The male species is known for being bigger, stronger and meaner. It’s also known for being stinky, ugly and gross. But men embrace these things. They have farting contests. They belch loudly. They pee in public. To put it mildly, they have no shame. And why not? Society encourages it.
Audiences laughed when Jeff Daniels had explosive diarrhea in the movie Dumb & Dumber. Baseball players are routinely filmed scratching themselves in public. And the internet is filled with pictures and video of men showing off their poop.
In contrast, girls are put on a pedestal and are expected to be ladylike at all times. Remember when Fergie was filmed having peed in her pants at a concert and was relentlessly ridiculed? And what about Christina Aguilera’s self-tanning incident when something (tanner? blood? excrement?) was running down her legs? The media had a field day – and it wasn’t pretty. The fact of the matter is that girls do lots of gross things. It’s just that they go to extreme lengths to hide any unpleasantness.
Some things are no-brainers, like spraying air freshener after using the bathroom or discreetly blowing one’s nose. But there is a whole list of GROSS things that girls do that they will never admit to. One you read this article, you will never view girls the same way again!
15. They Look In The Toilet
Everyone looks in the toilet – so stop being judgmental. But girls do it for different reasons than guys. Guys do it to see what came out of their rear ends, but girls are more interested in the front. Cloudy urine can be a sign of a urinary tract infection. Seeing blood can be a relief when a girl is nervous about getting her period. Analyzing used tampons can tell a girl how much longer she can expect her cycle to last. And then there’s always the chance a toilet baby can come out – just watch any episode of “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.”
Girls also love to use the toilet as their own personal garbage can. They flush tons of trash down the toilet until it finally overflows – and that’s where the treasure hunt begins. All sorts of things pop up, including cotton balls, Q-tips and press-on nails. And who gets the honor of unclogging the toilet? The men in their life (of course)! Meanwhile, girls will holler when a guy leaves the toilet seat up. Go figure.
14. They Wash Their Hair Infrequently
Celebrities like Jessica Simpson and Ginnifer Goodwyn let out a dirty little secret girls have kept for ages: girls don’t wash their hair frequently. Many girls only wash their hair once a week – if that. Men often don’t notice because the skilled girls are careful to cover up with dry shampoo and avoid activities that make them sweat which leads to greasy hair. This means that their hair looks perfectly fine – even beautiful. They do it because it’s less work, and it’s healthier for their locks. However, the problem is with their scalps. While their hair may seem clean, their scalps are oily. If they scratch hard enough, they will get a whole bunch of “scalp cheese” under their fingernails. Just lovely. But that’s the price of beauty.
Many girls are shying away from shampoo altogether, and are just using conditioner. They want to avoid lather in order to preserve natural oils and keep their hair color brilliant. Some women even skip the conditioner and rinse their hair with home remedies like vinegar. So now vinegar has another use for women. Not only do they cook with it and use it to douche, they can clean themselves with it, too.
13. They Eat From The Bottom Of Their Purses
Girls’ purses are mystery bags. You never can tell what’s in there. Some girls carry around toothbrushes, staplers, hair gel and even contraceptives. But one of the most common things they tote has got to be food. It’s usually the typical stuff: gum, candy, nuts, medicine. The problem is, this food stays in there for-ev-er. And girls just don’t care. They’ll eat a candy bar that’s squished to the bottom of the purse or munch on rock-hard raisins. They’ll take medicine that is out of date. They’ll even offer you a stick of gum with the wrapper falling off. To them, a purse is like a fridge and nothing in it has an expiration date. The only time this habit comes in handy is when you take them to the movies. Their purses are so big that they can stash a six-pack of Coke, a bag of Twizzlers and a box of Milk Duds. No more paying high prices at the concession stand! Talk about a cheap date. Just make sure that when she offers you a Milk Dud six months after you saw the movie that you decline. Better to piss her off than risk breaking a tooth.
12. They Intentionally Put Off Landscaping
Landscaping south of the border has been the norm for years and years. But some girls neglect that area on purpose. It isn’t just because they are afraid of the pain of waxing or are too lazy to trim. Some girls deliberately let their hair-down-there grow to discourage them from having sex. The reasoning is that they will be too embarrassed to sport a bush, and therefore won’t hook up with a guy. Most girls that do this are trying to avoid random hook-ups by slut-shaming themselves.
Other girls want to look different, so they let things go au naturel down there. This fashion style is making a come-back. Since hipster guys are allowed to sport beards, girls feel like it’s their right to let things grow wild down there. And why not? Wouldn’t this even things out a little? There is also a practical reason for letting their downstairs hairs grow. Leggings are very popular these days, but they can leave little to the imagination. Thus, girls will avoid landscaping down there to have some extra padding. This alleviates the problems of having the dreaded camel toe.
