Hi guys, my name is Sami Schecht. I am 23 years old, and single. I’m not telling you this for any reason other than that you should know a little bit about me prior to reading this article.
I moved to Los Angeles from Ohio a few months ago, and I love it here. I’ve managed to be pretty social by attending a few concerts, checking out the nightlife, and doing some hiking. All that aside, since arriving in LA, I’ve had a few of my friends mention how hard it is to date here. So, I did what every normal, bored 23-year-old does to check out the dating scene in a new city: I downloaded an app. I downloaded an app that allows the girl to be the person deciding if she wants to talk; if she doesn’t message the guy first within 24 hours, the match expires. I particularly like this feature because it makes me be a little proactive.
Anyway, after using this app for a few months, I’ve come to a few conclusions that I thought I’d share with whoever wants to read. Now, obviously these are just my thoughts so others may feel differently, but they are some things to note if you were wondering about how to best portray yourself, or what to avoid, on a dating app.
10. Giving Your Height Is A Must For Dudes
I normally try to decide if a guy is too tall or too short based on the other guys in their photos. I’m not too particular but I don’t want someone shorter than I am, or a full foot taller. However, many of my taller friends (5’7″ or above) need to know if they can wear heels around you without feeling like they are an amazon creature. Many guys have made this search for clues easier by just mentioning how tall they are. I think that this is a great idea. Sure, it’s a little random, but since using a photo to judge someone is hard enough in general, why not give us the information upfront? If your height deters her from a date with you, she wouldn’t have made it to a second date with you anyway so now you saved $20 and have a chance to spend that night with someone else.
9. If You Have A Dog, You Better Post A Photo
I’m not even going to be subtle about this one. Dogs are among my favorite things on the planet. They come in below my family, friends, and sleep but above whiskey and Netflix. That’s how much I love dogs, so just be warned, if you have one, I want to meet him/her. With that being said, if a guy is on a dating app and owns a dog, there is absolutely no reason not to include a photo of this dog on the app. It can really only help your chances in my mind. If you’re playing with the dog in said photo, it’s game over. In all seriousness, if you have a dog, the dog is most likely a big part of who you are so you might as well let the girl know that she’ll be sharing your heart with your fur-baby. If she’s the right girl, she’ll be equally as happy that you have a dog, as you are to have one.
8. Physical Activities Make You Seem Well-Rounded
It is a simple idea, really. I have found that a guy is more likely to attract a woman if he shows that he enjoys being physically active as far as sports or going to the gym. I’m not asking for a gym selfie (I’d actually warn against them if anything…) but if you incorporate a photo of you on a hike or riding a bike, I think you’re more likely to attract a woman who would like to join you on those activities in the future. You could even just mention your favorite sport in your bio if you’d prefer to leave out the photo, but keep in mind not everyone reads the bio (I know, shocking). The point is that it all depends on the woman you’re trying to attract. I do find it hard to believe that you’d want a woman who sits at home all day, so show her that you’re not that kind of guy!
7. Don’t Be Unemployed
I understand that this isn’t exactly up to you. Sometimes, shit happens. However, you can even spin your unemployment into something more positive. For example, I understand that I am in LA so I fully expect to come across my fair share of “actors” or “artists”. I personally have no idea if they’re working at the moment or just listing the job they wish to have one day. It is most likely the latter, but you are far better off by listing that job title over listing unemployed or no job title. I will, at least, give you a chance to tell me that you’re actually a working actor. That gives you an extra encounter with me to prove I should continue to talk to you. Plus, in the smallest way possible, it shows you’re at least working towards a goal and dream career. Unemployed sounds like a dead end. You’ve given up. So, even if you’re not in LA, do what the contestants on The Bachelor do and just be creative. One season, a guy actually put that he was a “Pantsapreneur”, which caused more confusion than anything else but it still worked. Just don’t lie, either!
6. Guys Won’t Read Your Bio
Again, this is a generalization, so if you’re a guy and you read the bio that a girl puts with her profile, I applaud you. Personally, I think that I’m particularly hilarious so I try to make my profile reflect that. However, assuming that you’re somebody who acts as my guy friends do, you’re apparently not too interested in what my bio says. No big deal, just an observation. I know many guys who barely look at the photos until you match and then they go back and determine if they feel like contacting you.
