There are some guys out there who seem to have mastered the dating world. They might not even be the most physically attractive guys, either. They just have a confident but cool attitude and seem to show genuine interest in the woman they’re attempting to court.
Then there are guys who, as attractive as they may be, can’t seem to get any luck with the ladies. That’s because when it comes to picking up women, these guys use the strangest of tactics. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget that life doesn’t go the way that movies or dating advice books do. Here are some of the absolute worst ways to pick up women that you should avoid at all costs.
15. Declaring Your Feelings On Social Media
Social media can be a great way to meet new people or catch up with old friends. Depending on how it’s used, social media can spark a connection between two people and eventually lead to a date or even a relationship. But, it can also create some awkward situations. For example, “poking” a woman you barely know on Facebook is creepy and immature (and will probably get you blocked). How the “poke” function managed to survive all of the Facebook updates throughout the years is a mystery. Ever heard of chat? Speaking of which, there are also some guidelines to follow when using chat. The first rule is to never use it when you’re drunk. Another thing you shouldn’t do when you’re drunk is scroll through her photos. If you manage to hit the “like” button on her photo from five years ago, consider yourself to be labeled as the official Facebook stalker in her books.
14. Pretending To Be Someone You’re Not
It may be a cliche, but “be yourself” is one of the wisest pieces of advice you can receive. When a woman meets you for the first time, she really wants to meet you. She wants to know about your interests, your personality and your experiences. You might be tempted to lie or pretend that you’re interested in something just to impress her, but eventually, she’ll find out the truth. Knowing that you lied only makes things worse. By being yourself, she might fall for the quirks in your personality or the uniqueness of your beliefs. Besides, do you really want a woman who’s attracted to a fake version of yourself?
13. Being Too Bold
Women like bold. But there’s a fine line between bold and creepy/arrogant/aggressive. It’s refreshing for women to have a confident guy walk up to them and strike a conversation. Boldness demonstrates qualities that women want: confidence, decisiveness and strength. However, there’s a line that some guys cross, without realizing it, where boldness suddenly becomes a bad thing. No woman, upon first meeting you (or even after meeting you a few times) wants to hear about your plans to impregnate her or marry her. They also do not want to hear about how amazing you are the entire time you’re together.
12. Not Being Bold Enough
On the other hand, not being bold enough can also be problematic. So, striking a balance between the two is the key to picking up women. Displaying your insecurities and being extremely shy can be a turn off to many. Women want someone who is mature enough to be confident with who they are, so that they can carry on a healthy relationship. So, don’t point out all your flaws or announce that you suck at dating the first time you meet a woman. Nothing will kill her motivation or interest in you faster.
11. Comparing Her To Your Exes
Comparing a woman (that you just met) to your ex is a disastrous idea, even if you’re complimenting her by saying that she’s somehow better than your ex. The fact that you’re even talking about your ex is a sign to women that your ex is still on your mind, and that alone is offensive. Let’s break it down; if you have a beautiful woman standing in front of you right now, your attention should be on her alone, not on the woman of your past. Not only is it offensive, but talking about your ex shows women that you might hold grudges, come with baggage or still have feelings for your ex and none of those things are attractive.
10. Talking About Yourself Too Much
If you’re trying to pick up a woman, show some interest in her! Ask about her likes and dislikes, what she does for a living and so on. It’s easy to get caught up and feel that you have to “sell yourself” when you first meet someone. But, if you talk about yourself too much, especially if the majority of it is bragging, she will most likely think that you’re self-centered and become bored. Instead, you should focus on being in the moment, ask questions and have a conversation rather than present a monologue. This will give you a better shot at spending more time with her so that you could gradually share more about yourself.
9. Using Pick-Up Lines
From the corny, “Did it hurt when you fell from the sky?”, to the clever, “I lost my phone number, can I have yours?” and the downright creepy, “Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants”, women have heard them all.
Pick-up lines will never work on a woman who is worth having. If you want someone that requires little effort, drop a pick-up line (because it, too, requires little effort). A real woman will want a real conversation, not a superficial tactic. Pick-up lines are overdone to the point that they will have women rolling their eyes at you. They are literally the subject of sleepovers or phone conversations that girls have when they need a good laugh. Using pick-up lines, to a woman, is a sign that you’re putting on a façade. Even if you’re smart enough to come up with a pick-up line that isn’t absolutely lame and isn’t found online, she’ll just think you’re that good because you’re a player.