11. They Don’t Wash Their Bras
A bra from Victoria’s Secret costs about $50, and they are usually hand wash only. So, it’s no surprise that girls don’t wash their bras. They don’t want the bother of hand washing lingerie, but at the same time they are fearful to put it in the washing machine and dryer because it’ll get worn out too quickly. Since girls want to get their money’s worth, they just keep wearing and wearing the same bra. They even keep it in the same draw with the clean ones. Once the bra gets nasty, they still won’t wash it – that’s what Febreeze is for!
Girls that do wash their bras are still disgusting, though. When they hand wash their bras they do it in the bathroom sink. The problem is that they don’t clean the sink first. So they wash their bras in a basin that has residue from toothpaste, foodstuffs and tweezing. That’s not exactly what we call clean. Then, girls hang their still-dirty underthings in the shower to dry. There’s something unholy about bras and panties hanging out in a shower stall.
10. They Try On Sample Cosmetics
Girls love makeup. It’s what makes them girls. But walk them into a beauty store, and they immediately start trying on makeup. Gross makeup. Like lipsticks that are worn down to a nub because dozens of other girls have swatched it on their wrists or smeared it all over their lips. Girls often don’t even bother to wipe off the lipstick (not that it would help remove many germs). And the stores encourage this, by offering the samples and having consultants available for mini-makeovers. It’s amazing there hasn’t been a worldwide outbreak of cold sores. Now when you kiss your girl, you’ll wonder where her mouth has been. Some stores even provide girls with free samples to take home that come straight from the open containers at the stores. So, girls can continue to apply and re-apply creams, lotions and lip glosses that have been sitting out on the counter for all the world to use. Girls justify this by telling themselves that they want to try the product out before they commit to making a purchase. This excuse doesn’t hold water. Many retailers will allow you to try and return cosmetics you don’t like.
9. They Pick Their Faces
Ever wonder why girls spend so much time in the bathroom before bed? It only takes so long to wash one’s face and brush one’s teeth. Most every night, girls pick their faces before bed. They pop zits and extract blackheads. Think of it as a daily “spring cleaning.” And it isn’t just on their faces. Girls are obsessed with removing every growth from their bodies. They pick their shoulders to remove “backne,” they scratch out blackheads from their ears and they even pick at pimples on their butts. And let’s not forget about digging out ingrown pubic hairs. If you have a girl that is particularly dedicated to this art, you know who you are because she will chase you around the house until you let her pick you like a monkey. It’s instinct, man! She may even try to con you into starting a whole beauty regime. Many a girl treats her man like a living doll. She’ll exfoliate you, make you use wrinkle cream, and tweeze your eyebrows. Once she starts asking you to let her do your makeup, you know it’s time to run.
8. They Don’t Shower
Men have to shower because they stink from head to toe. Most men need to take at least two showers a day. But girls don’t get as smelly that quickly, so they can get away with washing less. Even Marilyn Monroe was notorious for not bathing. Girls will skip the full shower in favor of a “bird bath shower.” But she’ll never let you know because then you’ll think she’s “dirty” – and not in a good way. Girls tend to take a full-on shower once a week. Many girls will wash the essentials every day, so men are none the wiser because girls won’t reek – and if they do, they can easily cover it up with perfume. Nevertheless, there’s something unsettling about knowing that girls’ arms, torsos and legs don’t see a good cleaning but once every seven days.
Women’s magazines support this sort of thing, as they are constantly publishing articles on shortcuts to self-hygiene. They advise women to use baby wipes to clean their private parts, to only rinse their faces with water in the morning because they claim one’s face can’t get very dirty overnight, and to let their cuticles grow for the health of their nails.
7. They Clean Up Before Backdoor Business
Girls always want to be clean before sex, and this is doubly true for when they do the backdoor deed. Each girl has her own patented ritual or “spa treatment.” It usually starts with eating right, and taking regular laxatives. Then of course there’s soap and water. But the human body is gross, and girls have to tidy up back there or face major santorum which no partner desires. The term is “anal hygiene” and we’ll leave it at that. Except to add that girls also have to clean up after the deed, too.
It’s especially important that girls hop in the shower after getting some action. We know it’s tempting to want to lie in bed and go to sleep, but a lot of disgusting things can happen when girls don’t wash afterwards. The sheets can get ruined or the “love smell” can linger. But the most disgusting thing has got to be when girls get crusty “down there.” You won’t want any a.m. loving the next morning when that happens. It’s more of a deal breaker than bad breath.
6. They Don’t Shave Often
Shaving is one thing men do way more than women. But if you pay attention to TV commercials, you’d think that women were religious about it since there’s a plethora of ads for razor blades, shave creams, and bikini bump lotions. Girls have a saying that they only shave their legs before a date. And what girls won’t tell men is that they usually only shave from the ankle to knee. Their thighs can get mighty fuzzy – at least in the winter. Girls also skimp on shaving their underarms. If you’re grossed out by that, just think about how many women in European countries often don’t shave their underarms.
