Remember as a teenager when you would stare in disbelief at the grotesquely old 30 year old men and women, completely unaware that one day that would be you. Remember being in your early twenties, basking in the glory of becoming an adult, drinking and feeling like you could conquer the world. Remember when you were 25 and 30 still seemed like a lifetime away, a distant future with a no entry sign. Then, remember when you hit 28 and those next two years went by so fast, that before you knew it you had turned 30, and things were changing dramatically. Because that’s what happens. You turn 28, you blink and then you are suddenly one of those people that isn’t in their twenties anymore.
Turning 30 can be a different experience for everyone, either doing a number on you completely, flipping you upside down and forcing you to analyse your whole life, or simply just another decade, yet this time you don’t really have an excuse for when you mess up. It’s an age in which society has shoved upon you life goals and choices. Have you achieved what you wanted to achieve? Have you done what you are supposed to have done? Of all the milestones it is by far the most difficult, so much is expected of you, yet you don’t really understand what to expect. Problems that weren’t really seen as problems at 29 suddenly become much more of an issue; literally in a day your whole outlook on life is thrusted into the spotlight, for everyone to see, including yourself. But thankfully it is not the end of the world, and as well as bad, good things also come with it. So, to celebrate reaching that number that shan’t be named, here are 15 things that happen when you turn 30. They don’t call it dirty thirties for nothing.
15. Your Hangovers Become Unbearable
That’s right, we’ve all said it, after a night of heavy drinking and more than one tequila shot, ‘I’m never drinking again!’ we profess to anyone that’ll listen. However, this time that dreaded declaration actually has some merit, going at least another couple weeks until you decide tequila is actually a good idea again. Yet, two weeks is a long time, much more than it used to feel, with hangovers lasting a full two days if not three. Gone are the days when you could shower it off, have another drink or cook up a greasy breakfast to shake it off, at 30 you’ll be shivering in bed, trying not to throw up at the thoughts of what went on last night. In fact, there is an actual scientific reason to why your hangovers get worse with age, with doctors claiming that our bodies just can’t recover like they used to. How depressing.
14. Everything Suddenly Seems Really Old
Oh no! Remember the episode when Rachel turned 30 in Friends and you were about ten years old. She cried and cried and cried and you probably thought she was really dramatic, something you would never ever do obviously. Well guess what, now you are 30 and that Friends episode is considered a classic. With the older episodes of Friends looking as if they were made in the early 1930’s during the first wave of technicolor, everything else has seemingly aged along with it. From fashion, cars, to food and technology, even the internet wasn’t around when you were a kid, unless it was the one that made a huge noise that sounded like a group of aliens had landed in your backyard. With mobile phones turning into televisions for your pocket, and people catching Pokemon on the street, the world has turned into a dystopian nightmare, only available to the youth or at least to those under 30.
13. Vitamins Become A Daily Part Of Your Life
Whilst preparing a glass of ice cold water while you empty out the vitamin C and iron tablets that you are taking to boost your immunity, you suddenly find that you have entered into a routine of taking daily drugs to keep you on track and feeling good. With the drugs in question extremely different from that of what you may have taken in your early twenties, these vitamins and saucy supplements are designed to keep you fit and healthy with added vitamin A, or at least that’s what it says on the bottle. In fact, the older you get the more selective you get in your choices, treating yourself to some cod liver oil and calcium for those down and dreary days. With a bathroom cabinet full of the stuff, pushing out old toothbrushes and suspect materials from your twenties, you even feel a little proud at the amount you have on offer.
