One of the best parts about being in a relationship is feeling like you have a partner who supports your life, without controlling it. You are your own person and that sense of identity should only be strengthened when you are with the person that you love. Unfortunately, many individuals are stuck in unhealthy relationships. One of the most dangerous relationship moves is to remain with someone that you know is controlling of your life.
The more she controls your life, the more you are going to start to feel like you have lost your own sense of independence and may quickly forget about the things that you were once passionate about. This is an extra depressing thought when you consider that what your partner is supposed to love the most about you are the things that you are passionate about.
Unhealthy and controlling relationships are also incredibly difficult ones to end. If your partner is controlling every element of your life to the point that you cannot function without them, you may end your relationship and quickly find yourself without any support. Many people backslide into their old relationship because of this, but remember that you owe it to yourself to be healthy and happy.
There are definite signs that you are in a relationship that is controlling, and unfortunately, sometimes you need to read about them to really get the gravity of the situation. Your partner loves you, but that doesn’t make their controlling behavior acceptable. One question you should always be asking yourself is if your partner loves you, and if your answer is that she loves controlling you, then hopefully you know where the exit is. Here are the ten definite signs that she is starting to control and dominate your life.
10. She Is All Over Your Phone
It is one thing to have your partner look at your phone, especially when you ask her to see who just texted you. It becomes incredibly controlling if your partner is all over your phone and going through all your texts and emails. You have the right to your own privacy and you also have the right to be in a relationship in which you feel she trusts you. The more she questions your behavior, the less freedom you may feel, and that’s a quick recipe to make sure she starts to control other areas of your life.
9. She Grills You About Small Details
Nobody likes to feel like they are on trial, but if you are in a relationship with someone who is controlling, then that is exactly what it will feel like. Did you go to the movies with Bob? That’s awesome! What’s not awesome is getting home and having a long discussion with your partner about how you love them and that you were really just out with Bob and not another girl. The less trusting your partner is, the more she will analyze every small detail of your life. This is especially awful because if she is doing this then she is almost definitely…
8. Accusing You Of Cheating
Now to be fair, if you are currently cheating on your partner, what the hell? Get out of that relationship. It is not fair to either of you to be in a relationship that you know does not have a future, and I am pretty sure you know what decision your partner would make if they knew what was going on.
If you are genuinely a trustworthy partner though, her constant accusations of you cheating are going to get old really quick. When she grills you about details, it is only natural that you may forget small nuances of your day. But when you’re in a controlling relationship, all of those small slip-ups are definite signs that you are cheating. Unfortunately when a partner starts really harping on you about you cheating, it may be some projection on their end and they may end up being the ones that are cheating.
7. She Hates Your Hobbies
You probably have certain hobbies or activities that you love to do and are maybe even things that you have done your entire life. Someone who is controlling will not only hate your hobbies and activities that take you away from them, but will try and make you feel bad for enjoying them. You don’t want to end your relationship and suddenly have that realization that all of your former hobbies and passions have gone completely ignored for the duration of the relationship. Shockingly, you’ll also hopefully realize how unhealthy that is.
6. She Is Unwilling To Compromise
Similar to you having favorite activities, someone who is controlling is absolutely going to try and control the activities of your time together. Don’t want to go see a romantic comedy on your birthday? Too bad, your partner is bossy and whatever she says, she gets. You’re dating an equal partner, not a princess. But the more controlling she will get, the more entitled she will feel to being able to make all the decisions on what is important for the relationship. You may not even know they do all-day marathons of Project Runway until you start dating someone who demands that’s what you’re doing on Saturday, and throws a fit if you don’t.
5. She’s Reduced Your Self-Worth
One of the biggest and most dangerous signs that someone is controlling is that they have reduced your overall self-worth, and they can do this in several ways. Did she make you feel awful about things you’re passionate about? Did she make you feel like a bad boyfriend because you made a simple mistake? Someone who is controlling is also going to have high expectations, and she may leave you feeling like you don’t deserve anyone else. As a result, your self-worth weakens and you give into her controlling ways all the easier. Get out of this relationship before this awful cycle starts.
4. She’s Isolated You From Your Friends & Family
When you think of the standard definition of someone who is controlling, this may be the go-to example. It can really suck to get yourself in a relationship, and then quickly realize that your friends and family are not important anymore. Of course, they are! You’re just with someone who is controlling and a huge part of that is making sure that she is your main or only form of support. Good luck breaking up with her if she knows that you have no family or friends around you. You just need to hope that the people around you have seen how controlling she is and will have your back with an outpouring of support if you are finally able to get out of that unhealthy place.
3. She Demands All Of Your Free Time
You have the right to some ‘me time’, and don’t let any relationship tell you differently. The best relationships aren’t the ones where you spend every free second together but rather the relationships that allow you to grow both as a person and as a relationship. It can be even worse if you are with someone who gets furious every time you say you may need to take some time for you, even worse when they then start accusing you of cheating. Nothing says controlling like making sure your schedule only has time for her. It can be even more frustrating if she demands you spend that time together, and then spends the whole date on her phone.
2. She Gets Upset When You Don’t Respond Right Away
Does she know that life is sometimes going to give you responsibilities? As a result, sometimes you are not going to be able to get to your phone right away. This can definitely be an inconvenience sometimes, but it is also far from the end of the world. If you start to get nervous that your partner is going to get upset at you for not responding right away, especially when you’d have a valid reason, then you should also start to realize how controlling that behavior is. You should love to receive a text from your partner and respond to it because you want to talk to them, not because you know you’ll get in trouble if you don’t.
1. You Don’t Feel Like Your Own Person Anymore
This is really a combination of a few of the items on the list, so, fittingly, it tops them all. You are in a controlling relationship when you get to step back and realize that you really aren’t yourself anymore. Your identity tends to mesh with your partner in any relationship, at least to some extent, and the more controlling your relationship, the further away that sense of identity is going to be.
You also don’t feel like you have the support system, because she’s controlled that element of your life, and you stay in an unhealthy relationship and literally don’t know how to end it. Remember that nobody deserves to stay in something like that though, and that once you get through this and into a healthier place, you’ll have more inner strength than you ever thought possible.