Girls trick guys all the time. They lie about their age. They lowball their weight. They exaggerate their salaries. But the biggest trick of all has got to be how they fool guys into thinking they’re hot. Looks can be deceiving, and girls know every clever, devious little way to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. Guy are so easily beguiled by this trickery because they think seeing is believing, and who wouldn’t believe their own eyes?
The thing is, girls are adept at illusions – both optical and otherwise. Celebrities do it all the time. Most of their photos are airbrushed, or at least taken from the best possible angle with the best possible lighting. Stars also have glam squads that work on them from head to toe. No hair is out of place, and no toenail goes unfiled. But real girls are just as sly. They use the same tricks as models and actresses, just in a slightly more remedial way.
And don’t think girls just trick guys into thinking they’re hot by highlighting their physical appearances. Girls wouldn’t be girls if they didn’t have a couple tricks up their sleeve. This piece describes all the methods girls use to fool guys into thinking they’re hotter than they are. We’re giving you the tools to crack the code. Use them at your own discretion.
15. Shiny Jewelry
Guys are like raccoons. They only come out at night, they stink, and they eat garbage. They’re also attracted to shiny objects. Girls instinctively know this, which is why they drape themselves with jewelry. They wear glittering necklaces, gold rings, and chandelier earrings. They basically make sure that they are wearing as much bling as Mr. T before they leave the house. Why? To distract from their less lovely features. If a man is busy looking at a girl’s shiny earrings, he’s likely to notice her big nose. If his eyes are captured by her layered necklaces, he’s less likely to pay attention to her flat chest. So the next time you see a girl dressed up in so much jewelry that she looks like she robbed Tiffany’s, try to find out what she’s hiding.
14. Fancy Shoes
From Imelda Marcos to Carrie Bradshaw, girls love shoes. They love sky high heels, leather boots, ballerina flats and even make fashion statements with sneakers. They wear them for themselves, and to show off in front of their girlfriends. But they also know that shoes enhance their appearance. Heels elongate a girl’s legs, so she not only looks taller but thinner. Boots give a girl an air of sexiness – remember the thigh high boots Julia Roberts wore in Pretty Woman? Even sneakers can complete a look and give the impression that a girl is healthy and fit – even if she’s only worn them to the mall and never to the gym. Remember how we told you jewelry makes girls look more attractive? Well, think of shoes as jewelry for the feet!
13. Dim Lighting
Tyra Banks once revealed a secret to looking more beautiful: candlelight. It isn’t that candlelight does anything special per se – it’s that candles are used in the dark, and darkness is many girls’ best friend. There’s a reason why romantic restaurants are dim, clubs are dark, and first dates are at movie theaters. Girls don’t want guys to see them in natural light. Darkness hides a multitude of sins, including bags under one’s eyes, yellow teeth and unibrows. And if the camera adds ten pounds, then dim lighting must subtract at least 15. So if you really want to know what you’re getting into, make a date with a girl during daylight hours and take a good look at her in full sunlight. See if she still glows, or if she’s like a vampire and only wants to come out at night.
The way to a man’s heart isn’t just through his stomach. It can also be through his ears. Guys love accents – it doesn’t matter what kind. It can be a classy English accent, a southern drawl, or a New York accent straight from SNL’s “Coffee Talk.” An accent is mysterious, and as humans we are drawn to the atypical because it piques our interest. It doesn’t help that every accent is associated with something attractive. A French or Spanish accent is romantic, an Australian accent is sporty, and even the awful dropped-R of Boston has its legions of fans.
Girls don’t usually fake accents – they’d have to be pretty sick to do that routinely. However, girls do tend to exaggerate their natural accents because they know how intoxicating it can be. A girl from upstate New York will talk with a thick Brooklyn accent like a mobster from The Sopranos and guys will eat it up with a spoon. Just remember that a hot accent can make for great pillow talk, but it won’t make your girl any hotter lookswise.
A golden glow makes everyone look better. It makes you look healthier, thinner, and shows off your bone structure. As long as girls don’t overdo it like the “New Jersey Tan Mom,” a tan can be a real problem solver. Tanning evens out skin color which means under eye circles are gone, discoloration disappears and even acne is stopped dead in its tracks. Girls have been keen to this long before Paris Hilton popularized the spray tan – which means they’ve been fooling you guys for years.