12. You Suddenly Start Going Home Earlier
Remember when you were in college and you could party for days on end without so much as a small siesta. Or in your mid twenties when the weekend was for gin and tonics and one night stands. Actually raising its ugly head in your late twenties but not yet taking over completely, tiredness and that sudden urge to go home suddenly begins to make an appearance. That’s right, when you find yourself checking your watch more, looking forward to getting home, or even making sure you can catch the last subway as to avoid the dreaded night bus, you realize that these issues didn’t exist in your twenties. With Netflix and chill literally meaning to chill out and watch a nice TV drama, getting home as early as possible is something that now becomes more of a mission than a mistreatment, with the idea of staying out all night more like a nightmare than an enjoyable experience. Plus with your hangovers now lasting three days instead of the standard one, it becomes incredibly not worth it. Oh did nobody tell you about that either?
11. Your Choice In Entertainment Changes
Yay! It’s Sunday and it’s the finale of Downton Abbey tonight. Plus you didn’t go out yesterday evening therefore you had time for a quick 10k run this morning, and now you are just finishing off a bit of planning for next week’s hectic work schedule. With television suddenly become a major part of your life, and binge watching Netflix dramas the highlight of your weekends, the prospect of going out on a Friday night has never looked so unappealing. From changing the style of music in your car to avoiding late night showings for a more modest afternoon slot, the entertainment industry has been surviving on 30 year old men and women for as long as can be remembered. Yet, that’s not to say your taste in movies has changed completely, you just find yourself with more of an uncontrollable urge for historical fiction than say when you were 21.
10. Friends Suddenly Start Having Children
You dealt with the fact that they were getting married a couple of years ago, but enough is enough when they start popping out children. That’s right, as soon as 30 hits, some people tend to panic, with children seemingly sprouting out of everything and everywhere. However, things suddenly start to get a little close to home and scary when your best friend, who you have known since you were 5 years old, announces they are going to have a baby, which suddenly forces you to remember that you are actually at a reasonable normal age to have a child. With marriage, babies and happy families swarming all around you, you instantly begin to think about having children after barely giving them a thought throughout your whole twenties. But don’t worry, nowadays the average age to start a family is 35, meaning you’ve still got 5 years of prolonging your twenties. Right?
9. You Can’t Eat Whatever You Want Anymore
Forget the kids, forget marriage – this is the most depressing. Gone are the days when you could tuck into 16,000 calories a day and barely gain a pound. Gone are the days when you could dine on a serious amount of food after a night of heavy drinking. Nowadays, you so much as look at a cheeseburger and you gain 40 pounds in weight and 80 ounces of cellulite within seconds. But don’t worry, embrace it, after all, scientists have proven that the older you get the harder it is to lose weight. So, rather than fighting a losing battle, and wasting time and energy in the gym, because you know that becomes more difficult the older you get too, you might as well just give in and eat that last big of cake, chocolate and 45 chicken legs.
8. Everyone’s Opinion Suddenly Becomes Irrelevant
As a teenager you were pent up and frustrated and as a twenty something you were likely still the same, yet people’s opinions stung and stupidly you listened. That’s right, as soon as you reach 30, everybody else’s opinions on you or the world tend not to matter, with the only opinion that really counts becomes yours. No longer do those idiots on social media wind you up the wrong way, and no longer do negative comments stick under your skin. In fact, you just don’t get offended anymore, and all those ridiculous people become so irrelevant to you, it becomes laughable at how much they used to piss you off. Finally you are now able to appreciate those real friends, in which you will also find have shrunk dramatically. No more wasting time on those work friends that you just have to put up with it, or those small acquaintances, with a friends cull a major part of moving forward and entering your thirties.
7. Everybody Is Really Young All Of A Sudden
Suddenly you realize that all the way through your twenties you weren’t the oracle that you claimed to be. In fact, you were a bit of an idiot, extremely obnoxious and made a huge amount of terrible decisions. Excusable it might be, but in your thirties you tend to calm down and reflect, in which you suddenly realize that everybody around you is instantly somehow a lot younger than you. With teenage trends confusing the hell out of you, and new apps near enough informing you that you are too old to use them, you find yourself even quoting what your parents used to say, ‘back in my day’. Not only that, you start to look upon young people as if they are a world away from you, referring to them as the youth and not understanding a word they say. Suddenly you feel quite grown up, and startlingly, it isn’t that bad. Promise.
