Being intimate with another person is something that is on everyone’s mind. For many, it’s a thought that is constant throughout the day. Though to be fair, there are so many different kinds of intimate experiences to be had! Speaking from a woman’s perspective, doing the deed is a lot of the time something that I place a lot of value on. Although we are in 2016 and women and men are viewed as equals, there is no denying that in matters of the heart, men and women (in general) have their differences.
Generally speaking, women have intercourse for emotional reasons, while men have do it for physical reasons. Though make sure to tread lightly because making love is without a doubt something that tends to complicate situations. As women, we need to protect our hearts, and sometimes we make the wrong decisions when it comes to who we sleep with. The following list contains fifteen reasons why you shouldn’t sleep with someone. From personality traits, to who their friends are, everything is covered! I hope you men are ready for a reality check on what women don’t want in a partner.
Want to know if it’s a good idea to sleep with him? Want to know why she isn’t sleeping with you? Continue reading and your questions will most likely be answered!
15. He’s a Jerk
Listen up, ladies, if he is a jerk before you sleep with him, he’s going to be an even bigger jerk after you do. Sadly, as women, a lot of the time it just so happens that we are attracted to the assholes. However, if I have learned one thing in my dating experience, it’s that you can’t change anyone no matter how hard you try. So, if you are thinking of sleeping with that jerk to finally get him to realize he’s in love with you, please try and spare yourself the hard feelings.
The best way to enjoy being intimate with a jerk is to know what you are getting, which is probably just a good, albeit temporary time. As said by the legendary William Shakespeare, “Expectation is the root of all heartache,” so hopefully you can help brace yourself for the reality of the situation. Though sadly, it seems like it is the girl who gets hurt in this situation, not the guy.
14. He’s Using You
I hate to break it to you, but if you feel like a guy is using you, chances are he is. It is sad to say, but people (men in particular) have been known to “say the right thing” if it means getting in bed. The problem with this kind of guy is that they usually can’t walk the walk, even if they love to talk the talk. A lot of guys see intercourse as some sort of prize, and for some reason, if it is given to them too early, they don’t appreciate it as much. Although not all men are the same, women should learn to trust their gut. If you have a feeling that he just wants to do it, you are probably right. Being used, especially in this realm, has got to be one of the worst feelings ever and unfortunately it happens to almost every girl at least once. Learn from not only your mistakes but the mistakes your friends have made.
13. He Is In A Relationship
Why oh why would you want to get involved with a man who is already involved with another woman? I mean, the reality is that sleeping with a man who is involved can truly only lead to one thing, and that is drama. A lot of the time, humans (both men and women) want what they can’t have. This is why a woman will pursue a married or taken man. Secretly, women who sleep with unavailable men are hoping that these men will pick them over their significant other, which is not always the case. Chances are, sleeping with a married or taken man will just end up leaving you in heartache.
Avoid the trouble altogether and don’t go for guys who are emotionally and physically unavailable. You are only digging yourself into a grave if you do so. My advice? Just stay away, there is nothing good that can come out of being “the other woman.”
12. You’re In A Relationship
Same as sleeping with a man that is in a relationship, nothing but drama can come from cheating on your partner. The thing about infidelity is that most of the time – actually scratch that – all of the time, the truth comes out. You should never want to be intimate with someone when you are committed to someone else. People who do this are never satisfied and are always looking for the next best thing. Though the reality for a lot of these individuals is that they end up getting caught cheating and losing the best thing they ever had. One piece of advice for any cheaters reading this: the grass is rarely greener on the other side. If you are in a relationship that you don’t want to be in, leave! Don’t stick around to hurt and embarrass your partner. The only people who do that are cruel and cowardly people, and there is no excuse for being a cheater. Not to mention it is one of the most unappealing qualities any person can have. Good luck explaining that piece of relationship history to your next partner!
11. It’s Someone You Know’s Ex
Again, this can only lead to one thing: drama. Friends of ex’s and ex’s friends should just be off limits out of respect to the other members of the party. Most of the time, people sleep with ex’s friends or friends’ ex’s as a form of revenge. While this seems so cunning and brilliant, it is probably one of the dumbest things you can ever do because in the end you really are just hurting yourself. There are plenty of men in the world, why would you sleep with one that is associated with your ex? Unless you want drama or problems, there is no reason as to why you should be sleeping with a friend of an ex. People need to stop sleeping with inappropriate people just to start drama. Avoid the situation altogether and just don’t do it.
10. You See Them Often
There is nothing worse than having a “one night stand” with someone you see regularly. Whether it’s your boss, your best friend’s roommate or the guy who sells you your cigarettes every morning, sleeping with someone in your daily routine can really mess everything up. There is a certain line that is crossed when you sleep with someone who you can’t escape from. The only time it is not a horrible idea is if both parties involved are willing to keep their intimacy separate from their day to day meetings with one another. But even that is much easier said than done, so you really are just better off trying to find someone “new” to engage with.
Being intimate can already be awkward so adding in someone who you see on a daily can make it even more uncomfortable. Unless there are real feelings involved, just avoid it!
9. He Is Your Friend
Sleeping with a friend is something a lot of people have done and although at the beginning it may be the perfect scenario, someone always ends up getting hurt. Sleeping with a friend is only a good idea if you can see a potential relationship forming. Trust me when I say, it is not worth ruining a friendship to sleep with someone. If you are looking for a “friend with benefits” kind of relationship, it needs to be someone you aren’t really friends with. Ideally, it is someone that is more like an acquaintance that you have incredible physical chemistry with. When you sleep with a close friend, there is already a history there so chances are feelings will get involved, and as previously stated, someone is bound to be left heartbroken. Friends with benefits are great but you need to be smart when choosing one because sleeping with a close friend is rarely something that has a happy ending – the less you know about the person the better, put it that way.
