It’s 2015, and dating is probably harder than it’s ever been. The use of technology to find love or a hookup, from OkCupid to Tinder and everything in between, makes it easier to connect with potential dates that you probably never would have encountered before.
Still, if you sign up to just one dating site, you’re suddenly bombarded with a plethora of matches. Even social media like Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook can feel like virtual people-shopping. You may find someone who ticks off some of your immediate boxes: they’re attractive, they’ve seemingly got a good head on their shoulders, they have a nice personality. However, soon enough, you come across someone even more attractive who seems even better-suited for you.
That “grass is greener” syndrome can lead to a lot of problems with dating in today’s time. It’s hard for someone to feel secure in their choice when a better choice is always just a click away. Even if you do find someone cool to talk to, some people like the chase more than the catch, so they’d rather just chat than meet up, and you might as well forget about ever getting a commitment.
Whether you use online dating sites or prefer to meet people the good old-fashioned way (at bars or anywhere else), if it seems like a lot of people are flakier and just not as genuine as they used to be, you’re not alone in thinking so. Here are 10 terrible modern dating trends that just won’t die, which is really unfortunate, because they impede plenty of people’s progress when trying to find a good partner.
10. Claiming You Hate Games but Playing Games Anyway
This also applies to lying. In the world of dating, somehow it seems that the ones that talk the most about something are also the most likely to do it. Your date may have gone on and on about having been burned in the past and how they hate game-players and just want someone honest. You may have nodded along during the whole first date, but now it’s been days since you’ve heard from them yet they’re signing into Tinder every night.
Unfortunately, you’ll have to weed out these types of people when dating. Just don’t be too disheartened if you come across a number of them.
9. Texting like You’re Official
If one facet of dating hasn’t changed over the years, it’s that giving out your phone number is still a big deal. Of course, what the other party does with that number can determine if they ever even get a first date with you.
In a perfect world, you would have a little bit of flirty (albeit awkward) banter through text message and then set up a date. You would hear from your partner on the big day to confirm plans and that would be it until the outing.
Despite that, some people get someone else’s phone number and like to go into boyfriend/girlfriend mode right away. It’s even weirder if you have yet to meet this person. “Good morning” texts are reserved for relationships. You should not be waking up to sweet little nothings in text message form from a virtual stranger. If this is happening to you, there’s a block feature on most smartphones for a reason.
8. Sharing Everything On Social Media
Social media is more than just a way to kill time. It’s also the litmus test in which everyone measures and compares their lives. The selfies and food pictures go on Instagram, the job and life updates go on Facebook, and everything else within 120 characters goes on Twitter. Unfortunately, in a time when the world is as obsessed as ever with technology, your dates rarely remain private.
Whether the girl you just went out with posts a vague Facebook status update or that guy you’re supposed to see takes a screencap of your personal Snapchat to him (which was definitely just a selfie and hopefully not a nude), few aspects of dating remain between two people. Once you’re in an established relationship, this can be a little more bearable. After all, everyone expects you to change your relationship status and post up cutesy pictures periodically to show how happy you two are.
However, when you’re just meeting a person for the first time, you’re meeting their social media army too whether you want to or not.
7. Refusing to Talk on the Phone
These days, everyone has their smartphone on them. Always. There’s practically no exceptions, not even when going to the bathroom. Way too often though, people seem to forget the primary function of these mobile devices, which is to make phone calls.
Your date may talk on the phone every single day for their job, but yet they adamantly refuse to give you a call. Talking on the phone is becoming less and less of a necessity. You can even order a pizza in just a few clicks. Sometimes when you’re at the gym, driving, or otherwise on-the-go though, it’s a little tough to balance what you’re doing and send a text message at the same time.
Yes, in those situations it would be much easier to have a two-minute phone call. It would also be much more convenient. That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. Phone-phobics are out in the dating world in droves.
6. Meeting ASAP
Nothing is more excruciating than hitting it off with a total cutie on a dating site but them taking forever to ask you out or give you another means of contacting them. What’s far more off-putting though is when that guy or gal you just exchanged your first message with is dropping their number and asking you to meet up. Tonight. Right now.