The important thing to remember is that all that glitters isn’t gold. Tans fade, so that extra edge tanaholics have will diminish. Another downside is that the girls that hit the tanning beds will eventually have their looks taken away by UV damage. Moles and sunspots aren’t pretty. In the future, consider the pale girl. She might not be as hot, but at least you’ll know what you’re getting.
Lingerie is basically like Cosplay on sexual steroids. The “costume” transports men to another dimension. They focus on the outfit and forget about the girl wearing it. As long as the girl is dressed to the nines in satin, it’s easy to forget about her physical flaws. Lingerie is designed to get your motor going. The silky material is enticing, the lace is romantic, and the extra peek of skin is meant to tease men in the best possible way. What a lot of guys don’t realize, though, is that lingerie is also designed to hide body flaws. It’s hard to imagine, because there’s such little material to lingerie. But we swear it’s true. For example, many negligees now have padded underwire bras sewn in. So the bountiful bosom you are seeing is enhanced. Baby doll dress lingerie is meant to billow out underneath the breast in an A-line. This allows the garment to be wider and hide a thick waist and curvy hips. So the problem with lingerie is that the girl looks hot – until she takes it off!
9. Going Blonde
Ever wonder why George Clooney, the man who can get any woman, dates brunettes 99% of the time? It’s because he’s smart enough to know that girls often use blonde hair to compensate for looks that aren’t up to snuff. For some reason, we humans are conditioned to think that blonde is more beautiful. And it is – on the right girl. If you take a girl that is a “5” and dye her hair blonde, she’ll be transformed into a “7.” But the fact remains that her basic looks haven’t changed. She’ll still have a butterface and a big booty. She’ll still have buck teeth and a flat chest. She’ll still have cellulite and cankles. So choose your blondes carefully. Make sure you aren’t just reacting to blonde hair with a knee-jerk response of attraction. You want a girl with the whole package – not one that is quite literally trying to pull the wool over your eyes.
Sunglasses make a person look chic and sophisticated – even the dorky Ray Bans that hipsters wear. This is precisely why they are so dangerous. Girls wear them because they know that they will look better with them on. Some girls are so addicted to this trick that they wear sunglasses past sundown, and make it a point to wear them when they approach a new guy. So why do sunglasses work so well? It’s mainly because they cover most of one’s face. Everyone looks better when you can’t see half of their face!
Sunglasses hide off-centered eyes and sparse eyebrows. They also balance out other parts of the face, like wide cheeks or a Jay Leno-sized chin. A good rule of thumb is to pay careful attention to the size of the sunglasses a girl is wearing. The bigger they are, the more she has to hide. A good trick is to see if a girl is willing to take her sunglasses off once she’s in deep conversation with you. If she’s stuck to them like glue, that’s a very bad sign.
Bras are every girl’s best friend, and every man’s worst enemy. And we’re not talking about how hard they are to unfasten when you’re in the moment. We’re calling out bras because they are so deceitful. There is a bra to artificially enhance every pair of hooters out there. If a girl’s chest is flatter than a surfboard, she can buy a padded bra. If a girl’s gazungas hang past her navel, she can buy a support bra. If a girl’s boobies are parted wider than when Moses parted the Red Sea, she can buy a push-up bra for cleavage. There are even bras to minimize breast size and ones for women with mastectomies. A specialty bra is basically like Photoshopping for real life. Many a guy has reached in for a handful, only to be greeted by a ping-pong ball. What’s so ridiculous is that girls get away with this trickery! Girls would never tolerate a man who stuffed his jeans, but they think it’s totally permissible to walk around looking like Pamela Anderson, Jr. when in reality they are flat as a pancake.
Girls try to trick guys into thinking they’re hot by the hairstyles they wear. Some girls follow the trends, but the smart ones know that choosing a style is more about finding one that will hide her worst features. A girl with bangs is either a hipster or is trying to hide a prominent forehead or hideous birthmark. A girl with a strong jawline will wear her hair with layers toward her face to cover up her unfortunate bone structure. A girl with flowing hair like Rapunzel is trying to make you look at her long hair and less at her below average face. And a girl with big hair is only acceptable in Texas – if she’s in any other state then she is trying to distract you from everything from her tiny head to her wide hips.
Girls should get a break on this one, though, because guys do the same thing with their facial hair. They sport sideburns to hide acne scars, have a goatee to compensate for thinness on top, and will even grow a Fu Manchu moustache for laughs with the hopes that their hilarity will distract from less attractive features.
