Ladies, we’ve all been there. You meet an awesome guy and you feel a real connection. You go on one or two dates and never hear from him again. Nope, he probably didn’t die or get back together with his ex. You send him a text or five. You leave him a voicemail. If this keeps happening to you, you might be doing any of these ten things to make yourself undateable.
Single women often ask themselves why they can’t get past the dating stage. It’s frustrating. With tons of online dating options from Tinder to Match to Ok Cupid, there are so many opportunities to find dates, but perhaps not lasting relationships. To be brutal here, you could very well be an attractive, loving, caring person, but you might be doing something to turn off the opposite sex. And once they are turned off, they won’t want to pursue the relationship any further.
But, it doesn’t have to be this way. In the early stages of dating, you need to present yourself in the best light possible. Just recognize what you are doing wrong and take steps to change it. You don’t need to try and be perfect. You just have to avoid doing these ten things.
10. Having No Life Outside Of Work Or Dating
Whether you are having dinner, drinks or coffee, you’ve got to bring something to the table and that something isn’t your last relationship or the crappy date you had last week. You don’t even need to be involved in a hobby or activity particularly interesting to him; you just need to be involved in something. Whether its yoga, cooking, volunteering, or surfing, when you are on a date, you need to present yourself as a well-rounded person. It gives you something to talk about and a way for him to connect with you. It keeps the conversation going. It also shows you are an independent person who won’t need to rely on her partner for everything.
9. Being Overly Available
Being overly available goes along with having your own interests. The classic dating book The Rules, teaches that men like women who play hard to get. If you are overly available, you won’t be hard to get. If you have your own interests, you won’t always be available, so you won’t have to play hard to get…you will be hard to get. This also applies to responding to his texts, social media, etc. You don’t always need to fake it or intentionally pick up the fifth time the phone rings, but if you always drop everything you’re doing to be at his beck and call, you’re overly available.
8. Not Being Available Enough
There’s a fine line between hard to get and impossible to get. You have to be a little flexible with someone else’s schedule sometimes. Particularly if that person has a demanding job. If someone really interests you, you must find a way to make time for that person. How can you have a long term relationship if you don’t spend any time together? While Pilates, girls night and cleaning out your closet are very important, you can’t allow your world to be totally self centered, unless you want your life to revolve around you and only you forever. But don’t forget, it goes both ways. He has to work around your schedule as well.
7. A Crazy Family
None of us have the perfect family, but if your parents’ divorce left you in emotional shambles and your brother is in prison for assault and battery, don’t share this on the first, second or possibly the third date. If you have shared this type of information on a first date more than once and never had a second date- it might be time to start a relationship with a licensed therapist.
Also keep in mind that your family, regardless of their wackiness (unless you are part of the Duggar family), should never butt into your dating life. However, once you have established a serious relationship, it’s okay to let someone in. Just ask your dad to keep his shirt on at the dinner table first…
6. Crazy Roommates
We’ve all had psycho roommates, but no one wants your roommate knocking at your door to ask if you have an extra tampon, while you’re in the middle of getting intimate. Or perhaps worse is that roommate who joins you and your date in the living room while you two are trying to watch a movie and thinks this is the perfect time to discuss religion, politics or why you accidentally left a wine glass in the sink. Sometimes, it’s too intense to get intimate in a house with a lot of tension and if a roommate is creating that tension, it’s time to move your party somewhere else. Plus, no roommate means being as loud and naked as you want to be.
5. Constant Over Sharing
Shut up! No really, shut up. On the radio show Loveline, Dr. Drew always says, “Less history, more mystery.” This means don’t over share! A man doesn’t need to know everything about you, such as how many sexual partners you’ve had, that you bought your shoes on sale for $29.99 or that you ripped your pants at work last week. He doesn’t need every single detail of the soap opera that is your life. This doesn’t mean to close yourself emotionally, but a good rule of thumb is if you are calling your girlfriends to gossip about something, that’s exactly what not to talk about on a date.
4. Being Overly Obsessed With Social Media
PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY! Instagram can be an ‘insta’ turn-off. Do all of your 3,500 friends on Facebook really need to know you just checked into The Cheesecake Factory for a Saturday night rendezvous? Do you need to tag your date? Do you really need to take a selfie after the waitress shoves a giant Apple Martini in your face? Be in the moment and give your full attention to your date. What could be more important than the person you are with? Certainly not your friend’s sonogram pictures or your cousin’s update that she needs to cut her toenails.
3. Too Many Pets/Dolls/Stuffed Animals/Fabergé Eggs
Who doesn’t love a furry friend or two? But a furry friend or nine, or a lizard or a snake or even a gerbil is just plain creepy when you are an adult. Plus, unless you live on a farm, lots of pets=lots of odor. This also applies to dolls (you’re not 6 years old), stuffed animals and other collectible items. This doesn’t mean you can’t collect stuff at all. It just means your man possibly won’t be able to get intimate with you with 150 glass eyes from your collection of dolls on him.
2. Being Difficult
Being a pain in the butt isn’t attractive. This doesn’t mean not to be assertive, not a feminist or not to stand up for what you believe in, it means, don’t give someone a hard time for an unimportant reason. For example, if the host seats you at a communal table and this annoys you (on another note, can we stop this communal table trend already), and you want to change tables, by all means, do that. But only once, not twice. You want your date to remember you picked the perfect bottle of wine, not that you switched the table four times.
1. Being Overly Self Conscious
Look, we all have our insecurities, but don’t let it prevent you from having relationships. A woman doesn’t need to have the body of a Victoria’s Secret model to be attractive to a man, but if she obsesses over her love handles, especially in front of him, it’s kind of a turn off. This rule also applies to not being able to eat in front of someone. If you can’t enjoy a meal together, how are you supposed to enjoy sex together? We all have our insecurities, but in the beginning of a relationship, just try to keep it to yourself.
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