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10 Things Women Think Before “Going Down”

LifeStyle
10 Things Women Think Before “Going Down”

Foreplay is an important part of intercourse. Without it, guys don’t last as long, women have fewer orgasms, and everyone just seems a little bit more sexually selfish. But if you engage in it, it delays gratification and makes it more wonderful when it finally arrives.
The expression “foreplay” is used to describe a multitude of sex acts that aren’t strict “p” in “v”. You got your kissing, your heavy petting, your deep-tissue massage, and everything else you can think of that’d get your hot and bothered.

We all know, though, that it really just refers to the ole ‘next best thing’ – oral. The reason it’s such an effective form of foreplay, especially for guys, is because it almost exactly imitates the act that will follow, only with a titillating element of your partner calling the shots. If you want your foreplay to go as smoothly as possible, we would advise you to follow these ten tips. It’ll make it more pleasant for your partner, who will be more likely to come back for more, and it’ll turn you both on so that the subsequent sex is much better. Ready? We thought so. Check out these ten things women think before going down.

10. “I Hope It’s Manscaped”

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Nothing like diving down south on your partner to find a gigantic bush of hair awaiting you. And honestly, that could mean either NOTHING’S AS GOOD or NOTHING’S AS BAD. These days, though, people tend to lean towards bad. It’s in vogue for women to be completely shaved and for men to be at least trimmed, if not shaved like something out of Magic Mike. We personally cannot endorse hair removal — nature gave it to us for a good reason — but better safe than sorry when it comes to possibly getting head, so trim it preemptively and then promise to let it grow back out if that’s what she prefers.

9. “I Hope It’s Clean”

via youtube.com

via youtube.com

Worse even that being untidy down south is being unclean. Hair is natural and therefore not stomach-churning, but filth is gross to everyone. If you’re going to plead your case for deserving a good “job”, you’d better be squeaky clean. Honestly, we mean shower gel, followed by a Purell bath, followed by a couple of spritzes of Dr Scholl’s antibacterial spray. Ok, we’re kidding. But no “I’m-A-Bro-So-I-Dont-Shower-For-Three-Days” nonsense. It’s not “pheromones”, it’s “body odor” and everyone but you thinks it’s gross. Clean it up so you can get down and dirty.

8. “He Better Not Grab My Head”

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This is a more detailed version of what we discussed earlier, in the intro. The point of going down is pleasuring your partner according to your own rhythm. It’s pleasurable because it’s surprising. It excites with paces and places you may never have thought of. It’s a little bit like when someone else picks an ensemble from your wardrobe and you’re like: “How have I never thought of that pairing? I LIKE IT.” So when you grab the back of her head and go, “NO. DO THIS.” it shows ungrateful for an act of sincere generosity. Also, it makes you gag. Let her do her thing. You’ll have your chance to take control later in the exercise.

7. “He Better Reciprocate”

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As the indefatigable Samantha Jones puts it in Sex & The City, “You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothin’.”

Going down is hard work, but it’s worth the result of turning on your partner. However, no one is gonna complain if you take it upon yourself to reciprocate with a little oral action. On Sex & The City, one of the ladies starts falling for a guy only because he’s good at cunnilingus. Think about what a hot commodity you could turn yourself into with just a little bit of practice.

6. “I Hope He Doesn’t Have An STD”

Practicing oral with a condom makes it a lot less fun. It’s supposed to be a pregnancy-free way of coupling. But when you get hit with an infection for performing it, it really makes you wonder if it was worth it in the first place. So even though very few people are gonna tear open a Trojan before going down, the thought is going to cross your partner’s mind. “I hope this sex is safe.” Obviously, a condom would be a nearly foolproof way of ensuring that it IS safe, but again — who uses a condom for oral? If you’ve been tested and you’re good to go, whisper to your partner: “I’m clean as a whistle” and watch her misgivings melt away.

5. “I Hope I’m Competent”

via youtube.com

via youtube.com

In today’s hookup culture, we’re constantly compared to previous sexual partners. When everyone you sleep with has slept with someone else, you are bound to be weighed against experience. So when a girl goes down on you, she will wonder if (and hope that) she is doing a good job. This is especially true in an era of online adult content, where anyone who doesn’t have hardcore proclivities risks being seen as prudish and sexually unsatisfying. Even if you’re sleeping with the most self-assured person on earth, a little bit of guidance (or, if you’re lucky, earnest enthusiasm) is always comforting.

4. “I Hope I Don’t Get It In My Mouth”

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Carrying a cup of “man juice” to the IVF office, Bette from The L-Word put it best when she said: “God it’s repugnant. I can’t believe I used to swallow this stuff.” Although it’s useful as all hell for perpetuating the species, it really is disgusting. You can’t blame a lady for not wanting it anywhere near her face. The thing about going down is that getting it very near (re: IN) her face is a probability. Although you may think it’s your precious juice of life, she is not that egotistically fond of it. If you’re planning on doing it, at least give her a heads up (ba dum tss) so she can make an eleventh hour decision about how she’ll react when it happens.

3. “Should I Pay Attention To The Testes?”

Yes.

2. “Would My Mother Have Done This?”

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Another common thought these days is that our generation is too adventurous. We wonder where the difference lies between “youthful experience” and “sordid, amoral lifestyle”. Nothing like sitting in a Porta Potty in a music festival, your dilated pupils pointing sternly in two different directions, to make you think that maybe there’s a reason you’re told not to do what you’re doing. So the question is: “Would my mother have done this?” We belong to a long tradition of generations who assume the previous generation was of a stronger moral fiber. But going down is such honest, harmless, flirty fun that the answer is probably: “Oh, heavens yes.”

1. “Yay”

That’s right — this whole list we’ve focused on the negatives without ever acknowledging the simple fact that some girls might actually enjoy going down on their partners. Once again, it’s harmless fun, notwithstanding its relatively low-stakes risks. The same way some guys are wild about using their mouths, some girls are, too. And we can’t imagine that for anyone it wouldn’t be a preferable alternative to sitting at a boring job, going to boring class, or doing boring busywork to be able to pay your bills. Sex is often called “the poor man’s entertainment” because it’s free, endless, and FUN most of all. For some, and probably many girls, the exciting, intoxicating aspect of it trumps all the other minor grievances.

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