When it comes to making sure you are in a healthy relationship, one of the things that you should always be hoping for is that you have strong sexual chemistry with your partner. They can be the best person in the world, but you don’t want a best friend, you want a lover (who doubles as a best friend).
Nothing can destroy affection quicker than realizing that the man or woman of your dreams has the kisses of your nightmares. While there are always ways to try and build sexual chemistry, there are still some red flags that should instantly send you running for the hills, and speak to your overall lack of sexual chemistry.
For the most part, these aren’t only the signs of a bad lover but they’re the signs of someone who just does not mesh with what you like to get down with. It’s not shallow to end a relationship because you are not getting your physical needs satisfied. In contrary, it is selfish of both you and your partner to remain in a relationship that you know is no longer sexually satisfying.
If you have some concerns about your own sexual activities, perhaps some of the signs listed below are currently applying to your love life. If they are, then you need to hope you’re with a partner that will put in the work to realize that something’s got to change in the bedroom.
Here are the 10 biggest warning signs that you just don’t have perfect sexual chemistry with your partner.
10. Difference In Oral Preferences
One of the biggest things that can immediately put an end to any good time is having a partner who does not share the same level of enthusiasm for oral as you do. If you don’t love oral? That’s totally cool, but you need to hope you are with a partner that also feels the same way. It can suck to feel like any time you please your partner, they (or yourself) are doing an act that they know you really don’t enjoy doing. Similarly, if your partner is going down on you, and it is more pain then pleasure, you need to hope that you can gently nudge your partner in the right direction.
Honestly though? Oral is something that should be enjoyed by everyone, and I would struggle to find myself in a relationship where it is something that is not an option. Foreplay is fundamental for many people before having any type of intercourse, so if you don’t like doing oral, let’s hope you have another way to make sure your partner is aroused.
9. A Difference In Libido
One of the biggest signs that you are not sexually compatible with your partner could be the frequency that you want sex. It might be mind-rattling, bone-shaking awesome sex, but what if your partner only wants to give it to you once a year? Let me preface, there’s no ‘perfect’ amount of sex. Some relationships are completely okay with only having intercourse (or other forms of intimacy) once a week, whereas other relationships may feel like if they don’t have sex on a more frequent basis they will be unhappy. Having a lower libido may have nothing to do with not finding your partner attractive, but if they are always all over you and you’re always ambivalent, it could quickly lead to hurt feelings.
8. They Don’t Listen
If you are in bed with someone, there might not be a bigger tool that you can have to your advantage than some big… ears. Listening is fundamental in making sure that what you are doing feels good for your partner. If they want you to slow down? Listen up and slow down! Nobody has an amazing experience if they are constantly having to repeat themselves or ask their partner to do things that they would have hopefully remembered that you like. It can be helpful to recap some of the highlights at the end of every session to help aid his or her memory going forward. For example: “Hey, remember that time where you made me have an orgasm? Yeah, that worked for me.”
7. They’re Selfish And Get Defensive
This is not the first time I have written about the pitfalls of having a selfish lover. Yet one of the biggest indicators that your sex life is lacking is if your partner is clearly selfish but they don’t even acknowledge it. It can be even worse if when you bring your concerns to them, they get dismissive and nothing changes in your overall routine (except now you’re less willing to bring things up). Why should you spend an hour going down on your partner if they don’t do the same for you and they clearly treat your orgasms as an afterthought in the whole experience?
6. It’s Boring
It can be natural to feel like your sex life may have settled itself into a routine after you have spent a long time with your partner. What if when you think about your sex life, the main emotion is boredom? In that case, there really might not be the sexual passion that is necessary in creating a rewarding relationship (on any level). If you want to mix it up, you need to hope you can suggest things to your partner and they will be receptive. When they are not, you come into even more problems in the bedroom that could impact all areas of your life.
5. You’re Thinking About Other People
Call me crazy, but one of my biggest turn-ons is thinking about how unbelievably beautiful my girlfriend is. I know my attraction to her (and hers to me) is a huge part as to why I know we are sexually compatible. Yet if you constantly find yourself having to think about other people to help rev your engine, you need to maybe be asking yourself if this is the right partner for you. It’s going to be incredibly hard for your sexual compatibility to grow if you are wishing that you are with someone else.
4. You Like Different Things In Bed
The more you are able to experience sexually, the better idea you may have as to what it is you do and do not like in the bedroom in a general sense. A huge sign of sexual compatibility can be if you two have totally different ideas of what you like. Do you enjoy 20 minutes of foreplay? That’s super awesome, but it isn’t if your partner only likes doing it for 5 minutes and one of you needs to be uncomfortable. Are you more of a submissive personality in the bedroom? Also totally acceptable, but you need to hope you are with a partner that helps you embrace your passion and kinks.
3. You Have Different Ideas For Spicing It Up
I am going to preface that it is not a bad thing to be with a partner who is willing to suggest different things to help increase the overall enjoyment in the bedroom. In fact, it can be great to always be looking for different things to help add enjoyment. However, what may start to become an issue is if your partner is constantly asking for things and you have very little interest in anything that they are bringing to the table. It’s okay to be different, but it can be dangerous if you guys are so different that the other person is not even open to acting out the different fantasies.
2. It Just Feels Awkward
When you are being intimate with your partner it can only be natural to have some awkward or funny moments that pop up during the course of any session. If you are with someone who is not sexually compatible with you, all of those little moments of awkwardness may get amplified. As a result, the entire session might just feel awkward or rigid. This can especially be the case if you are transitioning to a physical relationship with someone who used to just be a friend. Sex can be amplified greatly by communication, but at the end of the day you want to be with someone that just makes the whole thing feel natural.
1. You Don’t Get Turned On
If you are going to have a healthy sex life, one of the biggest things to have in your corner is a state of arousal. If you’re a gentleman, no amount of thinking in the world is going to be able to lift your manhood if you are not turned on by your partner or the moment. If you’re a woman, not being turned on can lead to some incredibly painful experiences that make sex much less exciting. Don’t stress out too much if you are having issues keeping aroused in the bedroom, but it may be a point of contention if it continues to happen.