At this point in time, you probably know exactly what makes you tick and exactly what ticks your boxes. With a bottle of hand cream, a quiet spot and five minutes on your hands, you can probably satisfy yourself and move on with your day. But if your woman (or women) seem to not be as satisfied as you and your night ends without her screaming to the holy gods above, you might be doing something wrong. There are ten ways you might be screwing up her “big O” and here’s how you can change that.
10. Focusing only on her genitals
While you do need to have somewhat of a master’s degree in the study of women’s sexual organs, this should not be your primary focus in helping her reach the “big O”. Women have other body parts that enjoy arousal, and these need lots of attention too. Remember the scene in Friends where Monica lists off a sequence of body parts and in what order they should be aroused to reach the climax? Seven, seven, seven only came at the very end, and she did, too. Don’t go right for it. Move slowly.
9. Thinking you can make it happen through intercourse
Mistake number one that many men make potentially ruining her good time is that they think she can have the “big O” through intercourse. Most women, except those who are very familiar with their bodies and can instruct you how, will not reach climax through typical insertion methods. Women need stimulation of a certain area, and even if you think you are rubbing along that area, you probably aren’t. Get familiar with the outer and inner anatomy of a woman by either practicing or doing your research with something as simple as a Google search. Get your fingers and tongue moving and you’ll be well on your way.
8. Focusing on areas that don’t turn her on
Blowing in her ear seems like such a romantic gesture but there are many-a woman who will give you a back hand to the mouth if you put that hot steam of your breath in her ear. Not every woman likes having her earlobes sucked or her nipples tweaked. If you are kissing her neck and not getting an excitable moan in return, move on to another body part and check her reaction. If she’s biting her nails while you rub her inner thigh with your tongue, this is obviously not an erogenous zone for her, even if it worked wonders on the last woman you were with.
7. Not asking her what she likes
The easiest way to find out what floats her boat is to ask her. Some women may play shy or hope you find out on your own, but many women who like to have control over their own satisfaction will straight out tell you what works and what doesn’t. She may tell you to pull her hair, smack her butt but never bite her and once she tells you this, believe that this is really what she likes and do it! But, do not assume that the next woman will love the rough stuff (or the gentle stuff) and be offended when it doesn’t work getting her going.
6. Not arousing her mind
While we’ve focused on how we can get the body turned on, your actual biggest obstacle to having her scream that you are a Greek God is her mind. Women are very different than men, who can get turned on by merely being awake. Most women need to see that they are wanted, talked to seductively and basically get put in the mood. Start with a compliment and make it sincere – telling her she looks hot today isn’t going to cut it. Tell her that her booty looks extra firm in those yoga pants and you may have scored yourself a good time for both of you. Continue to keep her mind on how good she looks and how much you like what she’s doing and she’ll keep her mind off of her to-do list, leading her straight into the clutches of a body-shaking “big O”.
5. Taking care of yourself first
One of the worst things you can do is ensure you are satisfied before she is. Most men lose all interest once they climax and their effort is pretty half-assed in trying to get her off. Do both of you a favour and take care of her first – multiple times if you have to. Women, unlike men, get only more aroused after the “big O” and everything you do after this point will be that much better for everyone. If you need to think of your great aunt baking cookies in only an apron to keep your “O” at bay, then do it, all the while working towards making your lady very, very happy.
4. Thinking she’s an adult star
We’ve all seen those women in erotic movies, seemingly enjoying a six-man sandwich and being shot in the eye with something that should never, ever, go into a person’s eye. These women are not real life and the majority of women don’t enjoy being bounced around like a rag doll and allowing the pizza guy to join in, just because. Please don’t get your best moves from adult movies – in fact, don’t get any moves from those movies. There are plenty of books and videos all about female arousal. If you need technical help, make use of your library card.
3. Not using lubrication
Once you’ve mastered her zones, her mind and your technique, the biggest rookie mistake is doing it all dry. Again, you might have seen those movies of women who seem to be perpetually “ready”, but this is not the norm in real life. Many women need some form of lubrication, whether it is natural from your mouth or something not as natural in a bottle. Don’t be afraid to slather that on and let her thank you later.
2. Not employing help
You really could be the “O”-giving king, but have a woman who just can’t get pushed over that cliff. Perhaps you’ve tried all your best methods with all of your own body parts and nothing. Don’t be afraid to walk into an adult store and ask them what might work for this particular problem. If you are shy, shopping online is also super easy. Many women can only climax using a vibrator of some sort and by showing her this bothers you in no way, shape or form, will only add to your manliness. If it works and she is satisfied, she won’t thank Mr. Vibe, she’ll thank you.
1. Not admitting defeat
No woman enjoys being rubbed raw and there are some women who just can’t reach the “big O”. About 10% of women overall, with a higher number for younger women, can’t climax, for whatever reason. Don’t spend hours stimulating her only with that goal in mind, especially if she’s told you she’s never had one. Letting her relax is one of the first steps towards this happening for her and she can’t relax with constant probing and prodding. Move on, enjoy your time together and hope that once she gets to know you better, she’ll open up to what she really enjoys and allows herself to release that pent-up energy.