It’s amazing, but women even neglect removing hairs on their face. It’s not too bad when a girl goes a week or two without tweezing her eyebrows, but it’s super gross when girls have facial hair. Some sport sideburns, some have moustaches, and some have very prominent chin hairs. The girls that let this stuff go are either nearsighted or have just given up on life.
5. They Undergo Crazy Cosmetic Surgeries
Girls go under the knife to enhance their looks so often that it’s kinda lost its taboo. However, some procedures are so personal that girls will never admit to them. One of the most popular is anal bleaching. Generally the skin around the sphincter (not the sphincter itself) is lightened. This trend was popularized by Brazilians and adult film stars. Another cosmetic surgery is labiaplasty – again, that’s thanks to the adult entertainment business. In this procedure, the downstairs lady bits are shortened. Adult film star Houston was one of the first to talk about having this surgery done, and she even sold the removed tissue online. What’s most disgusting, though, is when cosmetic surgeries go wrong. Women end up looking way worse than they did before. A ruptured breast implant can make a breast look like it’s melting. Overdone liposuction can mimic skin that has been attacked by the flesh eating virus. And bad facelifts can leave women leaking from every orifice. Once the damage is done, it’s almost impossible to fix.
4. They Self-Pleasure With Household Items
Remember Jason Biggs going at it with an apple pie? Well, there’s a female equivalent to this. When girls are first exploring their bodies, they use phallic-shaped items. A cucumber is what comes to most people’s minds, but girls use anything they can get their hands on. Just how men see something and will think, “I’d like to put my member in it,” girls will think, “I’d like to put that in me.” Girls often start out with something small. Then, their curiosity gets the better of them and they want to see if bigger is better.
There are plenty of horror stories about exploration gone wrong. Urban legend will have you believe that bananas have gotten lost, that carrots have gotten stuck and that pelvic bones have been fractured. We’re pretty sure none of this is true, but how can we know? When girls do disgusting things, they never own up to it. But can you really blame them?
3. They Sniff Underwear
Men sniff panties, and girls sniff men’s tighty-whities and boxer shorts. The element of body odor does the same thing to women as it does to men: it provides arousal by boosting mood. This is because the body releases pheromones which are found in bodily fluids, and underwear is in a prime position to soak it all up. If a girl catches a whiff enough times, the result is kind of Pavlovian. Just like how Pavlov’s dog associated the ringing of a bell with dinner and its mouth began to water, smelling pheromones from B.O. can provide a positive association between man scent and happiness. Think of it as a sexy adult scratch and sniff. Alyssa Milano even confessed that she liked to sniff then-boyfriend Scott Wolf’s, undies. She said she liked it best when they were a little dirty. She ended up calling off their engagement, so we wonder if his boxers got a little too rank for her tastes. Milano has been known to be a little kinky, so we also wonder if she encourages her current husband to raid her panty drawer. Who knows what she’s into now?
2. They Have Tampon Issues
Most women prefer tampons to pads because they consider it cleaner. While this may be the case, this sort of feminine product has its disadvantages. For example, sometimes they aren’t strong enough and women will double-up. Girls will also sometimes forget they have one in. Then, after a night of hard partying, they will go all the way with a tampon in. The aftermath of this is extra-gross because then they have to remove the foreign body from their nether-regions. There isn’t any place for it to get lost (contrary to urban legend), but sometimes girls feel like they need the jaws of life to remove one.
Tampons can also be too absorbent. They are convenient when girls want to go for a dip in the pool, but that means that the product absorbs the pool water. This is super gross for any girl that frequents public pools! They are breeding grounds for every type of germ imaginable, to say nothing of the urine content in public pools. It seems like grandma may have been right when she said that young ladies shouldn’t go swimming during their monthly cycle.
1. They Improvise Feminine Hygiene Products
One thing that will always separate men and women is menstruation. Women deal with this little inconvenience every 28 days. So one would think they’d be prepared, right? Wrong. They often find themselves without the necessary equipment, and have to improvise. The most common thing they will do is wad up a bunch of toilet paper and stick it in their undies. But if they need something more absorbent, they will get creative and use a sock or even some cotton balls. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Other girls are just plain cheap and don’t like paying $8 a box for name brand tampons. So, they come up with unique ways to make their own, like rolling up soft baby booties or using Styrofoam cups. There are actually DIY videos on this stuff!
Homemade feminine products are never leak-proof, so girls also have to improvise ways to wash their stained panties. Sometimes running them under cold water just won’t do the trick. So girls are often left standing at the sink trying to rub out the marks – this literally leaves them channeling Lady MacBeth as they get blood on their hands. Out damn spot, out I say!