However, on the app that I’m using, the girl decides if you get to talk. With that being said, if you’re a guy who doesn’t read a bio, just keep in mind that many girls actually do. This means that you may want to consider actually putting something in your bio section. It doesn’t have to be the most riveting life story ever written but in case the girl wants to know a little bit about you it could just be there. I’m not sure why but if a guy opts out of putting anything down as his bio, I assume that they’re not going to have much to contribute to a conversation and tend to skip them. There have been a few cases where I’ve debated if I wanted to try to talk to a guy and his hobbies/interests/humor in his bio have persuaded me to give it a shot. Just an extra little thing to improve your chances!
5. Conversations Don’t Last Long
This isn’t meant to be a good or bad thing, it’s just the truth. Even once you’ve started to talk to a match on a dating app, who knows how long you’ll hold their attention for or vice versa. It’s easy to get distracted and uninterested when you’re talking to someone you barely know, plus it’s through an app so it’s less personal.
My friends and I have had a few debates about the proper timeline to this but I’d say that if you’ve consistently maintained a conversation for over 24 hours, someone should be asking for a phone number. Now, I don’t mean that over 24 hours you two have shared 8 messages total. That’s not a full conversation. That’s just taking a long time in between responses. If you’ve held a great conversation for over a day, it’s fair to assume you can move past the app and get a phone number. I mean, you don’t have to meet right away but if you’re both on the app to eventually meet people then don’t let the conversation fizzle until it’s boring and nobody is interested anymore. Take action!
4. Being Creative Is Key
Over a number of months, I have come to the same conclusion as basically everybody else who uses a dating app: I’d prefer to talk to someone who approaches a conversation in a creative way. You don’t have to be a stand up comedian to make me laugh, but if you’re a guy who starts a conversation with something other than “hey, how’s it going?”, automatically I’m more interested. For this particular app, I am the one who starts the conversations so just try to keep that in mind when answering my question. Just don’t be boring!
3. People Lie All The Time
This is something that was truly shocking to discover. People lie on dating apps… a lot. Listen, if you want to put a bio about yourself, go ahead. I mean, as I mentioned above, if someone really wants to make a decision about meeting you in person then the bio helps. However, do not lie about going to college, where you live, or what your hobbies are because that’s just stupid. This isn’t a game show. The goal isn’t to win.
While I mentioned that you should be creative with your job title, I don’t mean just pick a random profession and lie about it. Believe me, she won’t just believe that you’re a lawyer if you’ve never been to law school. You’re still trying to find a person who likes you so I’m not sure how lying is going to help you achieve that goal.
Oh, you lied and said you like to go to the gym? Well, don’t be surprised when she’s inviting you to be her gym buddy now. Good going! You should’ve just been honest and said that you enjoy your couch and the very occasional game of golf. There is nothing to be ashamed of if you don’t have a ton of hobbies, just don’t lie about it to get more matches because chances are she’ll find out and you’ll just look dumb.
2. Don’t Be Clingy
This isn’t exactly something that I discovered on dating apps, more just a fact to live by but it applies here especially. I wish that I could just say this to people directly but sometimes that type of bluntness offends them. So here it is the truth: we are all looking for somebody to talk to or meet on these apps, whether for just the next few days or the long term, but if a few messages into our conversation, I clearly lose interest or vice versa, don’t be annoying.
Just because you found a match doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be with them forever. If they’re bored or distracted, let it go. There’s nothing worse than being the guy who continues to try to talk to a girl who hasn’t answered his last 4 messages. Her phone works. She isn’t out of the country. She just doesn’t care. Move on. You know who you are, and trust me, she’s showing her friends how annoying you are right now. You answer people that you want to answer. Period. So, go find someone else to annoy. Thanks.
1. Dating Is Awkward
Newsflash: dating is a very awkward process. You’re essentially interviewing another person to see if they fit into your lifestyle while you consider being attracted to them. That sounds totally fun, right? Well, it should be fun but here’s the thing that you haven’t really thought about yet: the first date. How do you avoid being awkward? There’s a good chance that you can’t avoid being awkward at first, but you just get through it as fast as possible. If you’re both meant to be together, you’ll move swiftly past the moment when he tried to hug you but you went in for the handshake. Consider it like a blind date that you’ve already vetted a little. You are both normal people (for the most part), so it really isn’t all that much worse than regular dating. Dating can be weird in any form but persevere! It could be worth it.