Two of the most important components of a healthy relationship are a great physical and emotional connection. While your sexual relationship with your partner may go through ups and downs, you need to hope that overall you are feeling satisfied.
If there are issues with your libido, or if you would like to increase your sex drive, feel free to check out our article on natural ways to enhance your libido.
Whether you are in a committed relationship or not, you still owe it to yourself to have a sex life that you are comfortable and happy with. Even if your sexual relationship and chemistry started off strong, sometimes over time you may find yourself being less satisfied or needing a change in your overall style.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and you should hope that you have a partner who you can have an open and honest discussion about your sex life with. Unfortunately, many individuals find themselves in relationships where the topic of sexuality is not one that is openly discussed. As a result, you may find yourself in an unhealthy relationship without any of the tools necessary to communicate your needs.
When you are being intimate with someone, one of the questions you should always be asking yourself is, is this a healthy decision? You owe it to your body and your mind to only engage in relationships that increase your overall sense of self worth.
No matter how long your relationship has been going on, always remember that love is not a passive act. Love is something that is active and should come through everything that you share with your partner. Remember to treat yourself with the respect you deserve.
If you are not in a committed relationship, that can be wonderful too. It is then all the more important that you make sure that the relationships you do engage in, however brief, are ones that are healthy. There may be several signs that you need to stop sleeping with your partner. Here are 10 of them.
10. They Are Selfish
There are few things more frustrating than having a selfish lover. Love and sex are gifts that you share with one another, and a selfish person can really hinder that. Selfish behavior can include, but is not limited to, not giving foreplay/oral and expecting the other person to do all the work, and it can lead to awful sex. You don’t want to be with someone who makes sex feel like a one-sided effort. If someone is selfish, you need to hope that they will be open to having a constructive conversation about your wants and needs. Unfortunately, people who are selfish are rarely open to any type of healthy discussion.
9. They Crossed A Boundary
Absolutely everyone has their right to what they consider their sexual boundary. No matter what your boundary is, you owe it to your partner to communicate what it is in a clear manner. Your partner also owes it to you to hear, and respect whatever your boundary may be. If they violate that boundary, especially during something as intimate as intercourse, it can cause a severe break in overall trust between you and your partner. Once that trust is broken, you may start finding it a lot harder to open up and connect with your partner on a natural and relaxed level.
8. You Don’t Find Them Attractive
Sexual attraction is paramount to any healthy relationship. If you do not find your partner attractive, it may significantly hinder any chance that you both have of forming a long-lasting connection. On top of that, being with someone that you do not find attractive is not fair to either partner. It can significantly hinder both of your self-esteems, as everyone deserves to be with someone who finds them attractive. It needs to not feel like a chore to have sex with your partner, and you need to feel that desire towards them. When the sexual desire dies down, or you find yourself not being turned on by your partner, you may quickly realize that your relationship feels more like a friendship and less like a relationship.
7. You Don’t Feel Safe
One of the biggest factors in a healthy sex life is feeling comfortable and safe with your partner. Unfortunately, not every relationship contains that level of safety and it can create a really unhealthy sexual relationship that needs to end. For many, this is why crossing your boundary may have such a long-lasting impact. If you do not feel safe with your partner, you need to discuss it with them to try and figure out why. Others may fear their partner physically, and as a result not know how to reject their advances. Sexuality is at its best when it is possible for it to flow naturally, and that does not happen if you are constantly feeling on edge because of the behavior of your partner.
6. You Aren’t Satisfied
Why be in a sexual relationship that is not satisfying? This is one of the main reasons why faking an orgasm is one of the biggest mistakes that anyone can make in the bedroom. If your partner cannot satisfy you at first, that is totally okay. Everyone is different, and with that may come different techniques. If after a few years your partner still cannot satisfy you, then you really need to look at how you and your partner communicate with one another. Sexuality is something that can be explored and learned, especially if you and your partner have the right attitude towards it. If you are not being satisfied, look into people online that have found different techniques that worked for them. Don’t be with a partner that won’t put in that level of effort.
5. They’re Using You
Sexuality is not a power play. If you know that somebody is using you for sex, ask yourself why you are putting yourself in that position. It is one thing if all you are looking for is a casual physical relationship. Yet for many individuals, they find themselves being used for sex by people that they care about. When they find out that the sex was meaningless for the other person, it can be heartbreaking. Sexuality is something that should be an equal gift for both of you, and feeling like you are being used is very similar to feeling like you are not being respected. Make sure you realize that if you want a relationship that is more than just the physical, you must be deserving of that.
4. You’re Using Them
Similar to how you should not be feeling used, do not sleep with someone if you are just using them. It is often done in situations where you know you have a power balance over the person, and you know sleeping with them may get you a result. That being said, it can be an awful thing to do and anything that you achieve through this method may feel tainted. A healthy sexual relationship is one that is built out of equality. Sex is not a thing that should be ever used for any source of “power” that you hold over someone else.
3. You’re Doing It Out Of Obligation
There are a lot of different reasons to have sex. This can range from a fancy holiday or anniversary, to there being nothing good on television and the delivery food wasn’t coming for another 45 minutes. Whatever the reason is that put you in the bed, make sure that the reason is not because you feel obligated. Sex is something that you should both want to experience, and not one that feels like a chore. There is nothing sexy about thinking that your partner does not really want to sleep with you, but feels obligated to because of the circumstances.
2. They Refuse To Use Protection
This one should hopefully be an immediate deal breaker for any partner. Your health is more important than any thrill, and if it is ever a one-night stand, make sure a condom is absolutely always used. Even if the female is on birth control and in a committed relationship, external protection such as a condom should be used until you are certain that both partners are clean. Refusal to wear a condom if you ask is a clear sign of disrespect both for your body, and your health. Make sure that you are always taking the steps necessary to avoid any complications or any situations that you are not ready for.
1. You Are Cheating On Your Partner
I have been in several relationships, including some that lasted longer than a year. While breakups are never easy, I do not understand cheating. If you know your relationship is over (which it most likely will be when they find out), then why not take the steps to end it without continuing to cheat? You are not being fair to anyone in the situation, and will make your eventual breakup all the harder to take for both parties. That does not even get into the potential health risks that can be associated with sleeping with multiple partners. I understand that sometimes a breakup is hard, and in some situations (such as when a couple is living together), it may seem impossible to imagine doing. It is possible though, and you deserve to be with someone who loves you. Just get out of that relationship before you start sleeping with others.