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10 Pick Up Lines That Will Impress Your Friends, But Not Her

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10 Pick Up Lines That Will Impress Your Friends, But Not Her

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What’s your sign? Are you from around here? Come here often?

Yes, these are bad pick up lines that have been around forever, but there are much, much worse. We have the 10 worst pick up lines of all time.

Granted, a humor-filled “cheesy” line has its place and may even work, but some go too far. We’re not talking too funny, but rather offensive, disgusting or just plain cringe-worthy. There is also a category for lame. A few examples: “Do you have a Band-Aid? I scraped my knees falling for you.” How about “You seem like the type of girl that has heard every line. So what’s one more?” Just say no!

Some that just missed the list include “I’ve lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you instead?” and also motioning to come hither with your hand and following it up with “I just wanted to see if I could make you come with one finger.” These are bad, very bad, but still didn’t make the list. One that also didn’t make the list: “My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t keep it in.” Yeah, buckle up, it’s going to be an entertaining ride … here are possibly the 10 worst pick up lines of all time:

10. “Remember me? Oh, that’s right; I’ve met you only in my dreams”

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Real subtle, pal … if she doesn’t run immediately it’s likely because she’s looking for something. No, she’s not digging for something in her purse, either; she’s looking for her mace. If “where’s my mace?” isn’t the first thing she’s thinking then it’s probably “how many times this evening has this guy tried this line?” Don’t open with this line, in fact, good rule of thumb is steer away from anything regarding picturing the girl in your dreams for at least two weeks, maybe two years. The flip side of this is of course, what if you did have a girl of your dreams and then you actually met her? That would be a bummer, because this line would totally fit and you would still get a face full of mace.

9. “Do you like pancakes? Well how about IHOP on that a**?”

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Well, I hope you can duck quickly because she may take a swing at you and if she connects, she may whip your ass. This one is assumes you don’t know the person you are trying to pick up. It also assumes you really like asses, and possibly pancakes. Unfortunate collateral damage of this line is the bad publicity it gives the IHOP pancake house. What did they do to get pulled into this? Why not Denny’s or the Waffle House? Poor IHOP, always the butt of all the jokes… Whoops, did it again, what is it with IHOP and asses?

8. “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past again?”

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Confidence is sexy, but too much confidence is arrogance and that is typically not associated with being sexy. The guy using this line wears cardigan sweaters (when he’s not carrying them), has more than 10 belts and spends too much time in the gym, especially given his body doesn’t look that good. He also has another version of this line he uses when driving his BMW, slowly driving by and asking if he “should drive by again?” I guess depending on what the guy looks like he may have an initial shot, but it won’t last. Too many sweaters and it’s not love at first sight if you have to repeat her first sight.

7. “Excuse Me, I think you dropped something …” (hand your phone #)

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Clever, yes, but also a tad foreword, don’t you think? Before she even says a word you assume she wants your number. Of course, it also appears that you are afraid to ask for her number. Who’s clever now? Not you man… Actually, this one is probably too ancient; you know phone numbers on paper and all… Now this guy will bump the girl, say “excuse me”, transfer his phone number by bumping his smart phone against hers and also steal all her personal information. It will take months for her to get her finances in order and social security number back. Man, life was a lot simpler writing phone numbers on paper.

6. “OK, I’m here. What do you want for your next wish?”

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Are you an actual genie? If you are not, then don’t make believe you are granting wishes, especially before you know whether she thinks you’re all that. I’m no genie or psychic myself, but I’m guessing I know her next wish and it’s something like “You to leave” and that’s putting it nicely. She will probably add in an insult and, let’s be real; she’s totally in the right here. This line only works if you are really rich because either she asks for something of monetary value or she slams you and you can throw hundred dollar bills at her before running away.

5. “Do your pants have mirrors? Because I could totally see myself in them”

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So there are some guys that believe if you ask 100 girls a line like this, one is bound to say yes. I’m not so sure that applies to this line in particular because you are being very up front with this girl that you are a total creep. Life isn’t an HBO comedy, guys don’t get to go up to girls and ask if they can bury their head in their crotch and they find it cute and say “okay, let’s get out of here.” That doesn’t even happen on Showtime. Plus, insinuating that you have mirrors is a tad vain, but at this point that probably is assumed and doesn’t matter.

4. “Excuse me, my friend over there is a little embarrassed, he’d like your phone number … he wants to know where he can get a hold of me in the morning”

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This one is funny – good work, Mr. Comedian. I hope you are really funny because what you say next is going to either give you a second chance or leave you doing a one-man show. Of course, you probably do have a friend there; in fact my guess is you have your six closest “bros” who are all using awful lines in the hope of slaying some trim that evening. The reality is all the “bros” end up alone, drinking a case of Bud Light and playing video games. The good news is they eventually grow up – well about half of them do, the rest just never learn. That’s why we love the “bros”…

3. “If I was a fly, I’d land on you first … because you’re the s**t”

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Did you just call her “the” sh*t? You did and there is nothing that can be said to undo that. Let’s not forget, you are also a fly in this scenario, not that flattering. Do you know the penis size of a fly? It’s not large, that’s fact! I mean, “If I was an artist I would want to paint you nude” is inappropriate, rude and will get you slapped, but still not as bad as the fly line. Seriously, any guy that uses this line has some kind of complex. You do realize flies have small penises, right? I think we covered that.

2. “Drink This!”

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Made famous by a TV Dad from the eighties, this particular line doesn’t get many takers, but does get immediate results. Seriously though, this is not good. Don’t make assumptions on what a girl drinks and if she doesn’t see the bartender make it she is assuming you are trying to drug her. You want the girl to have a drink – then buy her a drink – her choice. She wants to drink wine, let her drink wine, she wants to drink a wine cooler, that’s cool. If she wants to drink scotch and you are drinking a beer, you should run because she’s about to order you a real drink and tell you to “drink this!”

1. Your dad must be a terrorist because he made a bomb”

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You just called her dad a terrorist, what is wrong with you? I mean, seriously, who are trying to impress with this line? Yes, I know “a bomb” is a compliment, but this is your opener? A good rule of thumb is to ease into the bomb and terrorism talk. It would be better to be blunt and just say “I want to have sex with you in a dirty bathroom” honest with “Can I get you really drunk so we can have sex and I can leave on not see you again?” Granted, neither of these are going to work, but at least you can live with not calling this poor girl’s dad a terrorist.

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