Ever come away from a Tinder date feeling deflated? Let down? Completely mystified on why on earth you chose to spend your night that way? Maybe you walked away feeling like you were only meant to serve as someone’s free meal ticket or entertainment for the evening.
If you are constantly rushed into seeing your match instead of taking the time out to realize what kind of person they truly are, you’re going to find yourself with a long list of duds. Now instead of a person with potential, they become yet another disappointment.
Do you feel like maybe if you had waited a day or more to meet, that things might have gone better? Nobody is going to look at their best when they are only given twenty minutes to get ready for their first date. And maybe the best impression to give, is to try not getting in your pants within the first fifteen minutes. Maybe these men could have been connections, but you’ll never know if you continue to rush into dates, especially ones that are poor planned or lazy (such as ‘Netflix and chill’).
Let’s face it, dating etiquette ain’t what it used to be and anyone who’s ever been properly courted and then tried to find a decent date on Match, Tinder or any other dating site will tell you that finding dating quality on the Internet can be somewhat tricky. The quick pace of social media, along with the new millennium sense of entitlement and the connection immediacy of cell phone applications, has led to the disappearance of the old-fashioned art of courtship, but it deserves its place in the modern dating world.
It seems like more and more guys are skipping first dates and are moving onto first kisses and first-night slumber parties instead. On the other side of the coin, many women seem like they’re dating for dollars or dating for free dinners instead of genuinely searching for the right dude. The result of all of this bad dating etiquette shakes down to a lot of nights you’d rather forget, a slew of non-dates and a whole lot of dating disasters.
Friends, it doesn’t have to be this way and Internet dating doesn’t have to be dismal. If you’ve got the matches coming in you’ve already got the dating game half-aced. All you need now is a little online courtship crafting and that’s what I am here for. Try giving the 10 tips below a try and see where your dating life goes.
10. Keep Your Private Digits Private
There’s no need to share digits right away, especially not after the first few messages! Many apps allow you to text within the app, or within the dating forum for free and it is much more secure. After all, what’s the point of using a dating app if you’re going to share your personal information so easily? There’s no need and no rush and if someone gives you a hard time about it, it’s just a great way to weed out some losers. The best way to figure out if the photo and profile on the other side of town seems like a real person is to share conversation with them first, and there is no reason it has to be over your actual number. If you’re the type who has to try and meet your Tinder flame immediately, I can’t stop you, even if I disagree. But make sure you are always trying to keep the texting either in the app, or in a way that makes you feel safe. At least until you know that random person from online is worthy of those digits.
9. Last Minute Hookups And Last Minute Date Requests Rarely Work Out
Now that you’ve resisted the urge to share your number, it is important to remember the right etiquette when it comes to setting up the date. Guys, if you’re going to ask a girl out, give her at least a day to get ready for it. Last minute date requests can often lead to failed first impressions if a lady doesn’t have enough time to give herself the once-over when it comes to manicures, pedicures, waxing and the rest of whatever beauty routine she follows. She’ll appreciate the extra time, and the better first impression you both give will be worth it. Not to mention rushing into a date that day makes you seem impatient, and the date has a much higher chance of being something lazy instead of something thoughtful.
8. Even If You’re Running Just A Few Minutes Late, It’s Best To Call
Everyone has a busy life and unexpected problems come up, so running a few minutes late for a date is okay. However, even if you’re going to be just five minutes late it’s best to pick up the phone and let your date know. The little bit of notice might give him the few extra minutes at the office he needs and it might give her the few extra minutes to change her shoes (again) and to apply a second coat of mascara. It is common courtesy and a huge sign of respect to let your date know well in advance (30 minutes or more) so they can adjust their schedules accordingly. Making someone wait for more than fifteen minutes without notice is outrageously rude, hugely inconsiderate of their schedule and not the way to make a good dating impression.
7. When On A Date Open The Door For Her/Him
Before there were electronic locks on car doors, people used actual keys to open the doors (seriously!). As a result, it was common courtesy for men that when on an important date they would use their car keys and then go around and hold open the passenger side door for their date. This tradition has been long forgotten and in some cases, never been used by many men born in the new millennium. It’s a shame because nothing screams great manners and good breeding than a man who opens the car door for a woman. Gals who also want to show they have great manners and good breeding can return the favor by leaning over the driver’s seat to pop his door open for him. Watch for the genuine smile that covers his face when you do, ladies. It’s a gentlemanly move and it sets the tone for a classy evening.
