Breaking up with someone is never easy. They always want to know why, and sometimes you just don’t have a good answer for them. There could be crying, there could be begging, and the whole thing is just uncomfortable for everyone. Wouldn’t it be great if you could just get her to dump you instead? Then she doesn’t feel rejected, and you don’t have to explain yourself. It’s a win-win.
While the mature thing to do would just be to man up and break up with her the old fashioned way– honest and face to face. But who are we kidding, no one does that anymore. If karma isn’t really something you’re concerned about, and being labeled an asshole is nothing new for you, then there are a few things you can do that will get her thinking she might be better off without you. And if this is how you break up with someone, well then she probably is.
Disclaimer: actually doing any of these things basically makes you unworthy of female attention, so proceed with caution.
15. Be A Ghost
If you’ve been together for awhile and your lives are intertwined, you might need to start off slow. Start by replying slower to her texts, and ignoring some here and there. She’ll probably confront you about it, but just brush it off like it’s no big deal. Eventually stop responding to the majority of her texts, and never answer the phone, or return her calls.
Chances are she’ll get fed up and corner you somewhere, like at the coffee shop she knows you hit every morning. Act like you have no idea what she’s talking about, and she’ll have no choice but to dump you. She has to protect her pride.
14. Insult Her Frequently
Start off with the occasional back-handed compliment, and gradually increase to constant negging, and finally full-out insults. It shouldn’t take long before she realizes you’re trying to be an asshole on purpose, and you have no regard for her feelings. If you’re fine with being cruel sometimes, and you don’t mind hurting her, this shouldn’t be hard.
If you put her down in front of her friends and family every once in awhile, that should speed up the process. But be prepared for a confrontation or two by people who are trying to stick up for her.
13. Pick Petty Fights
There’s nothing too small or insignificant to start a fight about at this point. The more fights the better actually. Don’t hesitate to rehash old arguments that she’s probably forgotten about either. Bringing up something you promised to let go of will never go over well, and that’s exactly what you want.
Make her feel like she has to walk on eggshells and choose her words extremely wisely when she’s around you, and eventually she’ll get so tired of being on your bad side all the time that she won’t want to spend time with you. Which will inevitably lead to a break up.
12. Stop Making Her a Priority
When you were happy together you probably checked with her before making other plans, and you might even have cancelled things with other people just so you could hang out with her. That was because you genuinely wanted to spend all your time with her. Now, if you want her to notice that you no longer feel the same way, start choosing your friends over her every time.
Cancel plans with her so you can do nothing in front of your TV instead. Stop sending good night texts, doing nice things for her, and generally acting like a boyfriend would act. If you no longer treat her the way she deserves to be treated, she won’t keep you around for long.