Breaking up is hard to do. Many people have written songs about the heartbreak associated with a bad break up. It can be rough on both parties involved, especially after committing for many years to a successful relationship. No matter what the circumstances, ending a commitment takes a lot of forethought and can be the source of great stress. One of those stresses has to do with breaking up with someone face-to-face. Not knowing how someone is going to react to such devastating news is a huge deterrent for some men. That’s why some men must look toward other options when ending a relationship.
No matter how long you have been going out with a woman, the break-up is never easy. In fact, breaking up with a significant other is one of the greatest stresses in the world. In some relationships, the thoughts of breakup can cause a person to not want to eat. They lose weight and become concerned that their DVD collection is going to end up in the microwave if they end their long-term relationship with their live-in girlfriend. And what if you have a dog? The heartbreak involved in splitting assets and loved ones can be a terrible thing. However, in this case, these are not the circumstances we will be looking at.
But let’s assume that the relationship is going downhill. Let’s assume your girl is on the wrong end of what I like to call the “nag” spectrum. Many men have gone to extremes to end a relationship. These are the 10 best creative ways to dump a girl.
10. The Big “Post-It” Break Up
Some people love to use post-its! I mean, they are great. She leaves you notes everywhere about how terrible a boyfriend you are. She leaves notes telling you to clean things and take out the trash. Notes upon notes upon notes. So let’s say you have a terrible soon-to-be ex you want to make a point with. Buy a great deal of post-its and one can of spray paint. While she is sleeping, you and your friends go to work placing post-its all over her car. I’m talking inside and out. Then take the spray paint and write across the post-its on the outside of her car: “Post this! I’m out!” And you leave.
9. Billboard Break Up
We’ve all driven by billboards in the past. Some of us are immune to it because we’ve see the logos and the promotions a thousand times. This is where you come in. You have a girlfriend that cheated on you. You have texts, emails and proof that is driving you insane. So, you do what any sane person would, using your joint bank account, you purchase a billboard on a main road nearby your home. You then have them paint the message: “Danielle, I know you cheated on me with at least one other guy. I have proof. You are sneaky, immoral and terrible in bed. I’m forwarding all your inappropriate emails to your entire family.” Then sign off: “Sincerely, Your Ex-Boyfriend, Doug.” Boom.
8. Treasure Hunt
She loves creative games. She drills you again and again on lacking creativity and has been spending an awful lot of time with another guy she finds fascinatingly-creative. That’s when you engage her in a fun treasure hunt. Clue after clue, she continues to hunt. The treasure hunt leads her out to the park where you first kissed. She heads over to that special spot by the tree. There, you have a note posted. It reads: “The treasure hunt is over…and so is this terrible relationship.” Meanwhile, while she is on the hunt, you are packing her stuff up, setting them out by the curb and having the locks changed. See ya later, baby.
7. Group Chat Break Up
We’ve all heard of texting to end relationships. People call it “the coward’s way out.” Certainly, not ending a relationship face-to-face or at least voice-to-voice, can be a call for cowardly behavior. But there is a way that texting can be a preemptive strike into entering the next phase of your life. Let’s say your girlfriend hasn’t been the best double’s partner around. Everyone has that group chat thread with friends you were too lazy to delete. This is the occasion to jump right back on that thread. You dish the dirty on your girlfriend’s bad behavior (cheating, lying, etc…) right on the group thread as if you’re talking directly to her. Play stupid on the thread not realizing you just called her out to all your joint friends. They will see she is a terrible person and you get the leg up on the post-break up friend retention battle. That’s a two for one, gentlemen.
6. The Skype Break Up
The Internet is a wondrous grand place. People can connect with each other in the most amazing ways. So, you have been dealing with a long-term relationship with your girlfriend. A couple of friends have alerted you that she has been pretty unfaithful of late. So, when you get on your daily Skype chat, you have a good long talk with her. All of a sudden, your breathing increases and you close your eyes in ecstasy. She can’t understand what you’re doing and becomes annoyed. Then you let out a mighty epic orgasmic gasp. After a moment, a beautiful naked women moves up into frame. You both stare into the webcam and simultaneously say, “It’s over!” Click.
5. Surprise Break Up Party
She loves to be the center of attention. She has always tried to keep the spotlight right on her. So, to make an epic exit, you set up a surprise party with all of her family and friends. You make sure you have her friends lead her to the party so you can enjoy all the food ahead of time. Then, when she finally arrives and is greeted by family and friends, you step up on stage to the microphone. There, you call her out for all her sins in front of everyone. You do a dramatic mic drop and walk right out of the party and never return. The cake is brought out and it reads: “You are a terrible person and this relationship is over.”
4. Hire A Choir
So she’s been a real pain for a long time. You can’t wait to sing from the mountain tops and stick a fork in this relationship. What better way than to hire a choir and send them to her job. They arrive and everyone is abuzz in her office. She is alerted they have a song to sing to her from you. As everyone anxiously waits, the choir begins to sing off your break up notice to her. She is horrified and embarrassed in front of her colleagues and you have never sounded better than in that beautiful choral of a break up.
3. Ball Game And A Fly-By
You love your team. You live and die with every game. You wear their jersey all the time and she constantly hates on you. She doesn’t like that you’re into sports and even attempts to get in the way anytime you try to watch them on TV. Something must be done. So, you buy two tickets to the game and arrive together. You escort her to her seat on the upper level. Before the game starts, you have arranged a plane to fly by the stadium, carrying a message. Right at that time, you have her look up. The message trailing behind the plane reads: “Katie, I’m breaking up with you. Good times. Thanks.” She looks for you and you’re gone. You head down to your premium seat right on the fifty yard line in the exclusive club level – a seat for one. Now you can finally watch the game in peace.
2. One Way Ticket Out Of Town
Surprise your woman with the greatest gift of all: tickets to an amazing exotic destination – Ethiopia. Yes, Ethiopia is lovely at this time of the year. You’re going to tell her all about the amazing trip and the incredible resort you booked for them. You get into the plane and alert her you want to talk to the stewardess about upgrading your seats to first-class. I mean, no expense spared, right? You leave your small black carry-on atop your seat in plain view of her. You disappear behind a curtain by the front of the plane and never return. You step off the plane and head inside the airport to watch as the plane takes off. You wave good-bye as she opens the black bag to find the letter you wrote days prior which reads: Enjoy your one-way trip to Ethiopia! We’re over.”
1. The Skydiving Break Up
She has bugged you about going skydiving all throughout your relationship. So finally, you take the plunge and you buy two tickets. Just before you jump out of the plane, you let her know, this is the last leap of faith you’re doing together and you break up with her. Then, jump. This way, you won’t have to see her face after delivering the news. And once you land, you drive away, leaving her at the airfield. Now, a secondary more sadistic version would be to tamper with her parachute a bit so she has to use the crappy back-up. Dealer’s choice on that one.