Regardless of region, race or marital status, guys flock to strip clubs. Gentlemen clubs are not difficult to find, pretty much every city has one or several glowing under the neon “Girls, Girls, Girls” or “Nude Review” lights. I believe the lights help attract guys, but it’s the girls that bring the customers inside. This is where you find a diverse group that ranges from wealthy to poor, single to married and fun to dangerous. This list looks at the 10 types of guys you find in a strip club.
Inside there are many dynamics to consider, all meshing differently with a guy’s personality. There’s the stage, private or “lap” dances and then VIP or “champagne” rooms. Personalities react differently to these scenarios as well as the music, DJ (nothing better than a good strip club DJ) and of course the drinking and guy camaraderie that occurs in these clubs. Oh, and don’t forget about security. If you are not a fan of a bouncer keeping a watchful eye and the occasional “no touching” reminder, you are not welcome at the nudie bar.
Honorable mention goes to “Party Bro” who just missed the list. He’s the guy that drinks lots of Bud Light Lime beer (typically by the bucket) and is really loud. He is either bellowing something disrespectful or spending his rent money. How do you know he’s spending his rent money? Because he’s “Party Bro” and everyone knows his move because it’s being yelled out.
Here they are, let’s see if you can find yourself in this list. This is the 10 types of guys you will find in a strip club.
10. Newbie Guy
Often shy and making all the wrong moves, the “new” guy feels and looks out of place. Sometimes he’ll act like he’s been there before and is comfortable, but instead comes across as overcompensating. Note: Blushing when the dancer gives you peck on the cheek for giving her money is a giveaway. He is always squirming and never sure where he should be sitting, looking or keeping his hands. There is also the gasp when he buys the first round of beers and takes a look at the bill (convenience charge included). Oh, and yeah, this guy is totally going to the champagne room and dropping extra money.
9. Seasoned Veteran Guy
The seasoned veteran is either the guy who goes to a lot of strip clubs, or frequents one often. The former plays the joint like a black jack table. He has a budget and can usually spot which girls he wants to be friendly with. He also knows when to “go get a beer” to get away from girls he’s not interested in. The latter frequents the same establishment often and everyone knows him when they walk through the door. The regular likes that everyone knows him and probably feels he’s somewhat of a protector of the regular dancers when in reality he is just an ATM machine that continues to walk through the door.
8. Yelp Reviewer Guy
This guy can’t really enjoy himself because he’s taking too many mental notes. His number one concern is what masterpiece review he’s going to write once he gets home. Yelp Reviewer guy needs to get a life and really should focus on getting laid. Instead he’s paying for lap dances just so he can write a clever line related to the amount of “air” between the dancer’s butt and his groin. This guy gets all his satisfaction in life by typing “too much air.” Yelp guy also doesn’t drink much so bartenders hate him. Bouncers hate him. Actually, everyone hates Yelp Reviewer guy in the strip club. This hate isn’t exclusive to these clubs, Yelp guy sucks in general.
7. Lonely Guy
Predictably, Lonely Guy is just sad. Even when he gets off, it ends in tears. “It’s just like when <insert ex-girlfriend name> used to get me off…” Boo hoo hoo. He sits off in the corner so no one points him out as the loner. Lonely Guy is looking for companionship and probably doesn’t belong in a strip club because that is really not the vibe. It’s a good way to feel worse at the end of the night. The girls not making much money will approach, but the popular ones will stay away from his corner due to the smell of desperation. Oh, and he is often to “hands-on” which gets him in trouble with security.
6. Drunk Guy
Drunk Guy is in every bar, but sitting in a strip club adds another dimension. He is often heard heckling from the bar and is usually drinking hard liquor. He enjoys talking to the strippers without paying which is really missing the point of the club. “Hey I’m not looking for a lap dance; I’m trying to get my drink on here!” Okay then, go to Murphy’s down the block please… The biggest problem is that he becomes more unpredictable the more he drinks. Drunk Guy often gets pissed when he sees the bill, decides to just blow it all and ends up in the champagne room. Married Drunk Guy has the worst hangover when his wife finds his AMEX receipt the next day.
5. Funny Guy
The comedian or Funny Guy only works within a group setting and should never be tried as a solo-act. Also no off-color jokes allowed – you never want to be that guy. Funny Guy is either full of good humor and becomes the life of the party or is scared (strip clubs are intimidating for some) and insecure, using jokes as a defense mechanism. Best practice is to try to include everyone and make the jokes self-depreciating. Also, never insult the dancers; remember that this is their job. Bonus if Funny Guy wears a bow tie. Everything is more humorous when bow ties are involved.
4. Frugal Guy
Remember Al Bundy on Married With Children? He would go to the “nudie bar” and put a dollar bill on a fish pole and not let the dancer retrieve it (pulling it away as she tries). This is funny in concept, but not actually funny for the dancers who are working hard for their tips. Frugal guy wants to enjoy everything a strip club has to offer, but not pay for it. No lap dances and definitely no champagne room for this guy. He may even take up space sitting at the stage and not pay. Frugal guy should be banned from strip clubs. Maybe you shouldn’t go if that’s the way you are going to act, or maybe you shouldn’t be out at all if your whole night is about complaining how much everything costs! Sorry about the rant, I’ve had some personal experiences with Frugal Guy.
3. Champagne Room Guy
This is also the “looking to get laid guy.” Essentially, he is a dancer’s best friend (or sucker depending how you look at). Champagne Room Guy will often show up with a group of friends and then disappear with the first girl that approaches him. Inside the champagne room he gets extra attention and although there is negotiation, it probably isn’t worth what he ends up paying for it. Best part about this guy is that the next day everyone wants to know his story. The recap often ends with a hand job of sorts which makes for a good story until you realize he probably dropped two grand to get there.
2. Rich Guy
Straight to the VIP room is where Rich Guy and his entourage are heading. In this private setting Rich Guy arranges for bottle service and the finest girls the club has to offer. The girls know they are getting paid so there are plenty of extra perks and bonuses that come without having to hustle an extra few bucks. Some clubs have “special” girls for their high-end customers. There may or may not be security in these rooms where “what happens in the VIP room stays in the VIP room” mantra reigns supreme. If the Rich Guy is a celebrity or an athlete than multiply everything by three; that’s three times the fun!
1. Bachelor Party Guy
For some clubs, the bachelor party is where they make a lot of their money. Bachelor Party Guy arrives with a large group, but surprisingly doesn’t get to truly enjoy himself as much as the rest of the group. It’s only a matter of time before the guest of honor is pulled up on stage and often whipped or antagonized, leaving marks and anxiety nightmares for weeks. He is also semi-responsible for the group so when someone goes missing there is concern of whether a member of the party was murdered. Typically it’s just champagne guy who will show up the next morning telling stories about the hand job he received.
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