Being a newlywed comes with a lot of powerful emotions; excitement, nervousness, fear, and brooding over the decision to get married that will alter your life forever. People are so excited about the wedding and being a Mrs. or Mr. that they do not realize how different everything is about to become. You are not only thinking for yourself anymore, you have a spouse who relies on you just as much as you will eventually rely on them.
Getting married changes more than your dynamic and how you choose to function in your daily life. It also changes how you communicate and perceive everything that you experience. Unfortunately, newlywed life is not as exciting and simple as it looks. In fact, it could end up being one of the most challenging years of your life. Not only are you joining your life with someone else’s, you are in a way giving up a small part of who you are in order to fit someone else in. What sucks most about newlywed life is that no one tells you how extremely difficult it is or even forewarns you about a few of the common changes that you will have to adjust to.
Of course, newlywed life is not all bad; you get to live with your best friend, spend quality time together and shut the world out if you choose to. Also, keep in mind that not all newlyweds experience the same things and truthfully it depends a lot on how you interact with one another before you take the big step. That being said, there are a few common problems that need to be mentioned; here is your official forewarning about newlywed problems.
12. The Living Situation
Yay! You are officially married and he picks you up, walks you across that threshold (if people still do that) and that is just about the best time you have ever had in that house together so far. All of a sudden you realize that living with your spouse is a major adjustment. You do not automatically live in harmony and everything is not perfect, well, not unless you were living together beforehand. You find that she is messy and never cleans up after herself or he has horrible hygiene habits like using the washroom with the door open or eating in front of the TV, shoveling food down his throat like a maniac. Realize it takes time to get used to each other, and the best thing to do is communicate what problems you have together.
11. The Fighting
After the high of the wedding wears off, let’s say after about two to three weeks you begin to settle back into a normal life however, you realize that small things have changed like how you speak to one another, your morning routine, the way you cook and of course the way you fight. An argument is not just an argument anymore, since so much is at stake and you cannot just walk away, forget about it then meet up days later and act like nothing has happened. Unfortunately, now you live together and are tied together by marriage. Avoiding resolving a fight will only make it linger because you share living quarters and since there is nowhere to hide, it will just lead to a lot of side glances and awkward run-ins.
10. There Is No Happily Ever After
People do not seem to realize that everything before the marriage is nothing compared to after the wedding. That “happily ever after” is very hard to achieve (if you achieve it at all), most people do not make it to that point and truth be told marriage is always a work in progress. It takes effort and persistence, there will always be a disagreement, kids will get in the way of your intimacy and quality time, and family members will always have something to say whether it is positive or negative. However, living happily ever after depends on your standards of what happiness entails; if happiness to you is sitting on the couch at the end of a long day enjoying a drink with your spouse then you’re on the right path.
9. Your Spouse Always Comes First, Or Else
News Flash; your friends are no longer your go-to support system, your spouse is. Did you have a bad day? Call your spouse. Did you get fired? Call your spouse. Are you mad at your spouse? Call your spouse. People have a tendency to confide in their friends more than they confide in their significant other and while it is great to have friends to talk to and shoot the s*** with, it is even better to make sure that you communicate your problems with your spouse before friends, especially if it effects them and the life you are building together.
8. It Is Stressful
Marriage is no walk in the park; in fact, it is probably one of the most stressful things you will ever deal with. As a newlywed, there are several new challenges that you will face and not all of them will be exciting. Some of the common stresses that are put on newlyweds usually deal with money, sex, living quarters and how to navigate your new life as husband and wife. Even the simplest of problems like what to have for dinner can be stressful to some newlyweds, especially those who did not live together before marriage. Pre-marital counseling is a big help for people who are engaged, especially with all the new changes they will be dealing with.
So far you have not been used to pooling your dollars together and making financial decisions together. Reality has not set in and you cannot buy anything extravagant for yourself unless you discuss it with your spouse. How does that make sense? You worked for it so why can’t you spend it the way you would like to? Money is always an awkward topic in relationships, it does not matter how long you have been married for and being a newlywed means it hits you harder. Avoiding the money talk altogether is not a good solution either, though. Being a newlywed is about embracing things that may not be ideal to have to deal with, so bite the bullet.
6. The In-Laws
Ugh, the dreaded in-laws. Most people actually get along pretty well with their in-laws and some even like hanging out regularly with them. It is kind of a tossup what your in-laws will be like AFTER you get married. Sometimes you can get a raw deal and have the type of in-laws who come over unannounced way too much (usually because they live down the street or come from far away and want to sleep over for days) or you can have the in-laws who have their own lives and only pop up on holidays. Too much or too little of the in-laws in the first year of marriage can cause a little bit of stress, they either want too much attention or cannot stand your spouse and want as little contact as possible. Then again, they can just be happy that they finally have their home to themselves again.
5. You Are Not Having As Much “Fun Time” As You Think
After the exciting rush of the wedding preparation, the pre-wedding parties and the actual wedding day, the honeymoon (if you can afford one after all the expenses) life just goes back to normal. However, there is one thing that you both look forward to: all the amazing sex you will be having, only, that amazing feeling of “I want to have sex everyday because I love you so much” wears off after about the first month or so. Life quickly gets in the way, especially without a honeymoon and being forced to go back to work right away. Sometimes our routines can be our worst enemies, so remember to keep things spiced up to maintain a good sex life.
4. To Baby Or Not To Baby
Some couples want to start making babies right away; it is their whole reason behind tying the knot and having sex. Sometimes, the pressure does not come from one another but from annoying outside influences like family, friends, co-workers, and just about everybody else who knows you are a newlywed. Unfortunately, some people seem to forget that unless you had the kids before you were married and have already experienced a life together with kids, it is not the best idea to have kids in the first year of marriage and according to recent studies it is recommended that no couple have children within the first five years of marriage. Instead, that time should be spent getting to know one another but then again, this all depends on where you are in life when you get married.
3. Loosing Friends
Just like with the spouse comes first rule, there is also a tiny rule about friends and the longevity of your friendships. Newlyweds tend to slowly disappear from their social circles after a few months of being married. It is not intentional but being a spouse is hard work. Roll that together with working (most likely long or awkward hours; right millennials?) and being frowned upon if you decide to go to the club with your single and highly influential friends. Usually couples just want to spend time with one another and it can become increasingly awkward (and not to mention lonely) when your spouse prefers to hang out with their friends rather than you. One way to combat this is trying to find other coupled friends the two of you can hangout with.
2. Annoying Quirks
Chances are you were not living with your spouse before you got hitched and now that you have moved in together you are quickly realizing that you hate their habits. They leave their clothes lying around, they snore, clip their toe nails on the center table, or refuse to use a coaster; the list could go on and on. Those annoying quirks are officially a part of your everyday life. Yeah, you could bring them up every time they do it but that would eventually lead to fighting, maybe resentment and no sex. Your best bet is to excuse yourself to another room away from the annoyance, or calmly talk it over without starting a fight.
1. Gender Roles
Gender roles unfortunately play a big part in a marriage. There is no such thing as “things falling into place” when it comes to gender roles, especially with the current generation of newlyweds. There is a greater chance of the male not being the bread winner and an even greater chance of the female not being a housewife. A conversation needs to take place about who you are, what you expect from your marriage (preferably before you tie the knot) and you never know, the both of you might be surprised about the roles that the other wants to take. We currently live in a society that somewhat frowns upon the typical gender roles so do not be afraid to say you want to be a househusband or a career woman.