Have you ever been on a terrible first date? The smallest things like showing up late, choosing a bad restaurant, having an off day at work, or unpredictable weather can contribute to having a bad first date. However, other things like your date being rude to the waiters, disrespecting you, pulling uncalled for sexual advances, or turning out to be a complete jerk, are enough to transform any date night into a terrible experience. These days, people encounter so many terrible dates that some conclude that all the great people are already married, and the ones remaining know nothing about dating.
Everyone is expected to be on his or her best behavior on the first date, because the goal is to impress the other person and hopefully qualify for several other dates. However, despite being in your best outfit and on your best behavior, it can all turn out horrible. Can you imagine going out on a first date with someone you met online or someone your friend set you up with, only for you to discover that you cannot survive another ten minutes with that person because of how annoying or boring you find them?
If you ever find yourself in a terrible date situation and you do not want to be the one to walk out on him or her, here are a few tips you can try out that might just do wonders.
10. Tell your date that you want him/her to marry you
How long should a man wait until he can propose marriage to a woman that he just met? Although there is no clear timeline defining when someone can declare his or her marriage intentions for the other person, proposing on the first date is not only socially unacceptable and weird, but it will make the other person feel very uncomfortable. However, if you find yourself on a date with someone that you never want to see again and you do not want to be rude, tell the other person to marry you, and you will be shocked how fast he or she will ask to leave and then give you the “don’t call me, I’ll call you” line. The only way this can go wrong is if the other person actually agrees to marry you. Then you will be in a lot of trouble.
9. Text your best friend to come and join you
You might be tempted to think that nothing is more disturbing than going out with someone who cannot stop texting or talking on the phone while he or she is supposed to be on a date with you. The absolute worst-case scenario would be going out on a date with someone who happens to come along with another person just because the two of them are friends. Can you imagine how awkward that would be if it happened to you? Armed with this knowledge, you can text your best friend to come join you on your date if you want it to end faster. Here you will need a very reliable and confident friend who can act all “clueless” to the extent of sitting with the two of you at the same table the whole time, insisting on being heard in every conversation, and even eating your food without offering to pay.
8. Tell your date that he or she looks fat/too skinny
When people go out on a date, one unwritten rule is that the two of them have to be extremely polite, no matter what happens. People start getting real with each other after a few dates, after they understand how the other person deals with the truth. One way to end a terrible date and to make sure that there will never be a second date, is to comment about the other person’s weight in a somewhat polite way. You could bring up topics on healthy living, how weight problems develop, and even ask him or her, what their weight goals are and how you can help them to achieve their goals. You will be lucky if your date does not stand up and leave you in the middle of the date, so in addition to being extremely polite and genuine when talking about weight, you had better have some money to pay for the meal.
7. Complain about everything during the date
No one likes people who complain all the time because such people are always so negative and listening to them for even a few minutes is exhausting. The moment you discover that you need to find a way out of that date, just start complaining about everything. Complain about the weather, the food, the waiters, the government, global warming, the international space station, animal rights, and even women/men (whichever is your date’s gender). Go all out and do not even give your date an opportunity to help you see the good side of anything. Within the first ten minutes of your complaining, your date will be itching to leave, and you can be sure that he or she will never call you again.
6. Talk about your Ex
We have all been in a few relationships prior to the ones we are in right now, and the end of a relationship is more often than not very painful. Some people move on after a breakup quickly while others hardly ever move on, with the latter being the worst people to be out on a date with. If you discover that, the last thing you want is to get serious with the person you are out on a date with, start talking about your ex, or how painful your divorce was. Obsess over how the breakup has affected you so much and how you can never see yourself with anyone else apart from your ex. Go further to claim just how perfect he or she was and that no one compares to him/her and also suggest something crazy, like that you will make sure that your ex never falls in love again. You will come off like a psycho, and no one in his or her right mind would date a psycho.
5. Start crying for no reason at all
Most women know that they can get anything from their men the moment they shed even one tear because men just do not know how to react to a crying woman. A man can tell if a woman is “fake crying” but because he just wants her to stop, he will give into whatever her demands are. Since we have seen that crying can do wonders, it is therefore the easiest way to get out of a terrible date. I doubt that a man would hack crying while on a date, but if he were to reach down and summon his tears, there is no date he could not get out of. Crying confuses the other person and puts him or her in a situation of wanting to do anything to make the other stop crying. If your response to the question of why you are crying is that you just want to go home, your date will even pay your taxi to get you there as fast as possible.
4. Stop talking completely
Everyone in a relationship knows how annoying the silent treatment is, a tactic that men and especially women have perfected over the years to bring the person they are in a relationship with to admitting that they are wrong. Imagine how surprised an individual would be to be given the silent treatment on his or her first date; such an individual would never want to go on another date with that person ever again. If someone just keeps quiet, does not comment on anything, does not respond to anything, has no opinion on anything, and you are out on a date with them, the only thing you can do is end the date as fast as possible and take them home. Only make sure not to laugh at your date’s attempts to cheer you up, because if you do, he or she will gain the courage to push on through.
3. Talk about how you are dealing with your diarrhea and visit the bathroom three times
Diarrhea is one of those diseases that you never let anyone know you have, or have ever had. This disease is so uncomfortable and embarrassing that you would never want to be out on a date if you had it because the date will almost assuredly end badly. The thing about conditions such as diarrhea is that they are instant mood killers and regardless of how hot your date is, you do not want to sit with him or her at the same table or even worse, go home with them. If you badly want to get out of a terrible date, go to the bathroom a few times for no reason at all, and behave as if you have diarrhea. You can even try explaining to your date that it is just a small problem you have been having for a couple of weeks and you know how to deal with it, but your date will insist on paying a taxi to get you home as soon as possible.
2. Fart – Gather everything you have and let her rip
You would have to be a serious daredevil to pull this off, but if your date is as bad as you claim it is, then you can definitely try farting. Farting is inappropriate regardless of where you are or who you are with, and you never want to be associated with a person who has ever farted in public. This tactic would require you to dig deep, gather everything you have within, and let her rip in such a way that it would be unmistakable who did the deed. Do you remember Steve Urkel’s line “Did I do that?” from the late 1980s and early 1990s sitcom Family Matters? You should definitely say that immediately after the fart, and your date will go like the wind. This escape tactic will also form one of the best stories you can share with your friends.
1. Talk about your family’s history of mental illness
People fear mental illness even though so many know so little about it. Just like any other disease, mental illnesses are treatable and the patients deserve all the love and care in the world. However, since most people think that mental illnesses are a plague, they fear it and hardly want to interact with mentally ill people or those related to people with mental illness. If you find that your date is unbearable and that you are having a terrible time, start telling him or her that your family has a history of mental illness and that you are the only one who is not affected. You might also want to start a few stories and leave out the conclusions, and start asking your date whether he or she can hear voices calling your name. You can be sure that your terrible date will end in minutes, and you will never hear from that person again.