6. Don’t Drink Too Much – In Fact, Don’t Even Get Tipsy
There are a few basic dining rules when on a date that one should remember in addition to knowing which fork to use and what foods should be considered ‘safe’ first date foods (no spaghetti!). However, the most important rule to remember may be to keep the alcohol to a minimum. While it’s great for getting loosened up if you feel nervous, it’s also the fastest way to a dating disaster. When drinking, most people have a tendency to spill (pun intended) too much about themselves and that is hardly what you want to be doing on your first date. Can you see it now? Tears, smeared mascara, feeling misunderstood, regretful and umm, still alone? Don’t do it to yourself, trust me, it’s not a hangover you want to experience.
5. No Flirting Or Wandering Eyes
There’s nothing worse than when a guy is paying for a girl’s meal or when a girl has spent hours getting ready for a date only to watch said date blatantly flirt with the wait staff or other eye candy in the room. It’s insulting to the person you’re with and is one of the quickest ways to shift an evening from great to “get me out of here.” For those of you who play the wandering eye trick when your date is glancing over the menu, thinking you’re so clever, guess what? Your date isn’t stupid. Wandering eyes are well within the no flirting rule and it is completely okay for your date to feel angry or disrespected. You might get away with glancing away once or twice, but after a few times the person sitting across from you will eventually notice and get annoyed. Mentioning other lovers, hookups or other past flames, in general, is also a huge no-no which leads right to the next rule.
4. No Drama At The Dinner Table
Dating applications and dating websites aren’t intended to be anyone’s personal therapy session. If you have stuff to deal with from past relationships, jobs or failed life ventures, clean yourself up emotionally before you start dating or at least be in a place where you keep your negative business close to the vest. No one wants to hear about someone’s ugly drama on the first, second, third or even the fourth or fifth date. Find a way to stow it. If you can’t, you’re not ready to be out in the world dating, and there is nothing wrong with that, you just need to accept it. For anyone who gets caught in the crosshairs of someone else’s drama while on a first date (uh oh!) have three current events, topics or interests in your head to bring up or to use to change the subject. These three remembered topics will be your best friend in many bad situations if you remember to use them. Having a friend be your “emergency” phone call in case of an awful date isn’t the worst idea either.
3. Be Polite To Your Server And Other Service Staff
This should be a given, but for anyone who isn’t aware, it’s not cool to be nasty to the people who are serving your drinks or food. This is particularly true if you’re the recipient of your partner’s generosity. Try ordering your meal or cocktail using “thank you” and “yes, please” and watch how quickly your dating experience goes from average to really great, because shockingly, people like manners! The way you treat service staff says everything about the amount of class you truly carry. You might think this isn’t important, but be rude to the staff on your next first date and see how well that goes for you. Especially if you’re dating a server!
2. Offer To Pay Half Or Cover The Tip
This one is mostly for the ladies since gentlemen are often the ones shelling out the big bucks for dinner and drinks. If you met on a dating site or cell phone app, show him you’re not just out dating for dollars by offering to cover your portion of the meal. He’ll likely decline and tell you he’s got it covered, but in this case, you should offer to pay the tip. If he accepts your offer be prepared to pay the tip in cash and make sure you leave a full 20% (even if you think you received bad service). This will show him you’re serious about finding a good guy and that you’re willing to pull your weight in the relationship, should it get that far. One last thing, if you offer to pay, be genuine about it. Don’t do something for the simple sake of winning someone over, it’s fake and they will see right through you. Do it because you really do want to find a good mate and because you believe in what is fair.
1. Say Thank You, Share A Quick Kiss And Then Say Good Night
This goes without saying but don’t forget to thank the person who just sat with you over dinner. A lady always thanks the gentleman for paying and a gentleman always thanks a lady for coming. Assuming things went well it’s time to close the evening down with an after dinner front door drop off and brief kiss. If you’re not comfortable kissing on the first date, ladies, that’s okay too! Obviously, this means skipping the “do you want to come in for a nightcap?” bit and going home earlier than you might be used to but there will be plenty of time for that later. You might be thinking to yourself, “yawn – boring!” but taking your time with someone who could be the right someone will be worth the wait. Anticipation is everything, and you’d rather wake up with the next day with the chance of a second date and not a night of regret.
Give these 10 tips a try on a very important evening and see how it sets the tone. Know someone who can use some polishing when it comes to dating etiquette? Like and share this on your Facebook page.