. Bringing Up Your Ex
At some point, a conversation about your past relationships will come up with your new date, but that doesn’t mean you should be talking about it constantly. Especially on those first couple of dates, you should be focusing on getting to know each other, not talking about the past. When you bring up your ex, especially if you’re trash talking about her, your date isn’t going to feel comfortable. Not only is it rude to speak poorly about your ex to a new person, it isn’t information they need to know right away. Plus, talking about your ex is bound to bring up negative feelings and make the conversation awkward. Focus your attention on the present.
5. Talking About Other Dates
Having conversations about the things you have in common with your date is a great way to break the ice, but don’t bring up online dates or online dating as a commonality. You both know you met online, she doesn’t want to hear about your ideas on what dating site is best, she’s there to get to know you as a person. Boasting about (or criticizing) different dating sites can make you look desperate or dishonest. If you have tons of dating profiles on different sites and talk about it so openly, why should she think you’re interested in possibly being exclusive with someone? If you’ve had bad experiences, look at this as the chance for a good experience and leave the past in the past.
4. Using Your Phone on a Date
When you are out on a date, your phone should be off limits outside of emergencies. Your attention should be focused on your date, not on social media or entertainment. It is best to keep your phone out of the way until you’re not on your date anymore, but if you are going to use your phone, take a picture together or use it to show her pictures of your favorite trip. Your actions on your date speak volumes about how you’ll treat your date in the future, so pay attention to her and don’t treat her like she’s disposable by paying attention to your phone instead of her.
3. Not Listening / Being Self Absorbed
Everyone likes to talk about themselves, but no one likes to sit and listen to someone talk about themselves nonstop. A conversation is a two way street. Not only should you give her room to talk during your conversation, but you need to pay attention to what she’s saying to you. True, listening and being able to ask follow up questions shows that you’re genuinely interested in what she has to say. If she mentions that she loves hiking, ask her what her favourite place to hike is. You don’t have to come up with phenomenal questions, just pay attention to what she’s saying and show that you’re listening to her.
2. Exhibiting Bad Hygiene
Those first few dates may cause you to feel a bit clammy and gross, but there’s no excuse for bad hygiene. Not only is not taking care of your body unhealthy, it is one of the biggest turn offs there could be. Who wants to be around someone who doesn’t even care enough to bathe and groom themselves properly? Not only should your hygiene habits be great, but make sure your clothes look presentable. Whether your date calls for casual attire or dressing up, don’t show up in wrinkled, stained or smelly clothes. The way you present yourself says a lot about your self esteem and how you’ll treat others. Win her over with with confidence by looking your best.
1. Expecting Intimacy
It’s the end of the night and you’re both in the mood to take things to the next level. That’s fine if you’re being safe (use protection!), but sex after a date (no matter how many there have been) should never be an expectation. Nothing screams jerk like expecting sex from your date. She’s a person, not a vending machine. Being attracted to someone is great, but it’s never okay to expect sex from a date. Not only is expecting sex an awful way to approach a date, it shows a huge lack of respect for the person you’re seeing.