This type of situation just screams booty call, and it’s also potentially pretty dangerous. If you don’t have a total horndog on your hands, then you could be messaging with a bot that wants to suck up some funds in your bank account.
You should always use your discretion when meeting someone for the first time, but a person that’s in a huge rush is probably bad news.
5. Getting Too Physical Too Fast
As mentioned above, a lot of people use dating sites and apps as a way to people-shop. You can also use these avenues to shop for sex. While yes, it’s easy to bury your true intentions on some sites and say that you’re looking for short-term dating or a longer-term commitment, some people do that as a front when they really just want to get in your pants. Others are a lot more obvious about their desires.
If all you want is some no-strings-attached fun, then more power to you. However, it seems like more and more often there’s almost an expectation of sex at the end of a first date. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, jumping into bed isn’t typically synonymous with that. Always feel free to put your foot down.
4. Excessive Googling Before the Date
Once upon a time, you didn’t know a lot about that person you’ve been crushing on except what you learned when you were around them. If you wanted to glean more info, you could ask your crush’s friends or other people they knew.
Nowadays, everyone has a Facebook or some other form of social media. Even if you do meet someone at a bar or when out and about, it’s too easy to Google search their phone number or their name and find them online.
If you’re talking to someone on a dating site, the temptation to Google until your heart’s content becomes almost too much. Before you know it, you found your crush’s grandparents, totally saw all the pictures from that vacation they took a few years ago, and know where their ex works. Good luck pretending that you don’t know any of that when you go on the date.
3. The Three-Day (or More) Rule
Everyone’s heard of it by now: the three-day rule is that antiquated idea that you’re supposed to wait at least three days to get in touch with your date after you two went out. By waiting that long, you theoretically look cool as a cucumber, which should make you more attractive.
That’s how the old knowledge went. However, that was early on, before everyone was privy to how the three-day rule worked. Today, every single person you want to date will know all about it. They’ll also see right through it. Waiting an arbitrary amount of time to contact someone you like is seen as a form of game-playing by some and can turn off others.
With men and women alike enjoying more dating options than ever before due to dating sites, the longer you wait, the better the chances that someone else will come and snap your date up, leaving you in the cold.
2. Playing a Game of Who Likes Less than Who
The three-day rule was seemingly invented for people who want to appear as nonchalant when dating as possible. Somehow, many modern daters have got it in their heads that if they play it off as if they don’t like the other person that this makes them more appealing. This means that some people will go to any lengths possible to act like they are disinterested.
The result? Well, you can’t read their mind, so you rightfully assume that your date doesn’t have feelings for you. Eventually, you’ll move on to someone who seems a little more willing to express themselves.
While you shouldn’t profess your undying love on the first date or act too needy, there’s nothing wrong with admitting that you like someone. You may scare some people away, but they’re not the ones that you really want to date long-term anyway.
Honesty is not the best policy when dating anymore. People lie about their intentions and about their feelings. The latter often results in the fade, a terrible concept in which that person who was totally responsive to you yesterday suddenly can’t reply to a short text message today.
Fading can occur gradually where communication steadily declines until it’s nonexistent. However, many more people prefer to just rip the Band-Aid right off and ignore all of your texts until you get the point and go away.
As you can imagine, this doesn’t feel great. You may suddenly replay the date a million times in your head trying to figure out what you did or said to make everything go so wrong that this person doesn’t even want to talk to you anymore.
The good news is that it’s not you. It’s them. Your date probably didn’t have as much fun as you. They may not have felt any chemistry or just weren’t attracted to you. On its surface, there’s nothing wrong with any of this. You have to date a handful of people to find one that you really like.
Some people though, instead of being honest, would rather lie and said they had fun or just opt to say nothing at all. Fading will happen. You may find yourself giving someone the fade too. You can’t make people be forthcoming. Instead, just try not to taking fading too personally because it will likely happen a lot as you date around.
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