6. You Feel It In Your Bones
Alright, you’re not over the hill just yet but your body has a sure insistence in telling you that you are on your way. With your joints clicking and your body popping in ways you didn’t think possible, new sounds and noises are a regular occurrence. Even getting up from the sofa can be a difficult experience, guaranteed to make a noise that you used to hear your parents making when you were a child. Yeah your body gets older and your skin begins to age, and sometimes even your back hurts. But it’s not as bad as it seems, in fact looking older can help you rather than hinder. Plus, that’s what all those vitamins are for right?
5. Exercise Is Not As Easy As It Used To Be
Remember those days when you could run for the bus without passing out, or easily pounce up a flight of stairs when you missed the elevator? Well those days are well and truly over, with sore legs, achy feet and rusty joints all helping you with your choice to just take the next bus or wait for the elevator. And that’s just normal every day activities, with the gym becoming more like a room of fiery hill, filled with gorgeous and active young people while you struggle to do more than a mile on the treadmill. However, with more and more options regarding exercise out there, there are fortunately more things to choose from. From spinning and pilates, to plain old walking, yoga has now become the 30 year man and woman’s best friend.
4. Hairs, Everywhere
When you were younger, grey hair seemed sexy, with the silver fox look so appealing, even Hollywood stars were rocking it. Heck, if George Clooney and Helen Mirren can pull it off, we all can right? Yet, as soon as we find that grey hair, hidden beneath a mass of an unkempt mane we suddenly decided no, it’s not cool and massively freak out. Yes, with grey hair somehow instantly becoming a problem of your thirties, it can sometimes mean the end of the world. And it’s not only grey hairs ruining your life either, other random hairs are suddenly appearing all over your body, in a single attempt to make you look as unappealing as possible. Oh and remember, if you pluck one, 3 more grow back in its place.
3. Your Face Becomes A Life Map
Not once were you bothered about wrinkles in your mid twenties, thinking they were only for the real elderly, whatever that was. However, you soon realize that you too aren’t that young anymore, with a face suddenly constructed like a map of your life. From forehead to chin, every direction is accounted for, with still a really long way to go for added lines. With wrinkles often attributed to the first sign of becoming an adult, there is unfortunately no denying them, therefore embrace those dastardly lines, plus they can be quite attractive, sometimes. So don’t worry, think of them as map of all your achievements, stresses, worries and positive outcomes, with the real wrinkles coming much later, you know, those ones that dent your face like an atlas.
2. You Start Planning
Remember those times when you were so care free and despised making plans. Going with the flow was your whole thing, no arranging, no organizing, whatever happened, ultimately happened. However, as soon as you turn 30 this all suddenly stops, as you suddenly develop super organisational skills that you never knew you had. Careful planning and scheduled night outs now become the norm, sometimes even writing a diary so you don’t forget. Going for meals suddenly take over from mad night outs, and with weekends becoming your holy grail and most important time of the week, you will find yourself even planning them in advance.
1. Life Gets Better
OK, so we may have made it sound horrifically awful, leaving the best time of your life behind and entering into a decade of sore limbs and weight gain. But, one thing for sure is that life will indeed become more straightforward. Gone will be the days of relationship game players, horrific one night stands and throwing up in public. Your love life will become simpler and you may even find one that sticks around. Sex becomes a million times better than it was, scrambling around in the dark with an instant shock of regret and drunkenness remorse. You finally start to earn a bit of money, not straight away but soon enough, in which you begin to splash out on hotel rooms that don’t consist of 30 other people. Cheap booze cruises become countryside retreats, and grown up things that originally made you feel sick suddenly start to look quite appealing – mortgages anyone? However, as much as turning 30 can be incredibly daunting and depressing, don’t worry, you only need to deal with it for another ten years until you have a whole new life crisis in turning 40.
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