5. Downstairs Hairstyles
If you know what kind of downstairs hairstyle your girl has, then you’ve been intimate and probably like your girl a lot. Well, we’re prepared to ruin it for you. Let’s just say that we all know that what a girl has between her legs can be very enticing for a man – so much so that he may disregard her physical flaws. But familiarity breeds contempt, and we’re betting that once you’ve had the whole smorgasbord that you’ll start to be more picky. That’s when you’ll realize that her downstairs hairstyle had you fooled.
The full-on wax was just masking the fact that she is a total starfish. Or maybe the landing strip was to distract you from noticing how meaty she is down there. Or perhaps the bush made you nostalgic for a bygone era so that you didn’t realize that the rest of her body is covered in cellulite. Whatever the style, know that girls will trick you right down to the bitter end.
4. Strategic Friends
Girls try to trick guys into thinking they’re good looking by surrounding themselves with certain types of friends. There are two basic types of girls that use this method. The first is a girl who is average looking at best. She’s the one that makes sure to hang out with girls that are more pretty than she is, because she hopes some of their beauty will rub off on her by proxy. Sound crazy? Guys totally fall for this. When they are looking at a group of beauties, it can be difficult not to be stunned and awed.
The second type of girl is one who is acceptable looking, but wants to seem hot. So, she makes sure that she has her average looking friend tagging along at all times. By comparison, this type of girls seems H-O-T.
3. Optimal Clothing
Girls don’t just dress for success at work. They pick out their clothing carefully to maximize their hotness. They know their bodies intimately, and pick outfits that accentuate their best features. A girl with a good rack is forever wearing low-cut shirts. A girl with a plump booty will always favor skinny jeans. A girl that is pin-thin will wear a midriff all year long. While girls dress for their own self-confidence, and to show off to other girls, they also know how to dress for guys. Girls show up to bars in mini-dresses not because it’s comfortable, but because they know it’ll drive guys nutty. They wear backless shirts to grab men’s attention. And they even wear cute little plaid skirts to play into men’s whole schoolgirl fantasy.
There’s nothing wrong about girls playing up their best assets. Just make sure that you aren’t so distracted by what’s right that you don’t notice what’s wrong. A girl with large breasts might have big ones because she’s on the hefty side. A girl showing off how thin she is in leggings might be skin and bones underneath. As a guy, you’ll basically have to be a part of the fashion police to tell who’s legit and who should be under arrest.
Makeup is for girls what money is for guys. If you have a whole lot of it, you’ll be so hot that you sizzle. Makeup was invented for the sole purpose of making women more attractive. It literally does anything and everything. Foundation evens out skin tone. Eye shadow and mascara emphasizes the eyes. Lipstick makes lips look kissable. Blush gives a healthy glow. For a long time, those were the basics. But with the advent of the makeup tutorial on YouTube and other sites, makeup application has become an art. Girls can learn how to make their noses more narrow, how to add definition to a full face, and how to sculpt eyebrows into every shape.
It’s basically gotten to the point where girls can do so much with makeup that they might as well be wearing masks. Unless a girl sleeps in her makeup, she can scare her man worse than any horror movie when she goes au natural. The best way to tell if a girl is trying to fool you into thinking she’s hot is to take a good look at her face. If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is.
1. A Good Personality
There’s only one thing that can make a girl hotter than makeup – it’s a good personality. It’s a scientific fact that people who are warm, friendly and funny are judged to be better looking, and that others seek to be around them. Girls with good personalities draw men to them like bees to honey. Girls that can sweet talk you so good that you get a cavity will never be alone. Girls that make you laugh until you poop your pants always have scores of admirers. And girls that listen with a sympathetic ear just glisten from the inside out. No matter how hot a girl is, it’s useless if she had a bad personality. So having a good personality is a definite plus. When it becomes trickery is when girls are phony and only act like good people so that guys will like them more.
It usually goes down as follows. There are several girls that are all about equal in terms of looks, but the one that you find the most attractive is the most outgoing. You gravitate toward her. She’s smart and funny and asks how your day went. Then time goes on and she starts bossing you around, criticizing your friends and spending your money. Suddenly you realize you hate her – and that she’s not that hot after all. That’s when you start wondering what would’ve happened had you chosen one of her quieter friends.