This goes out to all the single folks out there. How many times have you been told, “There are plenty of fish in the sea”? Probably about 78 thousand times, right? One thing can be said about this phrase: there are indeed plenty of fish in the sea. However, these fish stink. So many things can go wrong if you don’t pick the right fish for you. They can make you sick, they can make you crazy, they can separate you from your friends, and they can even take all of your money – yes, a fish can do all that.
Since there are so many potential crazies out there, we felt the need to share some insider information to help you avoid picking the wrong fish. Granted, not everyone wants the same things, nor are they bothered by the same things, but these are general warning signs that most people would like to steer clear of when selecting a fish. So here you go, red flags for your first date with a she-fish for your entertainment, general knowledge, and dwindling sex life.
10. Presentation Is Key
This might sound a little shallow, but how about we put PC on hold and admit the truth: no one wants to date a slob. When you first see your date, you want to be wowed. She doesn’t need to have pulled out her best dress and Louboutins for this date, but she does have to try. That means taming her hair, putting on a bit of makeup, or even simply putting on a cute, clean, ironed outfit (a woman in wrinkled clothes is no woman at all). Aside from physical appearance, you want her lady-like. If she’s wearing a dress or skirt and sits with her legs wide open, then she’s not a lady, she’s a man. She’s allowed to have an appetite, but if she chews with her mouth open, takes giant bites, and shovels her food in like an animal, then, you guessed it, she’s a man. These are extreme examples, but you get the idea.
9. The Bill
As taboo as this subject is, we’re still going to talk about it. One thing feminists did right, is changing women’s role in paying the bill. More and more, we’re seeing couples splitting the tab, as they should be. Easy boys, don’t get too excited, you’re not quite off the hook. Regardless of what century we’re in, you should still take care of the first date, or even the first couple of dates depending on what kind of bond you guys have. With that being said, she should still try to take the tab or at least split it. If your date blatantly expects you to pay her way, she might have questionable motives. Or she might just be a spoiled princess. Unless you’re rolling in cash and don’t care, consider this fair warning.
8. She’s A Social Media Addict
This one is a given. If you haven’t already put this on your list of deal-breakers, there’s something wrong with you. Something people take for granted is doing some research before your date. With all of the available social media outlets, you have no excuse for being blind-sided. Yes, yes, no one wants to be a stalker, but this time, it’s allowed. So let yourself go, and stalk the sh*t out of her. How many times a day does she post? How many social media accounts does she have? Is she posting nonsense, or does she seem to actually have a brain? This is crucial intel you can collect before putting yourself in a situation you’ll regret. Based on the info you get, you can decide whether or not you want to give her a chance. This way, you can judge during the date if she rudely posts every couple of minutes while she’s with you, or if it’s on her own time; in which case, to each his own.
7. She Fails The “Missed Call” Test
This is just like it sounds, a test. Yes, you need to work if you want to save yourself from crazy fish lady. How does the ‘missed call’ test work? Well, it’s simple: basically, you miss one of her calls on purpose, and see how she reacts. How many times does she call you back? If she calls you back more than once, what are the intervals between each call? Does she text and call you back? Of course, she may hold back a little if you don’t know each other well enough, so it’s recommended to try this a little later on as well.
6. She Doesn’t Say “Thank You”
Chivalry is not dead, but it is dying; and it’s dying because no one appreciates it anymore. Why would a man hold a door open for you if you walk through like you own the world and he owes it to you? Instead, try walking through with a smile on your face and saying “Thank you” to the gentleman. Although most men would probably (hopefully) already be aware that this is a huge red flag, there are still some innocent, naïve guys who don’t think much of this lack of appreciation. You bring her a muffin; she says, “thank you”. You take her out for supper; she says, “thank you”. You buy her a freakin’ pony, she best say “thank you”. It’s as simple as that.
5. She Has No Opinion Of Her Own
One of the biggest pet peeves men have these days is when their date can’t make a decision. When you’re asked where to go eat, what movie to watch, or where to sit, for the love of God, just make a choice! Now this isn’t an article on how to impress him on your first date, so all we’re going to say is this: it’s ok to say that you’d rather sit on a booth. You, men, still need to come up with ideas, but if she constantly makes you pick and agrees with everything you say, or likes everything you like, then it’s not a coincidence, and you guys are not in sync, a match made in heaven, two peas in a pod, or whatever other cheesy couple title you want to come up with; she has no brain of her own and just follows her designated boy toy. Move on, you’ll get bored within a week or two.
P.S. Don’t forget those that are too opinionated. The key is balance, you should both be willing to compromise.
4. She Lives For Selfies And Duck Faces
Beware, for the age of selfies is upon us, and women everywhere have channeled their inner Donald Duck. Yes, it’s a thing, and yes it will be the end of us all. Fun fact, selfies have had such a cultural impact that researchers are studying it as a phenomenon in itself. There’s even a group called The Selfie Researchers Network, and it includes scholars from all over that have come together to study the social and cultural impacts of selfies; pretty intense. One study actually linked selfies to narcissism and psychopathy. Don’t worry, the key finding is almost always spun to sound more interesting and significant than it is, though it remains something to consider. In moderation, (almost) everything is acceptable and even a little healthy. So, we’ll let you judge whether you want to date a duck-faced selfie queen or not; just don’t say we didn’t warn you.
3. She’s Superficial
We all have our guilty pleasures, and your girl is entitled to hers as well; this means she can be as obsessed with The Kardashians as she likes. However, no one wants to talk about them for more than a couple of minutes. Some things to be watching out for are whether or not she can keep an intelligent conversation going, what topics she brings up, and whether she is just reiterating what you initially said or actually contributing to the discussion. On another note, it’s ok if she talks about plans she has for herself, like going back to school, starting a new job, or even dyeing her hair another color; as long as she eventually throws it back to you. If this girl is only talking about herself, you need to be ok with coming in second, after her.
2. She Can’t Take A Compliment
When it comes to receiving compliments, there are two types of women, and you need to be aware in order to make an educated decision. Basically because one type is acceptable, while the other is just plain annoying. On one end of the spectrum, you have the girl who blushes and is modest and giggles as she says that you’re mistaken in her own cute way. Then, on the other end, there’s the girl who shuts you down immediately, rolls her eyes, and says you’re crazy. We’ll let you figure out which one you’d rather be on a date with.
1. She Can’t Take A Joke
One of the biggest indications that a couple is compatible is their sense of humor. Everyone loves to laugh, you just need to figure out what does it for your partner and hope it’s similar to what does it for you. The risky part with this is that you need to put yourself on the line (as does she) because the only way to know if she laughs at the same things you do, is to be real. So, be yourself, and crack some jokes, share funny moments, and maybe even include her in a prank (if that’s you’re thing and you’re comfortable enough with her by the time the date comes around). Then, all that’s left is to see how she reacts to your humor.