8. You Love Him, He Doesn’t Love You
A lot of girls think that if they sleep with a guy, who has already declared he is not “available emotionally” to them, they will magically fall in love with them. Although that scenario may work in the movies, I can promise you in reality it only leads to a heartbroken girl. The only thing worse than falling for someone is falling for someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you, it really sucks. However, a lot of people have a hard time accepting that this person who they feel so strongly about, doesn’t feel the same way. A lot of the time it is more about ego than love, but either way, being rejected emotionally by someone you love can take a real hit on your personality. This is why you should never sleep with a man who you have feelings for unless they feel the same way about you. Most men and women view physical intercourse differently, and a lot of women link the act to emotions whereas men are capable of separating the two.
7. It’s Not The Right Time
Our generation is probably the least patient generation ever. Think about it, we have high speed everything, you can get anything in the world delivered to you at whatever time you wish and dating has now resorted to apps on a cell phone. It is safe to say that our generation is really not a fan of waiting for anything. However, in life, there are a lot of things you can’t force, and relationships are one of those things. When I say “not the right time” this is what it means. Let’s say you and a guy have a special relationship, however you know at this time in your life, nothing great will really come of it. When this happens you are better off not sleeping with him but continuing to build on the friendship. Sometimes timing is what ruins relationships, and forcing someone into something before they are ready can mess everything up. Maybe they’re too busy with work or school to handle the strains of a relationship. Everyone goes through life at different paces, so definitely remember that patience truly is a virtue.
6. You Know You Will Get Hurt
This is a good lesson that applies to everything in life: follow your instinct. If you are getting into a relationship with someone you just know is going to screw you over, why even go there? Are we as women that masochistic that we are willing to ignore our brains knowing we are going to get hurt? Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women who are able to have intercourse without the emotional ties, and there are plenty of men who do create connections through intercourse, however when generalizing it is pretty safe to say that men are able to have physical encounters without strings more so than women. At the end of the day, everyone, both men and women, should listen to their gut. If your gut tells you not to do something, listen to it, because 99.9% of the time your gut is telling you what you need to hear.
5. He Is Your Ex
We have all been there, rebound love making with an ex-boyfriend. However, is that ever a good idea? Not really… A lot of people give the typical “I needed to do it for closure” speech, but we all know that is never really why you had intercourse with your ex. When a woman is done, she is done with you, so if she is sleeping with you after you guys broke up, chances are she still has feelings for you. You need to remember the reasons why you and this person broke up. Although the act of intimacy may have been awesome, you need to grasp the fact that you guys are no longer together and move on, which being intimate will only make harder. Ex’s are off limits as regular guys you can “just sleep with” and they are probably the worst option to booty call. Trust me when I tell you, it is not worth getting hurt and reliving the breakup all over again.
4. He’s An Authority Figure
Although this is a fantasy for many women, sleeping with an authority figure can lead to a lot of problems. Perhaps it is the idea that it is “forbidden” or the fact that this man is in a way “in charge” of you. However, in reality, it can get really messy. No one ever likes staying someone’s secret, and while being a secret for a bit is one thing, staying a secret forever is something else. Men in authority positions who sleep with their staff or students know that they are in a higher position than you are, and most of the time these men have more to lose than the woman. Yes, it may sound really hot, but almost every time a situation like this escalates extremely quickly and most of the time it’s just not worth it.
3. He Is Friends With a Family Member
Out of all the guys you know, why do so many girls go for their family members’ friends knowing how complicated of a situation it will be? This is one of those circumstances where you shouldn’t get physically involved before knowing where both parties stand. It is an unwritten rule in the “bro code” that female relatives of friends are off limits. However, it happens quite often that physical tension blooms between you and, let’s say, your older brother’s friend. Before getting any ideas, you should know that these actions can lead to some tension between the two boys. Friends of family members should be off limits unless there are actual feelings involved. Situations like this can make for super uncomfortable moments for all parties involved. For the sake of everyone, just don’t sleep with your brother’s friends unless you want drama, because trust me when I say almost every situation like this ends in some sort of dramatic manner.
2. You Are Doing It Out Of Spite
I really never understood why some women think it is a good idea to sleep with someone out of spite for someone else. First off, that is childish and only makes you look bad. Second off…why? Why mix more emotions and get more people involved in your heartache? It is like putting salt on an open wound, you know you are only going to be hurting yourself in the end. People have taken such value out of the act of being physical that they have even resorted to using it as a tool of spite. Usually, these situations blow up in your face, so if you are sleeping with him to get a reaction out of someone else, just don’t do it. Life, love, and relationships are not about playing games and using tools to hurt one another. Don’t do anything to others you wouldn’t want to be done to yourself.
1. He Refuses To Use Protection
Okay, seriously ladies, all the other ones don’t matter half as much as this one does. If a man refuses to wear protection, there is zero reason to sleep with him. I can’t emphasize how important being safe during intercourse is. This is something that can truly alter your life forever, and if a man does not respect that then there is not a chance you can ever sleep with him. There is not only the getting pregnant aspect but there is the idea of STDs. Sexually transmitted diseases are a real thing and they happen to more people than you realize. There are so many kinds of STDs, the best way of preventing yourself from being exposed to them is by using protection. A lot of women think birth control is enough, but that only prevents pregnancies, birth control has nothing to do with STDs. No man is ever worth getting a disease over, especially if they are simply refusing to wear protection. That is a telling sign that you are about to sleep with a selfish little boy.
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