It’s great to be open and share your deepest emotions and life story with the one you love. But, it’s a major turn-off to do this with people you’ve just met, especially if it’s a woman you’re trying to pick up. You may leave her wondering if she just came from a therapy session. Sometimes, a little mystery goes a long way. If you purge everything the first time you meet a woman, they’ll think that there’s no use in having another conversation with you since you just spilled everything. Leave the door open for her to ask questions and find out more about you. If, however, the conversation naturally leads to deeper sharing, then going along with it could lead to a special connection.
7. Ignoring Her Body Language
Being able to read a woman’s body language is very important if you’re interested in her. Women will give off all sorts of signals (both intentionally and unintentionally) through their facial expressions, the way they look at you, the way their body is positioned and more. These signals are meant to be a guide for you to know how much to talk, whether to go in for a kiss or whether you should back off. If you go with the flow and follow her signals, instead of ignoring them, she’ll be a lot more comfortable being around you.
If you try too hard to act manly by belittling other men, walking around with your chest puffed out or going above your means financially, it can definitely backfire. Most women can see right through this and realize that you may be trying to cover up for something. And they would be right for thinking this, since studies show that men do indeed overcompensate when their masculinity is threatened. You may also end up looking pretty foolish if, for example, you’re trying to impress her by taking her to the fanciest restaurant in town but your credit card gets declined.
5. Focusing On Her Looks Alone
There’s more to a beautiful woman than just her face and her body, so show her that you’re aware of this. Complimenting a woman excessively on her looks or staring at her will just make her uncomfortable and she’ll think that you’re a creep. Let’s face it, beautiful women probably get complimented on their looks so much that they wonder if people notice their other qualities. It’s refreshing to a woman to be complimented on something that isn’t run-of-the-mill. It’s okay to drop a compliment or two about her looks but if you compliment her personality or let her know you enjoyed your conversation with her, there’s a better chance of her talking to you again.
4. Drinking Too Much
Most guys have a few drinks to loosen up so that they could talk to women with ease. But be careful, because if you go overboard and start slurring and acting like a slob, you’ll just turn women off completely. Drinking too much impairs your judgment and if you’re attempting to pick up girls, you want to make sure that you’re in control of yourself.
3. Wearing Too Much Cologne
Women love the smell of cologne, but only when it’s a spray or two, not the entire bottle. This can make you seem like you’re trying too hard or covering up some really bad body odor. It can be really off-putting and may even give some women a headache, literally. Remember, when it comes to cologne, less is definitely more. In fact, your natural body odor (assuming that you at least took a shower) is probably more attractive than too much of the artificial stuff. That’s because your natural body odor is influenced by molecules called Major Histocompatability Complex (MHC) which are linked to the immune system. Women are attracted to men whose MHC genes are different from theirs, as this results in offspring with a genetic advantage. Furthermore, men (and women) produce pheromones, which trigger sexual responses and are actually found in some colognes.
Women are not animals, so there’s no need to whistle at them. There’s also no need to holler at them from across the street. Do you really expect them to run across the street to you? Most women ignore guys who catcall at them, mainly because there’s a stereotype that men who catcall are either ex-convicts or perverts (or both)! In fact, catcalling is a form of street harassment and could get you into trouble. So, be a normal human being and simply walk up to her and talk to her respectfully. You’re more likely to receive a positive response.
1. Invading Her Personal Space
If you’re trying to pick up a woman, you don’t want her to think you’re a pervert or that you don’t respect her. So, you should be mindful of her personal space. This means that you shouldn’t stand too close to her unless she invites you to or she moves towards you. If she leans away or looks away, it means you’re violating her personal space and making her uncomfortable. According to psychologists, there are four zones that make up the space around us. The personal zone is from 18 inches to 4 feet, and is for those people you are getting to know. When someone violates our personal space, the part of our brain responsible for the fear response (the amygdala) becomes activated. If you stay within the guidelines, you should be safe. Of course, you should pay attention to the cues and know that if things are going exceptionally well, it may be okay to slowly get closer to her.